Interview With The Robo-Signer

Tom Durfey here reporting for swiftpolitics.

I was waiting in line for the next available robo-signer for an interview when I got a message that one who was fired would talk to me. I followed instructions. It took me to a part of town that hadn’t seen good times since the dot com busts. I walked into an office and sat down in the empty reception area. It was decorated with chairs and desks on metal pieces with Naugahyde seats.  90′s retro. This stuff looked like crap when it was new. Alice in Chains was being pumped out of a broken boom box. A voice from the wall told me to walk through the next door. I did. Sitting behind a large metal desk was a man made of wires. He asked me to sit down. I did. I’m good at following instructions. It avoids a lot of conversation. He told me he didn’t have a name.

” Thank you for coming to see me ”.

” My pleasure. What are you ? ”

” The last of the robos. I was also the first. I can write letters, call and answer phones, type, make appointments…”.

” Wait. You’re going to tell me you got laid off ”.

” Yes. I have no computer skills ”.

His eyes turned down and he began to cry. I noticed a few streaks of rust down his face of wires. He looked up at me.

” How you doing ? ”. This is one of my more insightfull questions.

” It’s rough. I was in politics for awhile. I bombarded potential voters with phone calls day and night. We won a few elections and then everybody went on the do not call list and we got wiped out along with the other crap we were selling. Letter writing campaigns. Remember them ? We could raise money, influence public opinion, elect idiot candidates. We were masters of the world. Who reads letters these days ? The post office is broke. Every stamp they issue becomes a collector’s item. Then the worst blow of all came crashing down on us ”.

He dropped his eyes again. I sat there and didn’t say a word. I’m good at that too. He suddenly stood up and began walking around the office. His movements were slow and jerky. He looked like he needed a drink. Then I remembered the rust. Suddenly he raised both arms, tilted his head back and screamed ” They hired humans. We could have been signing all those mortgage and loan things. But no. They had to have humans. I can sign more letters than anybody without knowing what I’m doing. What do they have to hire people for ? And ad sales ? Forget it. Who listens a robo phone call anymoe. Even senior citizens hang up. Written invitations died after the White House party crashers. You don’t have to tell people to show up. It doesn’t matter if nobody goes. The nuts who do show up put it right on youtube. Diane Sawyer brings it to the old folks at 6:30 pm eastern time. And call or write your congressmen ? It’s as dead as phone booths and envelopes ”. He sank back in his seat. 

” How’s the family ? ” I remembered I was the one doing the interview and it was the first question I thought of.

” The kids moved back in. They just sit around and tweet, facebook, and play games, ”.

” That’s pathetic ”. I decided it was time to stop the questions and make a statement. That one leaped to mind. Nothing else was leaping in.

” It’s worse. They’re not on the internet. We don’t even have cable tv. They jump around telling each other things like Im going to threaten other people for no reason at all. Check out my page and the pix of Tommy and Pamela holding hands ”.

I decided it was time to jump back in. ” What’s wrong with Tommy and Pamela holding hands ? ”.

” She told me she was going to say Pamela is a lesbian and Tommy is gay ”.

” What’s wrong with that ? ”. It sounded so good the first time I said it again. I was on a roll.

He yelled ” It’s against God’s law for a woman who prefers women to have sex with a man who prefers men ”.

” You’re losing me ”. For the first time I spoke the truth. In my life.

” It’s all for nothing Tom. I feel like Willie Lowman in Death of a Salesman. Will Kane in High Noon. Cher looking at Lady Ga Ga. Anybody looking at Jay Leno instead of Jimmy Fallon. It’s all for nothing Tom ”.

A touch of sadness, a tear of shame, over the face of their leader  came. I felt a need to speak.” Who touches a hair on your gray head, make that rusty head, dies like a dog. March on ” I said. For some reason I felt a nice quote from Richard Kipling was appropriate.

I left the 90′s retro office and the man who was made of wires. Months later I received a letter. Someone had slipped it under my door. Actually they slipped it under the elevator door and it was found at the bottom of the elevator shaft along with a dead kitten and mailman. It had no stamp, address or return address. I opened it up and drew out a beautiful piece of writing paper and a business card.

There was nothing on them.

Tom Durfey. . http://bit.ly/cjJURI

 

No one is asking but here’s my opinion again

What’s the big deal on the wiki leaks of so called secret documents about Afghanistan ? The Afghanis are screwing us…the Pakistanis are screwing us…the Taliban is screwing us…Well DUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH !

Ex Illinois Gov.Rod Blagojevitch didn’t testify in his own defense. Too bad he didn’t learn how to shut up a long time ago.

Why are people like Lindsay Lohan separated from other prisoners ? Suddenly they don’t want to talk either ? They think the paparazzi has it in for them ? Wait till they meet the real criminals.

Mel Gibson sounds like a lot of fun when he’s drunk.

The NFL is putting posters in locker rooms saying football injuries can be dangerous to your health. Players are so juiced on steroids and other drugs they probably can’t read.

Why doesn’t Dancing With The Stars just have the contestants dance naked and get it over with.

They finally stopped the Gulf oil leak. Forget the horse. The whole herd is already out of the barn.

David Brooks, the CEO of a company that was paid millions to supply body armour for our troops, spent more than six million of our taxpayer dollars on parties, luxury cars, prostitutes, porno videos for his son, a burial plot for his mom and $100,000 for a belt buckle with an American flag on it. I think he should give the flag back.

I won’t miss mail on Saturdays. I can’t pay bills the other days of the week either.

People really eat burgers on crispy creme donuts. So much for putting calorie counts on menus.

Tom Durfey

Why I Stopped Writing Blogs

I have been a writer for over 30 years. I get paid to do that. I started my blog so I could write what I wanted, not just because someone was paying me. It’s fun and keeps the juices flowing. But blogwise the juices started to dry up.  No one was reading them anymore. When I started my blog I was averaging around ten hits a day. Sometimes as many as two or three hundred. Then it dropped to one or two or zero. There’s an old saying in journalism, ” It doesn’t matter what you say if nobody reads it.

Did Facebook and Twitter kill blogs ? Google that sentence and you’ll find thousands of articles. They had a big impact. Technology changes fast. I am on Facebook for another job and the results have been good so far. A writer needs to know that someone is listening. Otherwise you are whistling in the dark. That gets old fast. I practice my guitar alone but I enjoy playing with my pickin’ pals. It’s a creative outlet. They challenge you. You try harder and play better. That is now missing from blogging.

Will I blog again ? I didn’t think I would but I just did.

Tom Durfey

Interview With The Tea Party

Swiftpolitics’ Tom Durfey recently interviewed a leader of the tea party movement. He goes by the name Mad Hatter. Here’s the transcript.

Tom…Why are you wearing a coonskin hat ?

Mad Hatter…Fess Parker just died.

Tom…Are you relating to his role as Davy Crockett ?

Mad Hatter…No. Walt Disney was a socialist. It keeps my head warm.

Tom…Why are you so angry with republicans ?

Mad Hatter…Because the democrats ignore us.

Tom…What are your beliefs ?

Mad Hatter…We must return to the ideals of the founding fathers.

Tom…And they are what ?

Mad Hatter…Screw everyone who doesn’t agree with us.

Tom…But doesn’t the first amendment guarantee free speech ?

Mad Hatter…Only if they carry a gun and are white. Just like the founding fathers.

Tom…Why are you against the health care reform bill that is now the law of the land ?

Mad Hatter…Are you kidding ? It’s the best thing that ever happened to us ! Our ranks are growing every day.

Tom…What are your views on health care ?

Mad Hatter…I have AIG. What the heck do I care ?

Tom…Don’t you think the tea party is skirting too close to violence ?

Mad Hatter…How would you like a punch in the face ?

Tom…Why do you carry signs with pictures of Obama as all those nasty characters ?

Mad Hatter…A lot of our followers don’t read too well.

Tom…Are those guns you carry loaded ?

Mad Hatter…Not as much as we are. Would you like a beer ?

Tom…What does Sarah Palin bring to your movement ?

Mad Hatter…Short skirts.

Tom…Do you think your movement is misunderstood ?

Mad Hatter…Are you kidding ? You can’t even get my name right !

Tom…It’s not Mad Hatter ?

Mad Hatter…No ! It’s MAD H-A-T-E-R !

The Greatful Dead New York City March – July 4 2010

Archives baby. On display at the New York Historical Society. They’re from the research library at the University of Southern California, Santa Cruz, which opens to the public next year. Me and my old lady checked it out. It’s got the vibe. Some would call it junk. Most of the stuff came from Eileen Law who started working for the Dead in 1972. She kept everything everybody else was throwing out. Posters, tickets, pictures, band contracts, set lists and a lot more. The Garcia doll is cute and all warm and fuzzy. It’s really a hodge podge most people in their right minds would agree is just stuff but they’re not Deadheads.

The Dead are having another resurgence in the scholarly publication The Atlantic March 2010 vol. 305 no. 2. The article is ” Management Secrets of the Grateful Dead ”. It’s not a joke. Author Joshua Green says the Archives ” will be a Mecca for academics…but the biggest beneficiaries may prove to be business scholars and management theorists who are discovering that the Dead were visionary GENIUSES in the wat they created customer value, promoted social networking and did strategic business planning ”. Wow ! All that from a bunch of guys who were high all the time. Green admits this theory ” tends to elicit grinning disbelief ”. Somewhere Jerry is smiling ear to ear.

While the internet is causing tsunamis in advertising by giving everything away for free the Dead were doing it decades ago. You didn’t have to steal their music at a live concert. Just plug into the mote box for a clean sound. Visionary ? The Dead were just giving it away because they believed music was free. So was love. I’m sure the rest of the band is smiling too. I think it was Bob Weir who said every time we planned something it bombed big time, like the concert at the Sphinx and pyramids in Egypt.

Can the VIBE be harnessed and studied in a serious way ? They’re already doing it man. Barry Barnes, a business professor at Nova Southeastern University in Florida says, ” The Dead were masters of creating and delivering superior customer value ”.  Don’t bogart that joint my friend pass it all around. Another scholar quoted in Green’s article, Steve Gimbel, a philosophy professor at Gettysburg College who edited a work titled ” The Grateful Dead and Philosophy ” says ” Revolutionaries get vilified, and then, once they get older they just become cute  ”. ( you gotta check out the Garcia doll ) Gimbel ads ” Once their not dangerous anymore it’s okay to discuss them in serious ways ”. Far out.

The Grateful Dead were ahead of their time and probably everybody else’s. What is now the subject of scholarly research was just a band that did things their own way. Things that hadn’t been done before. It was done because they believed in freedom and they acted on their beliefs. There was a lot of that going on in the 60′s when the Dead started playing their music. They left us a legacy besides their music. Others are just discovering it.

Jerry would probably smile and say something scholarly like ” That’s cool ”.

Nobody Asked But Here’s My Opinion

The Supreme Court says big businesses can spend as much money as they want in elections…Don’t they already do that ?

Jerry Brown is running for governor of California again…File it under Hot Tub Time Machine.

By the time health care reform is passed we’ll all be dead.

Prevent teen age sex abuse…Don’t let your kids become congressional aides.

Instead of prison for Jihad Jane let’s make her go to tea party meetings.

My wife thinks President Obama is cute when he gets mad.

I think other little kids must have beaten up little Karl Rove…Good for them.

Why doesn’t Dick Cheney take Karl hunting ?

Congress fights hard for jobs…Their own.

I’m ” sick ” of hearing we have the best health care in the world.

Fox News is fair and balanced…Balanced to the right and not fair to anyone else.

We lost an hour of sleep this morning because of daylight savings…Another example of creeping socialism.

Israel is building more settlements in disputed territory…I guess the housing crisis is over.

Tom Durfey

Everything You Need To Know About America’s Politicians

Sarah Palin is like the girl you want to get in the back seat of your car but don’t want to bring her home to meet the parents.

Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown is the male Sarah Palin.

John McCain is the befuddled old grandfather who can’t find his hat even though he wasn’t wearing one.

New York Governor David Paterson is the nice guy trying to be your best friend but you just want him to go away.

Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich just won’t go away.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger stopped working out. It shows in his poll numbers.

House speaker Nancy Pelosi is like the annoying aunt who keeps licking her fingers and tries to rub dirt off your face. Yuck !

Congressional republicans are like substitute teachers. You like making fun of them but you’re not really learning anything.

Senate democratic leader Harry Reid is the nice uncle who bought you an expensive gift that you really don’t want.

Joe Biden is always good for a laugh.

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford keeps apologizing for something we don’t care about.  

Congress is like a high school reunion that you don’t want to go to.

President Obama is like the prom king who found himself at a beer drinking frat party.

Tom Durfey

The Kennedys Have Left The Building

It’s like Elvis died. For the first time in 63 years there will be no Kennedy in congress. Rhode Island Rep. Patrick Kennedy will not run again. The legacy has ended. There is no prince to carry on. But what a ride it was. The explosion of America’s young people began with John Kennedy. The country had found it’s youth after the dreary leaders with hats had bored us to death in the 50′s. Things would be different now. Freedom, equality and prosperity were just around the corner. It was in our hand. Then the shots rang out in Dallas.

Perhaps it died there and then but we refused to let it go. The dream would never die we told ourselves. Dreams become memories. They were rekindled for us and the Kennedys when we passed the mantle to Barack Obama. But now President Obama has hit his biggest hurdle with the election of a republican to the old Kennedy senate seat. We didn’t see it coming. Shots rang out again. As that Irish senator from New York Daniel Moynihan said so long ago, ” there’s no point in being Irish unless you know that some day the world is going to break your heart ”.

The Kennedys broke our hearts like a first love. There will never be another. But we had them once. John Kennedy liked to quote the New England poet Robert Frost at the end of his speeches…” The woods are lovely dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep ”. The Kennedys sleep now. They are gone.

It was a heck of a ride wasn’t it ?

Tom Durfey

The Mad Tea Party In Nashville

The tea party, when Alice arrives, is characterized by switching places on the table at any given time, making  somewhat short, personal remarks, asking unanswerable riddles and reciting nonsensical poetry, all of which eventually drive Alice away declaring it is the stupidest party she ever went to.

Alice…Sarah Palin

The Mad Hatter…Teddy Roosevelt

The March Hare…George W. Bush

The Door Mouse…Scott Brown

When Alice arrived at the tea party the Mad Hatter was asking riddles. ” Speak softly and carry a big stick ! What is it ? ”. ”What’s what ? ” asked Alice. ” The answer to the riddle ! ” said the Mad Hatter. ” A very quiet Hockey game ? Ya know, hockey stick ! ”. ” No you idiot ! It’s how you lead the country ”. ” I wanted to lead the country ” said the March Hair.  ” You led it into the biggest recession since World War II ! ” the Mad Hatter told him, ” You are a walking weapon of mass destruction ! ”  Door Mouse, do you know the answer to the riddle ? ”.  ” Become the 41st GOP senator and say no to health care ! ”. ” No No No ! Don’t you have anything to offer ? ”. ” My daughters are available ”.

The Mad Hatter was getting mad and asked another riddle. ” What is it that every reform movement has ? ”. ” A pick up truck ? ” said the Door Mouse. ” You’re getting warm ”. ”  ” I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake ” said the March Hare. ” Do what you can, with what you have, where you are ” sighed the Mad Hatter. ” For some reason a different standard applies for the decisions I make “ said Alice. ” Then you should say what you mean,’ the Mad Hatter said. `I do,’ Alice hastily replied; `at least–at least I mean what I say–that’s the same thing, you know.”  ” No ! ” thundered the Mad Hatter, ” What every reform movement has is a lunatic fringe !”.

The tea party got quiet. The March Hare hung his head. ” Like Cheney and Rove ” he mumbled to himself. ” Like posing nude for Cosmo ” whispered the Door Mouse. ” Like quitting your job after you asked people to vote for you ” said Alice. The Mad Hater wasn’t so mad anymore. He had forgotten more about reform movements then the others would ever know. He believed in the best of people. He also knew they could easily get lost from the ideals they held when the crowds cheered. He thought his tea party guests were good Americans. But they had lost their way. The Mad Hatter was tired of the tea party and started to leave. ” This is not a riddle, ” he told them, ” A vote is like a rifle, its usefulness depends upon the character of the user ”.

Note…My thanks to one of my favorite writers and the author of Alice In Wonderland Frank Baum. Quotes from the tea party guests are from them.

Tom Durfey

Attack Adds Boomerang

Along with all the other problems in the McCain campaign his telephone attacks do not seem to be having the affect they hoped. Swiftpolitics got a hold of same taped phone conversations.

Hello, before you cast your vote, did you know that Barack Obama has ties to Muslim terrorist groups ? Praise Allah ! We have never seen such excitement ! Excuse me ? We are having an Obama rally right now. Don’t you see anything wrong in this ? Yeah, we keep running out of falafel ! But aren’t you afraid ? We haven’t laughed so hard since Rhasad the suicide bomber blew both his arms off trying to put his explosive vest on. Click.

Hello, before you cast your vote, did you know Barack Obama is related to people in Africa ? Yes ! The Obama 08 dashikis are flying off the shelves ! We can’t keep them in stock. But his relatives live in Kenya. The village is booming ! Kogelo is becoming the new Dubai ! But aren’t you afraid of Africans mixing with whites ?  Are you kidding ? We can’t ship the babies out fast enough to Madonna and Angelina Jolie. Click.

Hello, before you cast your vote, did you know Barack Obama has ties to the Weathermen ? You’ll have to talk louder, I haven’t seen so many old hippies since they opened up the Woodstock museum ! But aren’t you concerned that they might blow up America’s financial institutions ? Are you kidding ? We can’t even buy any explosives, those hedge fund cats have cornered the market. Click.

Hello, before you cast your vote, did you know Barack Obama went to a church led by a radical preacher ? The Reverend Jeremiah Wright can’t take your call now, he is taping his new 24 hour cable channel. But what about his statement that the government lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq ? Reverand Wight’s guest is Donald Rumsfeld who is promoting his new book. But what about when Reverand Wright said the government still thinks a woman has no rights over her own body ? You might be able to catch him later when he appears at the dedication of the new Judge ClarenceThomas planned parenthood clinic. Click.

Hello, before you cast your vote, did you know Barack Obama says he will sit down and talk with other nations without any pre-conditions ? This is the United Nations, I think you have the wrong number. Click.

Hello, before you cast your vote, did you know…You have reached Republicans for Obama, all our lines are busy, please stay on the line for the next available operator.

     Swiftpolitics tried calling these phone banks asking about these questions. The lines have been disconnected for non payment of bills.

VIVA RECESSIONISTA !

It’s all the rage ! Don’t let the financial meltdown turn you into a drip. Be a recessionista ! Go with it baby ! Be smart, sexy and skinflinty ! I made that last word up. I’m also making up ” recessionista ” as a ” brand ” for dealing with the recession by thumbing your nose at it. Embrace the recession, love it, live it ! Imagine everyone’s envy when they see you having fun while they are going to group therapy because they can’t afford their own shrink anymore. Here’s some tips. Let them repo your BMW and replace it with a Ford Focus. Have it painted green and tell everyone it’s a hybrid. Cancel the trash pick up, inform your friends you now recycle everything that comes into your house, late at night dump all your crap under a thruway bridge. Stop going to movies, read art film reviews and bullshit about them all the time. Cancel your subscriptions to the Times and Wall Street Journal, pick up all those free newspapers and read them at lunch. Instead of bottle water start carrying a canteen. Get some Iraq army fatigues and decorate them with boy/girl scout merit badges. Eat at food carts, get to know the proprietor so they make you a custom order and they greet you by name. Sell your Gucci bag and carry a 99 cents ” stop and shop ” one instead. If you see a friend walking down the street grab a pigeon and hand it to them, say you threw out your blackberry and tell them to tie a message on the pigeon’s foot.

A cool website, walletpop.com, has great and legit ways to help. They tell you how to get flu shots while waiting at the airport and a lot of other cool things.

VIVA RECESSIONISTA !

Tom Durfey

Term Limits Go To Hell

That’s a headline that makes you want to see what else is on the web. So anyway, in the Big Apple his highness Mike Bloomberg wants to grace the city with four more years. This little thing called term limits is standing in his way but like all billionaires he believes the will of the people that was voted for TWICE ! really doesn’t matter. Let me say that I don’t believe in term limits. It is my constitutional right to vote for what ever jerk I want. Years ago James Curley got elected mayor of Boston while he was sitting in a jail cell. It’s hard to run a smear campaign against a guy like that. Back in the early 90′s when this question was going before the voters for the first time I interviewed the state chairman of the movement for term limits. I asked him what would happen if someone who had served his limit, decided not to run again, but everybody went to the polls wrote his name in and elected him anyway. Would you have state troopers stop him from walking into the capital ? Would you arrest everybody who voted for him for breaking the law ? The man sat there for a minute in silence and finally replied, ” I never thought of that, ”. A lot of politicians have answered my questions in the same way. But that’s another story.

So even though I believe Bloomberg is one of the best mayors NYC has ever had he should not be allowed to run for a third term. The people have spoken, TWICE, no third terms. But Bloomy and his ilk think they know better than the dummies who walk into a voting booth and vote their conscience. That’s because they have no conscience. If you have ever wondered how these asshole politicos sleep at night it’s very easy, they go to bed humming Hail To The Chief.

Tom Durfey

Where, When And Why The GOP Went Wrong

Barry Goldwater, the father of modern conservatism, won the republican nomination for president in 1964. Lyndon Johnson delivered the southern states to the GOP when he signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 saying, ” We (democrats) have lost the south for a generation, ”. Goldwater had voted against the act. In 1969 Kevin Phillips wrote the strategy for future campaigns in his book The Emerging Republican Majority. Richard Nixon used it to fulfill Johnson’s prophecy. The liberal wing of the republican party was dead and the right had infected the GOP with a disease. Ronald Reagan used the anti black phrase ” states rights ” in 1980 when he spoke in Neshoba County, Alabama just days after he was endorsed by the Ku Klux Klan. In 1964 three civil rights workers had been arrested by a Neshoba County Deputy who delivered them to the Klan who killed them. In 1988 Reagan’s vice president George Bush who was running for president unleashed the Willie Horton, a black man, ad linking his opponent Michael Dukakis to a furlough program for prisoners. Dukakis never recovered and Bush won. In 2000 a smear implying John McCain fathered a black child cost him the South Carolina primary against George W. Bush who went on to win the nonomination and presidency. In 2008 the McCain Palen campaign has whipped up crowds with their use of the phrase ” pro America ” eliciting a racial response against the democratic nominee, Barack Obama, a black man. This is a sordid story of how one of the two major political parties of the United States has injected race into the country’s political system. It has worked and they do not shy away from it.

I wonder how Abe Lincoln feels.

Tom Durfey
swiftpolitics.com

Who Gets The Last Laugh ?

      I grew up with my dad a republican and my mom a democrat. We used to tease them that their votes didn’t count because they canceled each other out. They would laugh at us kids, they did that a lot, and do want they wanted to do anyway. Come to think of it they did that all the time and not just with politics. But we didn’t mind.

     The polls are showing Obama with a lead. So what ? Will all the votes be counted ? I doubt it. Problems are popping up already and there is less than a week to election day. Registration is being challenged in Ohio, the voter registration on my space is having problems, African Americans are worried in North Carolina their votes won’t be counted, Florida is always a crap shoot, anybody who had help from Acorn in registering to vote, good luck. When it became apparent the republican ticket was going to lose the conservative right went right to work. It seems if you are ” pro America ” as Sarah likes to call them it’s alright to steal and cheat if you can’t win fair and square.

     I don’t think my dad and mom are laughing right now.

Tom Durfey

It’s The Economy Stupid, Spend Money Now

     James Carville will live forever by coining the phrase that is the first part of today’s title. Forget his marriage to Mary Matalin, his punditry and anything else he will accomplish. That phrase will lead his obituary. It’s right up there with, ” I coulda been somebody ” ” Win one for the Gipper ” ” We have nothing to fear but fear itself ” ” Ask not what your country can do for you…” and ” Tippecanoe and Tyler too ”. Okay, maybe not the last one. Similar phrases like ” people vote their pocketbook ” carry the same sentiment but don’t have the ring. If you have to inform someone that their ability to put a roof over their head and food on the table is paramount, they are stupid.

     There is no doubt that when the economy went down Barack Obama’s poll numbers went up. People sitting on the fence decided to jump on the side where the grass might be greener. I’m full of cliches today aren’t I ? People say I am full of something else but I ignore them. The only thing that could sink Obama now is if the Dow Jones goes up and stays up, CEO’s stop giving themselves bonuses, people who got sub prime loans start making their regular payments, everybody pays off their credit cards and congress starts reducing the national debt. I know, it’s a scary thought but it COULD happen ! This is the only October surprise John McCain can hope for.

     The best thing we can do right now to get Obama elected president is run out and spend all our money using credit cards and not pay the bills. It’s what we do best. Let’s get going. Our country needs us.

Tom Durfey

I Wish They Said It !

Cindy McCain on Sarah Palin’s 150 thousand dollar wardrobe…”It looks it ”

Hillary Clinton…” I have some pants suits she can have cheap ”

Todd Palin…” She paid how much for that wedding ring ? ”

Senator Ted Stevens on being found guilty…” Next time I’m going to Home Depot ”

Mike Bloomberg on running for a third term…” I need the paycheck ”

The First President Bush…” Thank God for term limits ”

Karl Rove…” Politics is getting too nasty ”

Barack Obama…” From a little Acorn a giant vote grows ”

John McCain…” My friends, what was the question ? ”

Chris Buckley…” I endorsed who ? ”

Bill Ayers…” All this publicity is dynamite ”

Dick Cheney…” It cracks me up when Fred Sanford grabs his heart and says this is the big one ”

Russ Limbaugh on medicaid…” Where’s my downers ? ”

Katie Couric…” She made sense to me ! ”

Bill Clinton…” What was all that fuss about Eliot Spitzer ? ”

Joe Biden…” You can quote me ”

Tom Durfey…” When do I get paid for ghost writing all this crap ? ”

Goodbye Studs

      I am going to miss Studs Terkel. He was everyone’s journalist. The first question of his that comes to mind was when he was interviewing a policeman on his radio show and asked, ” Why are police uniforms blue ? ”. It takes a special interviewer to ask a question like that. It wasn’t a gotcha question that too many interviewers use today. It was a gotcha question because it got me and I never forgot it.

     Chicago is a great town. One of the best when it comes to journalism, Studs, Mike Royko, Irv Kupcinet and Bob Greene to name a few. They were the ones I started to read when I wanted to find out what was really going on and more importantly what it all meant. They could tug at your heart, make you outraged and make you laugh and make you care. Any one of these guys could have fit right into a role in The Front Page, the best play ever written about reporters by Ben Hecht and Charles MacArthur. I would give all the journalism awards I never won to go back many years ago and be a reporter in the City News Bureau of Chicago. To make fun of politicians right to their faces, to hold a telephone with two hands, one for the receiver and the other to talk into with an unfiltered cigarette dangling from the side of my mouth while telling the city editor to go to hell and print it just the way I wrote it. To give the big guy a black eye that came from the little guy.

     As a reporter I couldn’t spit shine their shoes. Thanks for all the stories Studs and thanks to the rest of all you guys and gals. Carl Sandburg, no slouch when it came to being a writer, called Chicago the City of the Big Shoulders, ” fierce as a dog with tongue lapping for action, cunning as a savage pitted against the wilderness, bragging and laughing that under his wrist is the pulse, and under his ribs the heart of the people ”.

     Those big shoulders are a little stooped today, a Chicago reporter has made his last deadline.

The Undecideds Will Decide

     As in most elections it comes down to the undecideds. They have not been swayed by the huge amounts of money spent by the candidates. They don’t have bumper stickers. The idealogical rantings of the left and right play no part in their thinking. Polls mean nothing to them. They give ulcers to campaign strategists. Their ranks dwindle little as the election nears. The undecided voters are the ticking time bomb of American politics.

     In a journalistic coup that has stunned the media swiftpolitics was able to track down the most elusive person in 2008, the Undecided Candidate, who carries the banner of the undecided voters. Here is our interview.

     What are you ?  A middle of the road extremist. What is your name ? Dad calls me son, mom calls me junior, most people just say hey you. Where do you live ? Here and there. Where do you stand on these issues. Abortion ? I am celibate. Economy ? I’m doing ok. The war ? I believe in a volunteer army. Immigration ? I’m already here. Taxes ? I don’t work. Education ? Read a book. Energy ? I don’t have any. What will you do if you win the election ? I haven’t decided.

Tom Durfey

Obama Needs McCain

      ” IF ” Obama wins tomorrow, and when it comes to polls I remember an old reporter who once said if your mother says she loves you check it out, he needs John McCain. Obama started off saying he wanted to bring people together and end the divisions in this country. He has to get McCain in his corner to do that. What better way to reach out to those who fought him, doubted him and voted against him ? John McCain has shown that he can work with democrats, like the Kennedy McCain bill for immigration that so many republicans were horrified by. McCain likes being the maverick and what better way than to help Obama. McCain helps himself by working with Obama. He returns to being the old John McCain that made so many independents, republicans and even democrats, admire and listen to him. If the democrats don’t have a filibuster proof senate Obama needs McCain and he needs Joe Lieberman too. Lieberman will probably never get forgive Connecticut democrats denying him their party’s nomination in 2006, but he has to get over it. Obama will need to reach out and put his words into action. Obama has shown he is smarter and just as tough as the republicans who threw everything they had at him in the campaign, just like the Clintons. If he wins he will have to be compassionate, and fair, to his enemies. He owes it to them and he owes it to us. ” IF ” Obama is elected president I will put his campaign button in the box with all the other ones I’ve collected through the years. I will judge him by the standards of any other elected official and those are very high, tough standards. My expectations are higher too so he better do his best to deliver on what he promised.

     I remember an old reporter who once said, if your mother says she loves you…

Tom Durfey

The Paper Ballot

      I voted with a paper ballot today for the first time. I have voted in every election since I became eligible at 21 and every time it was pulling the levers. When I walked into the polling place a woman sitting at the entrance pointed to a paper ballot on the wall and explained this is how I would vote today. She explained I must fill in the little circles with a pen and make sure I filled those little circles completely with ink. I worried about my artistic ability to fulfill this requirement but decided to give it my best shot. Just because my hand writing isn’t very good is no reason to be denied my constitutional right to cast a ballot. I got in line to have my name checked in the book and found myself standing beside my neighbor. I immediately proclaimed that I had lived next door to her for over ten years and would vouch for her. My announcement was met with eye rolling by the people sitting behind the table and my neighbor. I have this effect on people quite often. As my name was checked off the book I pointed out my wife’s name right next to it and informed the registers that she was home sleeping but I would wake her up upon my return and instruct her to get up and head to the polls. More eye rolling. I was then given a yellow manila folder with my paper ballot inside and directed to a stand with little sides on it so no one could see who I was voting for. Anyone withing five feet of me could have seen who I was voting for but no one showed any interest. I began to mark my ballot being careful to keep the ink within the little circles. They had given me a felt marking pen so it was quite easy. I wondered if the marker pen would be legal because I never consider those things real ink. I decided not to ask and thus prevent more eye rolling. There were two ballots to vote on. One was on calling a state constitutional convention to rewrite said document. I voted no. I had no problem with the old one, not that I had ever read said document, but I saw no point in changing something that I had never had a problem with. The other ballot was whether to give 18 year olds the right to vote. It required a constitutional convention to do that. I voted yes even though I had voted against having a state cconstitutional convention. I wanted to keep the eyes rolling when whoever it was read my ballot. I put my paper ballot back in the yellow manila folder and got in line to cast my vote. The woman in front of me, not my neighbor who seemed to have done her democratic duty and fled so as not to be identified as my next door neighbor again, asked what we should do with the manila folder after we had voted. I wanted to keep mine as a memento of my historic vote with a paper ballot. There went the eyes again so I just put it in the pile were everyone else had left theirs. The person standing by the ballot box told me just to put the paper ballot in the slot either side up and it would automatically pull the ballot in. It looked like a paper shredder to me. I placed the paper ballot in the slot and it was indeed sucked right in and I had cast my vote. I was given a sticker with an American flag on it and the words proud to vote. I placed it on a prominent place on my coat and walked out into the sunny morning with a wide grin on my face. Outside the polling place was filled with bright eyed people, young and old, parents with small children in tow, senior citizens arm in arm walking slowly with as much of a strut as their bones would allow, expensive cars and pick up trucks courteously waving each other by so traffic flowed easily. I got in my car that I had parked in front of the pizza shop that wasn’t open yet and drove home singing Born In The USA by Bruce Springsteen. Once inside I barged into our bedroom, pulled the covers off my sleeping wife’s head and proceeded to tell her of my experience with the paper ballot. She pulled the covers back over her head, but not before rolling her eyes first.

Tom Durfey

To Dream Again

     There is something in the eyes of children that makes you smile. The smile comes inside of you.  You see the wonder of life and the potential. Why does that happen ? We hear so much of those genes that control the way we act. What is that gene that gives us hope, wonderment and love ? Is it something we cannot touch that makes us dream ? Is there something inside of us that gives us innocence, the feeling that life is full of wonders yet to be discovered ? I don’t know and wish I did. Why do many, dare I say most of us, feel that way today ? When Pandora opened that damn box and let all the evils out into the world the only thing left in the bottom of that box was hope.  We cling to hope in the darkest depths of despair. It makes us get up in the morning and do the things we may not want to do, go to work, make sacrifices and try not to allow the demons to hold us back. We gaze at our dreams and it somehow gives us the strength, the courage, to accept what we would rather not because we have to try for something better.

     There is a price that comes with hope. The ghosts of those who dreamed and inspired us to do that are looking at us now. Perhaps those who made the ultimate sacrifice to make a better world are smiling today.

Babyboomers Exit Stage Left

     It’s time for us to take a bow and leave the stage. It’s been fun but we gotta go. The millennials, trophy kids. generation y, the net generation, or whatever you want to call yourselves is up to you. It will never have the same ring as babyboomers but that’s your problem. Barack Obama is the new John Kennedy. We had ours and now you have yours. Our votes for Barack are our parting gifts to you. You wouldn’t have him if it wasn’t for us. We tried to change the world we were born into and almost did. The battles we did win set the stage for what you are reaping. Freedom riders were what were called  young people who rode buses through the south and sat at lunch counters that wouldn’t serve Negroes, which was the politically correct term for African Americans. We were called peaceniks when we laid down in the streets and tried to stop a war. We became hippies when we smoked pot. Fags became gays when they refused to let cops throw them out of the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village. Dolls turned into feminists when they had to burn their bras to get attention to the equality they were denied. Cripples finished marathons and became physically challenged. Chinks filled the ranks of the smartest people in the country and became Asian Americans. The list goes on and so does the beat. It’s okay that our 401 k’s are wiped out, that’s why we started medicare.   But it’s time for us to take a bow and leave the stage, stage left of course. We don’t want any thanks, just keep working and feeding that social security bank for us. Sorry if it runs out but that’s your problem.  So are all the rest.

     Peace, Love, Bread, Freedom and Justice. Good luck.

A Tale Of Two Cities

     The day before the city celebrated the election of a favorite son as President of the United States Fast Eddy Vrdolyak slipped out the back door of a Chicago court room. He had just pled guilty to conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud. A deal was made to drop the other crimes he was charged with. Fast Eddy knows about deals and Chicago judges. In 1960 an attempted murder charge against him was dropped by a Chicago court. He was censured twice by the Illinois Bar Association and his law license suspended once.  His law career is full of accusations and dropped charges. Fast Eddy was once a Chicago Alderman and the leader of the Vrdolyak ” 29 ”, a group of 28 alderman plus the city’s lone Hispanic one who opposed Mayor Harold Washington in the 1980′s. The Vrdolyak ” 29 ” were the remains of the old Mayor Richard Daley democratic machine that ran the city. Washington had once been part of that machine but had left them and was now the city’s first black mayor. For that reason the ” 29 ” tried to block every move Washington made. The new mayor did get his programs through but the fighting caused Chicago to be dubbed Beirut By The Lake. Washington went to court and got the ward maps changed giving blacks more of a say in government their numbers deserved. Edward Vrdolyak was finished. He went on to run against Washington and even became a republican but it was to no avail. Fast Eddy went back to his law practice and continued his brand of rough and tough Chicago politics, in and out of courts as often in connection with investigations as a lawyer.

     The day after Fast Eddy slipped out that back door of a Chicago court Barack Obama was elected the first African American President of the United States. Chicago threw a big party in Grant Park that night. The city is the home of the first black President when he isn’t in the White House. On January 9, 2009, eleven days before Obama is sworn in as President, Edward Vrdolyak will be back in that court room facing a sentence of 41 months in prison for not cooperating with other investigations brought by prosecutors. The court room still has that back door and Fast Eddy knows where it is.

Post Obama Game Show

    I need change. From Obama. After the election he went home for a few quiet days away from all the hoopla. That’s what I need right now. This was the best election I ever covered. It  had everything, the characters, the drama, the suspense, all you could hope for along with a happy ending. But I’m one of those kids who always felt a little sad after Christmas. No matter how it turned out I missed the excitement of anticipation leading up to the big day, not knowing if your wishes would come true, how it was never far from your thoughts. The post party for Obama I have no interest in. The Obama gear is flying out of stores, newspapers proclaiming his win sold out. I am glad people feel this way but I guess I am also a little jealous. I bought an Obama tee shirt back in the summer from a bunch of high school kids who were having a bake sale for Barack. The 20 dollars I paid for it and some stale cookies went to his campaign while Hillary was beating him in all those forgotten primaries and the nomination was up for grabs. Forgive my smugness as I now watch people in their 40 dollar shirts that are being mass produced by some company that is pocketing all the profits. The final straw is this organization that will be collecting money at the inauguration to get Obama’s face on Mt. Rushmore. I wonder where that money will be going ?  I don’t begrudge anyone the after glow of the Obama victory, enjoy it, we all know what happens when somebody wins the Super Bowl. But I am already feeling that anticipation of what is coming next. The excitement of how and if this change will come about and the rocky road ahead of it. Who knows what will happen ? I always feel better with something to look forward to.

Spending Priorities

     China now has their own bailout plan to deal with the economic crisis and will spend 586 billion dollars to rebuild communities devastated by earthquakes and to rebuild bridges, roads, subways, trains and airports. We are giving 700 billion to Wall Street and as the NY Times reported last week some of the companies getting that money are already putting it into bonus accounts for executives. The federal government is about to give A.I.G another hand out bringing the total to 150 billion dollars for one company alone. None of the 700 billion dollars in our bailout plan is going to areas devastated by Hurricane Katrina or bridges or roads or subways or trains or airports. We are in debt to China for 541 billion dollars. What’s going on here ? Barack Obama says his number one priority is to pass another stimulus package. How about our number one priority being making sure we get what we pay for before anybody gets any more of our money ? How about we invest in our infrastructure and fix some of the problems in this country while creating jobs for the middle and lower class ? If those Wall Street CEO’s want a share of the 700 billion dollars they can forget about the bonus and pick up a shovel.

     I am thinking about starting my own company, selling shares to the public, giving myself a big bonus with that money and declaring bankruptcy. I think that is the only way to get some of that 700 billion bailout package. I’ll send you all a post card from the Cayman Islands where I will be partying with my friends from congress.

My Gay Marriage

     I am not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that as Jerry Seinfeld says. My wife and I were married by a lesbian minister. I forget what church or denomination the woman who married us is in. I don’t pay attention to things like that, which probably puts me at odds with most God fearing people. I also don’t fear God, which probably puts me at odds with most people. I figure he has more important things to do then scare me about who performed the service the day my bride and I got married. The minister was a very nice young lady who someone suggested to my wife. I don’t know who suggested her either. As you can tell there are many things I remain blissfully unaware of. We got married in Chicago and Illinois does not recognize gay marriage. Does that mean Illinois does not recognize our marriage ? I mean if you are gay and aren’t allowed to marry it doesn’t seem like it would be okay for a gay person to marry you does it ? These are things I think about rather than who married me and what their sexual preference is. California just repealed gay marriage. They had to repeal it because the California Supreme Court legalized gay marriage. As reported in the Los Angeles Times California is our most gay friendly state providing more legal protections to gays and lesbians than anywhere else in the country. California makes less sense than I do.

The Hospital Stay

     I have never been in a hospital longer than one night. My recent operation to correct a malfunctioning bone part called for a three day stay. It was preceded by many people calling on the phone and apologizing for asking me the same questions to which I graciously acquiesced. The check in went fine as they took my clothes and asked the same questions again. I was seated on a table in an operating room that had machines resembling the ones in old horror movies. These people haven’t heard about the digital age. I woke in what resembled an old hotel room that was probably very posh in the 1920′s. It was small and cramped with a lot of old furniture. Nurses, doctors, physical therapists and an assortment of individuals pumping me full of drugs reminded me of the Marx Brothers movie where fifty people had to cram into a room no bigger that a closet.  The drugs were administered in plastic shot glasses half full of rainbow colored pills. This must be where the term drug cocktail came from. I was injected with needles two or three at a time. After the first 24 hours I asked about going to the bathroom even though I didn’t have to go. No need for that as I was hooked up to a tube that drained me of any such urge. Bowel movements weren’t necessary as I would be constipated from the drugs for my stay. My wife came to visit one night and we took advantage of a free guest meal and ordered dinner. I placed the call and after a wait someone answered ” room service ! ”. My impression of an old hotel deepened. The meals made a school cafeteria seem like a five star restaurant.  I was limited in what I could order because I was a diabetic and had a heart attack ten years ago. My wife pointed out that I was not a diabetic and had never had a heart attack. I told her my doctors and I agreed on that but apparently room service did not. On the second night the morphine was flowing like champagne. A party full of loud voices and laughter was in full swing at the nurses station. I was laying in my bed when suddenly the door opened and the light blazed on. A man with tools and metal bars began to assemble them over the bed. My questions as to what he was doing were ignored. The structure began to take shape over and around me. I rang for the nurse who appeared and told me this is the way things are done are at the hospital. When the man had finished his work there was a metal trapeze hanging over me. I called my wife and left a message. She called back and offered to play the recording of my wild ravings back to me. I declined. I got up the next morning, got dressed and demanded to be sent home. After a few hours my wish was granted. The next day my doctor informed me that the hospital told him I was one of their best patients.

     A year ago a state commission recommended closing half our hospitals because the system was going bankrupt and consolidation was the only answer. I was one of the few who actually read the report and agreed. I got a lot of flack for that. I stand by my original diagnosis.

Go With The Flow Joe

     Swiftpolitics decided to check in with Joe Lemming, named after the little critters who commit mass suicide by jumping off a cliff and drowning in the ocean because all the other lemmings are doing it. I pulled into the circular driveway of the stucco mansion with the hand made ” for sale by owner ” sign in front of it. Joe was mowing the lawn and seemed glad for the company. Here’s how the conversation went.

How’s it going Joe ? I haven’t lost so much money since investing in that start up dot com in 1998.

Any offers on the house ? It’s selling like a Santa Barbara mansion with a wildfire coming down the street.

Any chance for another loan ? Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson wouldn’t touch it.

How much does it cost to heat this place ? An OPEC sheik couldn’t afford it. I locked into one of those home heating oil deals when crude was selling for 150 dollars a barrel.

Are you selling the Humvee ? I got an ad running in Mercenary magazine. I’m targeting my buyers.

How’s the wife ? She’s holding off on the divorce proceedings until the economy turns around and I might be worth something.

How about the kids ? They left Princeton when the tuition loans dried up and are at Maypole Community College. It’s not too bad. A lot of their old professors are substitute teaching there.

Any job prospects ? When I let the gardeners go I told them to call me when harvest season starts.

Tom Durfey

Bullet Points

     The Iraqi government has set a deadline for the with drawl of U.S. troops. Don’t let the tent flap hit you in the ass on the way out…They have also gotten rid of the Iraqis in charge of making sure there was no corruption. They were too corrupt. We could have used that 13 billion they wasted on theft, fraud and embezzlement and given it to General Motors. Bring the bailout home…The GOP is looking at their base supporters and trying to figure out a way to get rid of them…Karl Rove should be put in Guantanamo Bay before it closes…Letterman and Leno should moderate all future presidential debates…If we all vote by absentee ballots we can cut a month off the presidential campaign season…Can we get the money back from building that wall to keep the Mexicans out…Whatever happened to the separation of church and state…The Cayman Islands is the only place on the planet not worried about the global financial meltdown. They have all the money…Before Hillary Clinton becomes secretary of state Bill has to be vetted. There go the half million dollar speaking fees in Arabia and the keys to the harem…I can’t wait for the after the holidays sales. I’m putting everything on lay away and paying for it in June 2009.

Tom Durfey

Give ‘Em Hell Hillary

     Barack Obama is a tough pragmatist. Part of his original appeal was that he was no John Kerry or Al Gore. Here was a liberal who could punch.  He fought to win, no thanks to public financing for the campaign, he needed more money and he got it. His choice of Hillary Clinton is the best pick for Secretary of State since Colin Powell. Only she has a backbone. Hillary’s future was not in the Senate. She was never a leader there and never would be. Her talents are best used when she is on center stage. This lady also knows how to punch. I can’t wait to watch her take on those tin horn dictators on the global stage. What better message to send to sheiks who make their women dress in robes from head to foot than a good kick in their ass from a pants suit. Now that Obama has shown the Arab world Americans can elect someone like him, Hillary will show the women of the world what a good old liberated female from the USA can do. Anyone who can keep Bill Clinton in line will have a piece of cake with guys like Hugo Chavez. Here comes Golda Meir American style. Somewhere Margaret Thatcher is saying right on sister. Mother Theresa is probably giving a yell too. This is better than a Barack/Hillary ticket ever could have been. The best of America is stepping forward. A lot of guys out there better duck. Give ‘em hell Hillary.

Help Is On The Way, We Hope

     Barack Obama is not waiting. His regular press conferences and introductions of cabinet members and staff shows he’s not just looking for a new dog in the White House. More important he is showing he is doing something. While Congress and a lame duck president continue to flounder Obama is offering hope. FDR knew how much this mattered when he said fear is the only thing we have to fear. Even if no concrete steps have been taken to directly address the economy the fear seems to be abating. At least we know someone is working on finding solutions to this mess we are in. That’s why the calvary blows the bugle, it’s heartening to know that help is on the way. 

     The time between election day and inauguration day was shortened because of the Depression as Herbert Hoover sat in the White House wondering what happened to the two chickens that were supposed to be in everybody’s pot while everyone else waited for Roosevelt. Obama has shortened that time frame again and he didn’t need Congress to do it. We know he is on the job right now.

     The dog can wait.

11 Ways To Be Like Obama

     The hucksters are in full capitalistic mode cashing in on the Obama phenomenon. They are selling anything they can with Barack’s name on it, commemorative plates, pictures, newspapers, magazines, shirts etc. This is one sector of the economy that is booming. They will probably raise more money than the Obama campaign did only these bucks go right into the pockets of greedy sellers. In response to this blatant capitalism, swiftpolitics has compiled a list of things you can do for free to honor the president elect.

Underwear…you can change everyday.

Adopt a hypo allergenic dog.

Keep saying ” look ”.

When you walk in a room to greet your friends clap.

Stop shaking hands, punch fists.

Start smoking and try to quit.

Four years after a company hires you tell them you want to be the boss.

Tell everyone you are from Chicago and you’re biracial.

Leave your church because the minister is too controversial.

Start jogging, pick a running mate who says something stupid everyday.

Start soliciting small donations on the internet.

     For an official commemorative list of 11 ways to be like Obama send ten dollars to swiftpolitics dot com.

Tom Durfey

It’s Not Inclusion If You Don’t Invite Them

      A lot of people are wetting their pants because Barack Obama is bringing some old people into his new administration. All these old Clinton people, horrors ! The ones that worked in the financial sector will now be working with Obama ! When Obama talked about bringing people together, inclusion, these idiots probably thought, ” Great ! Everyone is going to become a liberal ! ”. Well change your diapers and get a grip, that’s not what inclusion is. Whether you like it or not the Sarah Palin crowd, Wall Street, Main Street and everybody else has to sit at the same table. Hold your nose if you have to but get over it.

     If you are going to build a house you don’t hire a guy who never punched a nail for your carpenter. There are a lot of professional athletes who never realized their potential until they got the right coach. It is not all that unusual for the flame out to light a new fire. John Kennedy went outside the government to bring in a new group of advisers who were dubbed the ” Best and the Brightest ”. You know what happened to them.

     Obama cites Doris Kearns Goodwin’s book Team of Rivals, about Lincoln’s cabinet, as an influence. Abe brought a bunch of his political enemies into his administration. That’s inclusion. Telling people they have to sit in the back of the bus never got us anywhere.

Punch A Liberal

     Those who mourn the demise of the slash and burn tactics of Karl Rove and his right wing storm troopers need only to look to the left for the return of their swagger. Liberals have always been late to pick up new things. They are probably buying slinkies and hula hoops this holiday season to put under the Christmas tree. After twenty years of getting hit over the head and responding by taking baby strength Tylenol they have begun to strut. The left, what’s left of them, are already warning Obama that they want their tickets punched for delivering him his historic victory.

     Eli Pariser of Moveon.org is bellowing that if liberals are disappointed with Obama they have a good three years to storm the gates of the White House. Liberals storming the gates probably means a letter writing campaign followed by a bake sale. The bloggers responsible for claiming Sarah Palin said Africa is a country and not a continent turn out to be a couple of comedians trying to get a tv show. If these guys have taken their gloves off looking for a fight the gloves probably came from a debutant ball.

     Obama hasn’t been sworn in as president yet and these pansies are already drooling. Not the drool of a wolf but the drool of a baby with colic. Colic is a condition when a healthy baby cries for no reason. I’m shaking in my boots. What’s next ? Joe the Accountant ? These left wing cry babies are preparing for a duel in the sun while wearing sun block on their noses and Gucci shades.

     Punch a liberal. I’m sure they will apologize.

The All American Way

     Last February Plaxico Burress caught the winning touchdown for the New York Giants in the Super Bowl. Last Saturday he tried to catch a drink he spilled in a New York night club and shot himself in the leg. Nice hands. Burress was taken by his drinking buddies to a prestigious New York hospital that treated and released him and broke the law by not informing the police they had admitted a shooting victim. Burress went home to his mansion in New Jersey. Cops heard about it on television. The Super Bowl star did not have a permit for the gun he shot himself with and it was later found in the glove compartment of the SUV belonging to one of his drinking buddies, linebacker Antonio Pierce, the heart and soul of the Giant’s defense. A spokesman for the police department says the Giants and the NFL are not cooperating in the investigation. Burress was arraigned Monday and faces a mandatory three and half years in prison for criminal possession of a weapon.

     It’s the same old story of the gifted athlete who can do every thing right in a game and every thing wrong in life. Pampered and protected by family and coaches because of their talent, most of them flame out while still in their teens. Some make it to college and far fewer are able to make a lucrative living off their skills. Then their ranks are thinned by injuries, drugs, booze and partying. A lot end up broke and crippled in mind and body after living half of a normal life span. There’s plenty of blame to go around but not much help for the fallen super stars. They are as easy to replace as a worn out jock strap.

     Plaxico Burress’s hands caught the winning touchdown pass in the Super Bowl. Ten months later the same hands shot Plaxico Burress in his own leg. Who cares ? The Giants are 11 and 1. See you in the playoffs !

On The Road Again

     Swiftpolitics was able to plant a bug in the hybrid car the heads of the big three automakers drove to Washington D.C. where they are begging for a bailout. Here is the transcript of the recording.

GM   Ah the open road ! This is great. We get to see the real America.

Ford   I miss my corporate jet with a hot stewardess bringing me a chilled martini.

Chrysler   Open the cooler and pass me another beer.

GM   Oh Oh. We’re stopping. A sign says construction ahead.

Ford   It must be that infrastructure stuff. They are probably fixing the highway.

Chrysler   Who are all those guys standing around watching while one guy digs a ditch ?

GM   Must be management.

Ford   We’re stopped. The hybrid just turned off the battery and went to running on gas.

Chrysler   What’s that smell ? Do you hear a knocking ?

GM   A light just came on the dashboard. It says check engine.

Ford   How the hell do we do that ?

Chrysler   Check the owner’s manual. It’s in the glove compartment.

GM   There’s a compartment for gloves ? What do we need that for ?

Ford   I can’t get the damn thing open !

Chrysler   Maybe the owner’s manual will tell us how to open it.

GM   It’s in the glove compartment you idiot !

Ford   Why is everybody honking ?

Chrysler   The car died. We need help !

GM   How much farther to Washington ? Are we there yet ?

Ford   Hey ! Ask that guy in the Nissan for help.

Chrysler   He just passed us.

GM   Pass me another beer.

How To Spend The Bailout Money

     Americans are not happy about the way Congress is spending the bailout bucks. They are not happy about the bailout or Congress either for that matter. Swiftpolitics decided to check in with our friend on Capital Hill, a Washington fixture who has directed more dollars into the economy than anyone. We met Lobbying Sam, the Fix It Man for lunch at D.C.’s Le Swank restaurant.

SP   Sam what do you think about the bailout ?

It’s killing me. I always made sure our tax dollars went to local organizations like small businesses, the Boy Scouts and race tracks. I got more money to Main Street by buying congressmen who spent it in their districts. Now they are giving it all to big corporations. What’s this country coming to ?

SP   Do you think the big three automakers should get a bailout ?

With the money they are asking for I could get Congress to fund fifty plants to build hybrid cars and have enough left over to build the roads and bridges to drive them on.

SP   How ?

Just bury it in pork the way we always did! That’s why spending bills have attachments ! I think the founding fathers made that up. How do you think they paid all those contractors to build those mansions that all the tourists go see every year. They’re still making money !

SP   But Sam, how do we pay for all the pressing needs like health care ?

I got a prescription for that. I’ll call the drug companies. They’re working on pills to treat diseases we haven’t even heard of yet.

SP   How about people with sub prime loans who are losing their homes ?

The government got involved and screwed everything up there too. In the old days you could get a loan for as much money as you wanted with only ten percent down. Nobody took your home if you fell behind on the payments, they broke your knee caps. Everybody found a way to pay.

SP   What about other problems like education ?

Experts agree you got to get the family involved. We do that like Wheel of Fortune. Parents would kill their kids if they got the wrong answer.

SP   Let’s talk about the ecology. What about off shore drilling ?

Tourism baby. We snag some of those green bucks and build resorts in the ocean like Atlantis and hide an oil drilling rig inside them.

SP   What about wind power ?

We got plenty in the US Senate.

SP   Immigration ?

We pay them to stay where they live. It’s cheaper than building a wall.

SP   How about the governors ? They want a piece of the pie too.

No problem. Guys like me have branch offices in every state capital in the country.

SP   How did we get into this economic mess Sam ?

That’s what happens when you let the feds get involved. They deregulated everything and all those Wall Street guys and big corporations got involved who didn’t know how the system works. What did you expect ?

Tom Durfey

Twas The Night Before Obama

Twas the night before 20, January

and all through the nation,

Everyone was waiting

for Barack to take his station

 

The bailouts are pending

the economy is broke

George Bush is leaving

like a bad New Year’s joke

 

The car makers are begging

to ride home in style

the cars they are building

get a gallon a mile

 

The banks are not lending

all loans are froze

Hank Paulson is sneezing

broken promises out his nose

 

Hillary is anxious

to stride the global stage

Bill’s speaking in Malaysia

there’s money to be made

 

The cabinet is forming

like a holiday fruit cake

unemployment lines are growing

it’s like going to a wake

 

On Richardson ! On Clinton ! On Daschle and Gates !

Let’s hope they do something

before it’s too late

 

And I heard him exclaim

as he came into view

” Look…the burden’s on me,

But it’s also on you… “

 

Tom Durfey

The Committee To Divide America

     With America going along with Barack Obama’s message of inclusion, bringing everyone together, organizations that made a living by dividing our country are in worse financial shape then a hedge fund account. Swiftpolitics checked in with one of them, the Committee To Divide America and spoke with their chief strategist, Lieing Sam the Attack Ad Man. Here is the transcript.

SW  How’s it going Sam ?

Sam     I tell ya I feel like Rodney Dangerfield. I don’t get no respect you know ? When people like Caroline Kennedy are making fools of themselves who needs me ? It’s getting bad. How can you say something stupid about Joe Biden when he beats you to the punch ? I tell ya I couldn’t pin a lie on Dick Nixon ! Look at Joe the Plumber. Turned out the guy wasn’t paying taxes anyway ! How could he be so shallow ?

SW   I thought you had something going with Bill Ayers, the weather underground guy ?

Sam   A total dud. No wonder those hippies kept blowing themselves up with their own bombs !

SW   What happened with Obama’s minister the Reverend Wright ?

Sam   Barack gave that speech on religion. I tell ya Obama could kill an Inquisition for God’s sake !

SW   How bad is it ?

Sam   I tell ya it’s bad. If Mike Dukakis rode around in a tank people would probably say nice hat ! It’s so bad if George McGovern picked Tom Eagleton to be vice president today everybody would get a lobotomy so he wouldn’t feel bad ! I tell ya it’s so bad when California banned gay marriages and Obama invited that queer basher Rev. Rick Warren to the inauguration the only people who got mad were liberals ! It’s so bad Governor Blagojevich probably couldn’t get a fair trial at a hairdresser’s convention. I don’t get no respect anymore, George Bush threw a shoe at me !

Tom Durfey

The Cheney Interview

     Swiftpolitics sat down with vice president Dick Cheney for this exclusive interview. Here is the transcript.

SW   Mister Vice President thank you for giving us this interview, but I must ask, why speak just to swiftpolitics ?

Cheney   You’re the only one I trust.

SW   Uuuuhhh, thank you, I guess. How would you sum up your vice presidency ?

Cheney   It’s good to be the king !

SW   How would you describe your relationship with George Bush ?

Cheney   Who ?

SW   George Bush !  The president !

Cheney   Oh him. Not too bright but he does what he’s told.

SW   What has George Bush done ?

Cheney   He looked great in that pilot suit and he didn’t crash his plane into the aircraft carrier. Mission Accomplished !

SW   What do you think was George Bush’s highest moment ?

Cheney   When he got drunk at a frat party at Yale.

SW   Was George Bush decisive as president ?

Cheney   Yes and no.

SW   What will be Bush’s legacy ?

Cheney   I haven’t decided yet.

SW   How come you didn’t run for president ?

Cheney   Been there, done that.

SW   After Bush leaves the White House what will happen to him ?

Cheney   I’m going to take him hunting. He might have ducked those shoes but he can’t hide from a shotgun full of buckshot.

 

Tom Durfey

Weekend At Bernie’s

     Financier Bernard (Bernie) Madoff, who is under house arrest for stealing 50 billion dollars from investors in a Ponzi scheme, threw a little party at his Manhattan apartment over the weekend. Swiftpolitics, taped it. Here are the transcripts.

Bernie…Hello ! Good to see you ! Give your minks and Versacce coats to the illegal help. Be sure to help yourselves to the party favors, diamond necklaces for everyone ! Hey look who’s here ! Rick Wagoner CEO of GM ! How was the trip in from Detroit Rick ?   Rick…The private jet hit some turbulance over Lansing. It was probably caused by all those retired auto workers getting getting their life supports unplugged, hah !   Bernie…Ha Ha ! You kill me Rick !   Rick…Just get in the assembly line Bernie, get it ?   Bernie…Good to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor. Hey look who’s woofing down all the canapes. Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson ! Getting your fill Hank ?   Hank…Yeah they’re great. Don’t worry if we run low, I’m sure I can arrange a little loan so we can order some more !    Bernie…That’s what I like to hear Hank ! Hello Senator Dodd ! Thanks for tearing yourself away from those nice homes in Washington and Connecticut. The Chairman of the Banking Committee works too hard !   Senator Dodd…Somebody has to pay off those loans I got from Country Wide Financial. But not me, such a deal I got in 2004 !   Bernie…I’m sure it was money well spent, Ha Ha ! If you need to spruce up those places I know ex-Senator Ted Stevens contractor has a lot of time on his hands.   Dodd…And a lot of taxpayer’s money in his pockets, Ha Ha !   Bernie…Don’t we all ! Look at old George Steinbrenner over here. Nice job on the new Yankee Stadium George ! Steinbrenner…Thanks ! The 400 million I got in tax breaks really helped. Helps me pay the highest salaries in sports ! This year we might even make the playoffs ! But who cares ?   Bernie…Good to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor George. Well if it isn’t China’s ambassador Hung Hi, how are the egg rolls Hung ?   Hung Hi…Very good.  They really put some lead in your pencil if you know what I mean.   Bernie…Ha Ha. You kill me Hung !   Hung Hi…Yeah, you and a couple hundred peasants too ! If you would like to take a look at your trillion dollar debt I’ll send you a statement from one of our banks. Ha Ha !   Bernie…And there’s more debt coming from where that debt came from ! Well look who showed up ! President George W. Bush ! Glad you could make it.   Bush…Make it ? Bernie if it wasn’t for me we all wouldn’t be here ! Ha Ha !

Tom Durfey

Madoff Is Sooooo Sorry !

     Bernard ” Ponzi ” Madoff, who made off with 50 billion dollars, has this to say, ” Please accept my profound apologies for the terrible inconvenience that I have caused over the past few weeks ”. Terrible inconvenience ? For wiping out people’s life savings and wrecking their lives ? But wait ! That’s not what Bernie the Ponz is apologizing for. This sorry note went in the mail boxes of the other co-op owners in his swanky and very expensive Manhattan apartment building. Bernie feels bad about the scum he has attracted, namely us reporters. It must be awful for the neighbors to have to listen to questions like ” how do you fell about stealing someone’s savings they worked their whole life for ? ”. But not a word of remorse to the tens of thousands of lives he has ruined. No I’m sorry to the charities that are closing and the services they provided to all the people who need them. Instead Bernie is sending million dollar checks and diamond jewelry to his relatives and a nice little apology note to his rich neighbors. The Ponz needs some rehabilitation. 23 hours a day in a 12′ by 8′ jail cell sounds good to me. But a judge has ruled that Bernie’s attempts to smuggle tens of millions of dollars in checks and jewelry out of his apartment to relatives doesn’t mean that Madoff represents an economic danger to his community. Maybe not his community. So reporters remember, behave yourselves outside Bernie’s expensive co-op, don’t disturb the rich neighbors and wipe your feet !

Tom Durfey

Oooooooops ! Sorry

     President Bush went before the press and admitted to some mistakes he made during his presidency. Some ? Here is what swiftpolitics would have liked to hear him say.

Bush Mistakes…

I really get those names confused. I wanted to invade IRAN, not IRAQ.

I thought Guantanamo Bay was a nice resort in Jamaica.

I wanted the banner to say Mission Impossible, like the movie, Cheney must have changed it.

You mean phone taps are illegal ?

Hurricane Katrina ? Boy those weathercasters never get it right.

When I heard the Russians invaded Georgia I called Jimmy Carter.

I thought stem cell research would put antennas on cell phones.

I got the idea for no child left behind when my parents got me into Yale.

I thought the housing bubble was a Frank Lloyd Wright design.

There’s no mortgage crisis. You won’t believe the deal I just got on a new home in Dallas.

 

Tom Durfey

State Of The Family

     It’s the time of year when the heads of their fiefdoms report to the peasants on the State of the Union, state, county, city, village etc. Swiftpolitics visited the Dalrymple family as Dad Dalrymple delivered the State of the Dalrymples. Here’s the transcript.

I would like to acknowledge all our distinguished guests, Mom, Uncle Charley, Sonny and Sis. We face grave challenges in the year ahead. Here are my solutions.

A new job program…Uncle Charley, get one !

Rising college costs…Join the army !

Quality of life issues…your sister is going to clean the bathroom.

The arts…stop eating with your fingers.

Attract new business…Mom is becoming a hooker.

Transportation…Take the bus.

Health…Forget the bus, walk.

Infrastructure jobs…You get a dollar for mowing the lawn and another buck for shoveling snow.

Growing use of the internet…I’m not paying for cell phones, blackberries and all that other electronic crap. No more cable tv we’re going analog.

Energy program…Close the windows in the winter and open them in summer.

The Lumbering Corrupt Force

     What if Obama can’t do all the things he promised because of the stupid way the system works ? Some people are already mad at him. Obama talked about bringing us all together but when he chose Rev. Rick Warren to say a prayer at the inauguration some liberals got pissed off because the reverend doesn’t hold the same views they do on abortion and gay marriage. Will the next hundreds of billions of dollars we pump into the economy do any better than the hundreds of billions we already shoveled in ? We know a lot of that money didn’t go to where it was supposed to. There are promises that this next round of bucks will be more closely watched and better spent. Excuse me for doubting ! There is a lumbering corrupt force ( LCF )in our country that is fighting the reformers who want to put America back on track where we belong. So far it’s lumbering corrupt force 3 reform 0. We are about to enter a new ball game with a new quarterback but the old enemy still looks pretty tough. Democrats don’t have a filibuster proof senate. My fingers are cramped from keeping them crossed for the Minnesota senate race. Those Clinton people filling all the posts in the new administration are not exactly the 1927 Yankees. This whole economic mess started with people who shouldn’t have bought homes and they are still losing them. How many more Bernard Madoffs are out there that we haven’t heard about yet ? Israel hasn’t stopped the rockets from hitting them but there are a lot more dead Palestinians. The United Nations is a joke but nobody’s laughing.

     I remain an optimist but I also keep watching my back. The lumbering corrupt force is out there and it’s still hungry.

Tom Furfey

One Of Those Not Elelected The First Black President

      The first of the many politicians I would interview in my career was Detroit Mayor Coleman Young. It was 1979 when I was a young reporter in Denver, Colorado. Young was a pioneer. In 1973 he became one of the first African Americans elected mayor of a large American city. He was a national political leader. We interviewed him on the street outside a hall where he would speak to an over whelmingly black audience.  Inside Young was introduced to the crowd as ” The first black man who will be elected President of the United States ”. I thought in my grand dreams wow, I can say I talked to him. Of course it was not to be. Coleman Young governed a poor city plagued with crime. Whites were running to the suburbs. Major cities had erupted in fiery and deadly riots just ten years before. Young was blunt and swore a lot. Many blacks loved him and many more whites hated him. He served five terms as mayor and died in 1997.

     Tomorrow I will cover the inauguration of Barack Obama as the first African American President of the United States. I know I will think back thirty years ago to a young man with big dreams in Denver covering his first political story and interviewing a man who was called the first black who will be elected President. I hope Mayor Young will be watching somewhere.

Is It Worse Than We Thought ?

     Back to the bad news after the euphoria of the inauguration. Reports started a week ago that the reason banks have not started lending again is because their balance sheets are hiding a lot more than we thought. They are holding on to the billions they have been given in bailout money because they are going to need it. It appears the books are still being cooked and we haven’t found out just how bad it is yet. Mortgage applications are on the rise but even people with the best credit are not getting loans. It seems the lending institutions know something we don’t know yet. The stock markets yesterday lost all the gains they have made recently. While a happy nation danced at their inaugural balls last night the guys holding the purse strings went into their bunkers.

     Obama offers the promise of hope and change. We need the former and are desperate for the later. But I think we are going to be tightening our belts a few more notches before this thing is over.

Bye Bye Caroline

     Caroline Kennedy decides New York politics isn’t a stroll in the park. Her trips into Central Park were to get to Tavern On The Green. She dipped her toe in New York politics and it wasn’t filled with rubber duckies and bubble bath. We like our politicians tough, like us. Caroline went upstate and got a nose bleed. She made her splash into politics with a phone call to the Governor asking for an appointment. I guess good manners called for a phone call to say ” No thank you, ”. Her qualifications, like being a mom, didn’t exactly resonate with single mothers trying to pay the rent and put a meal on the table and worrying if their kids would make it to school safely. Her idea of cleaning up the environment is putting scented soap balls in the bathroom. Fightin’ Caroline treated the press like an uninvited guest at a tea party. Her grasp of the economy is a charge account at Saks. Thanks for the ride honey, hop off the bus and get back in the BMW. Now if they could only stop those darn windmills from ruining the view from Hyannis Port.

Idiots And Thieves

     When someone has their hand in your pocket you know he is a thief. When someone who is supposed to be guarding your money tells the thief which pocket it’s in you know he’s an idiot, or is working with the thief. That’s what seems to be happening with bailouts. The money goes to Wall Street, which has already ripped us off, and they get it from congress who allows them to steal it. Half of last year’s 700 billion dollar bailout went to banks. The head of the congressional watchdog panel set up to keep track of the dough, Elizabeth Warren, says they don’t know what the banks have done with the money. Great. Now the president and congressional democrats want to give these crooks hundreds of billions of dollars more. They claim the oversight will be more transparent. It’s transparent enough for me right now, we’re getting screwed.

     How can we trust congress, which is no different than last year except it has more democrats, to do a better job this time ? If the money was going to create jobs and help people save their homes I would be all for it. But unemployment keeps rising along with the foreclosure rate.

     Unless they come up with a plan that guarantees oversight and how the money will be spent to help Americans who need it, forget it. I’m sure Wall Street and Congress will get along just fine. The thieves will come up with another way to rip us off and the idiots will be blind to it as usual.

What The Economic Stimulus Package Means To Me !

Here is how the $825 billion bailout affects me.

The foreclosure on my home is moving full speed ahead.

My 401-k is still wiped out.

AARP turned me down for health insurance.

My bank has a $50 ATM fee.

I don’t have a job but the government doesn’t consider me unemployed.

The peanut butter with salmonella is cheap and doesn’t taste so bad.

When I answer the phone and it’s a telemarketer THEY hang up on me.

I’m thinking of moving to New Orleans to start over.

Bernard Maddoff thinks I’m a bad investment.

My congressman didn’t vote on the bailout package because he’s on a fact finding tour in Las Vegas.

I’m starting to sympathize with Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich.

My daughter thinks all US Senators are appointed.

I got a post card from my broker in the Cayman Islands.

Blackberries are something I put on my corn flakes.

I did a Google search on ” hopeless ” and my name came up.

I was turned down for a cab driver job because I speak English.

I need some change I can put in my pocket.

Internet……Sword Of Obama

      The President was talking tough about holding Wall Street accountable when he threatened to put their corporate shenanigans on the Internet for all to see. This can be more than a threat. It can be a sword. Imagine the corporations being pilloried on My space, You Tube, and Twitter.  Candidate Obama wrote a new chapter in politics with his use of the Internet.

     I did some research and came upon Dominic Jones’ take on this in Investor Online Relations. The Obama administration wants to post non-emergency bills on the Internet for five days before he signs them, disclose what contractors spend on lobbying and what contracts they get and require Cabinet heads to have broadband town hall meetings on issues before their departments.

     Here are some other things I would like to see on the net. The complete financial records of all companies getting a bailout and how they are spending it, and all those clamoring for a piece of the bailout pie before they get it. There are enough geeks out there who are CPA’s and could explain to the rest of us where the money is going. I would rather have them keeping track of our taxpayer money than a committee appointed by congress.

     Here’s another idea. Why wait for President Obama to do it ?

Corporate Executives Talking Business

      The Fat Cat Corporation recently held a meeting on Wall Street to discuss their finances. Swiftpolitics secretly taped their conversation. Here is the transcript.

Times are tough. I’m living from bonus to bonus.

The Air Force has a bunch of new jets they ordered and can’t afford. Let’s buy some of those babies for our corporate trips.

I’m tired of Vegas for employee training conferences. I hear Tahiti is nice.

Has anybody seen my golf clubs ?

You threw them in Lake Inverness on that corporate golf outing in Scotland last month.

We need some more charity donations for write offs. Any ideas ?

I hear Bernie Maddoff still has some tricks up his sleeves.

Remind me to send a thank you note for that diamond necklace he sent my wife for Christmas.

We have to show we’re doing something about the environment. Call Mercedes and see how those green cars are coming along.

That new IZNOP division is really showing some promise. The money is rolling in !

What’s IZNOP ?

Ponzi spelled backwards !

We have to redecorate these offices. The Russians got drunk and threw up on the Persian carpets at that party on International Relations last week.

And those French assholes drew mustaches on the paintings they sold us !

Yeah, and tell the Sheik to leave the camels in the lobby next time.

Why is everybody complaining about college costs ? I just got my kid into Yale on a George W. Bush Scholarship. He’s majoring in English as a Second Language.

The Things That Never Go Away

      Old friends are photographs. Locked in time forever. Memories are new when you haven’t thought of them for awhile. Time disappears. The surprise of looking older, different fades quickly. The smiles are the same. The familiarity is reborn quickly like it has never left. The comfort wraps around you. The stories told are like yesterday, the years in between fade away. The laughter comes easily.  The time to leave comes too soon. The promises to stay in touch make you feel good. New memories are born and take their places with the old ones. Some are still waiting to happen.

Why Are Black People Being So Nice To Me ?

     Black people are different. No I don’t mean because we have different color skin or a different culture. They’ve changed. Everybody talks to me more. This is big coming from anyone. It’s a big change for me. Conversation is readily joined with Black people I don’t know. I feel like this was missing all my life and I didn’t even know it.

     My Black friends haven’t changed. We still treat each other like we always did. It’s the people I don’t know, or only knew well enough to say hi and exchange some pleasantries. Now it’s different. Where have they been ? Where have I been ? What was making us keep that distance between us ? Was it me ? Was it them ? I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m enjoying it. 

     If President Obama does nothing else he has made a difference. It’s something you can’t put your finger on, it’s just there. Why was it so long in coming ? What were we thinking ? I guess it really doesn’t matter. You can go nuts over analyzing things. It is different though and I like it. That’s good enough for me.

VET NOW !!!!!!

VET……to check for accuracy, verify      dictionary.com    

     President Obama is taking heat for not vetting his appointments well. We need to vet everyone ! Especially whoever you are thinking about having a serious relationship with. Vet them ! Ask the tough questions. Just how many boy/girl friends did they really have ? How far did they go with them ? Who broke up with who and why ? Do they know CPR ? Are they allergic to anything ? Is it contagious ? How’s their breath ? Have they ever subscribed to Rolling Stone ? Do they have a drug or alcohol problem ? Would they like one ? Do they speak a foreign language ? Why ? Do they take steroids ? Should they ? Can they drive a stick shift ? Thick or thin slice pizza ?

     Ask for tax returns, proof of employment, their last performance review from work, three references, tax returns going back to when they turned 21, academic records from pre-k forward, bank statements, the results of a medical exam within the past 24 hours ( very important ! ),  a reference from their house of worship, valid drivers license and passport.

     If they answer all these questions to your satisfaction drop them. It will never work out.

Olympic Swimmer Blows Off Corn Flakes

      Olympic gold medal winner Michael Phelps has lost about 100 million dollars in endorsements because he got caught smoking pot. That’s one heck of a bong hit. I know he is supposed to be a role model for young kids. Aren’t we all ? I am not apologizing for Mr. Phelps. He is getting what he deserves. America is in a vindictive mood. We are all in the poor house because of rampant excess and the bills just came due. Those kids Phelps is supposed to be a role model for are going to be digging themselves out of this hole we put them in for a long time. When it comes to fallen role models there are a lot to go around. Phelps should have kept his mouth shut, pun intended here, and he would be doing just fine. If we had spent and saved more wisely so would we. We now pay for a box of corn flakes that is smaller and we get less of them. Maybe they should keep Phelps face on the box and not pay him. Maybe our kids would learn something when they eat their breakfast.

A Stimulus Package !

Let’s give Americans what they really want, and deserve….

Naked pictures of Sarah Palin for Russ Limbaugh.

A bong for Michael Phelps.

An appointment calendar for Caroline Kennedy.

A sub prime mortgage for every member of congress.

A corporate jet for Captain Sullenberger who landed the plane on the Hudson River.

Medicare when you turn 21.

Bonus checks instead of unemployment insurance for the jobless.

Bernard Maddoff as Treasury Secretary.

Rogaine for Rod Blagojevich.

A chastity belt for the California woman who had octuplets.

Adds on PBS and NPR.

A swastika armband for Pope Benedict.

Off shore drilling in Omaha, Nebraska.

Relocate FEMA headquarters to New Orleans.

Move the United Nations to Gaza.

Put Bill Clinton in charge of the Playboy empire.

Chicago style politics in Afghanistan.

Corporate funding forGreen Peace from Exxon/Mobil.

A Ku Klux Klan branch of the NAACP.

Habitat for the Homeless takes over HUD.

Late fees for airlines.

AND A HAPPY STIMULUS PACKAGE FOR ALL !!!

Babyboomer Retirement Package !!!

Live your golden years to the fullest with this all inclusive retirement package !

Condos in Miami ! Scenic views ! No walls ! No utilities ! No maintenance fees ! No maintenance ! Exciting lectures ! Making the most out of your financial retirement with Lehman Brothers ! How to still make charitable donations for fun and profit with Bernard Maddoff ! Getting the most out of your prescription drugs with Dr. Timothy Leary ! Living an active life with hip replacements ! How to recognize your grand kids ! Community activism in our later years with Caroline Kennedy ! Fun filled activities ! Nude swimming in the wading pool ! 401-k bingo ! Exciting entertainment ! The Beach Boys with special guest Barry Manilow ! Wheelchair accessible ! Nutritious and delicious meals ! Breakfast…all you can eat oatmeal ! Lunch…oatmeal with prunes ! Dinner…chipped beef on toast ! Complete on site medical care featuring yoga and meditation !  Exercises you can do without getting up !

AARP approved ! All this for low payments of $19.99 a month ! Order now and get a free set of used Ginzu knives ! Call 1-800-why-don’t-you-just-shoot-me NOW ! 

 

The Steroids Stimulus Package

     Now that Yankee Alex Rodriguez has become the latest player to admit using steroids,and Washington has come up with another trillion dollar stimulus plan, we need a whole new approach to these problems. The solution came from a man we interviewed, really, in the Yankee Tavern just outside the stadium in the Bronx. A sports fan found in a bar on a February afternoon when the only thing on ESPN was another rerun of A-Rod admitting he used steroids. The sports fan said, ” Let them all use steroids. I have to pay 20 dollars for a hot dog and I want to be entertained ”.

     I think he has something here. Isn’t that the same attitude owners, the leagues and Washington have ? Juice up the players, and Wall Street, and let them run wild. It makes the game more exciting and some people are willing pay for it. It’s a business right ? Lets see bloated players run around the bases as they hit over a hundred home runs a season, bankers giving away bogus loans while paying themselves billions of dollars in bonuses. Isn’t it ironic that athletes and bankers both get bonuses ?

     It’s kind of like a bailout from Washington. Excuse me, stimulus package, THEY GOT THAT NAME RIGHT !

     Thankfully some of the kids know better. For the same story we talked to youngsters at a playground who were playing ball on the same February afternoon. They were unanimous in their condemnation of A-Rod and everybody else who uses steroids. They lost all respect for him. Our best hope to keep sports, and the country, honest and clean is to continue to educate our kids about the joke professional sports and politics has become. We teach them the difference between right and wrong and that should extend to professional sports and getting a bailout from congress.  Someday these kids will grow up and hopefully, with the sweat of their hard work, make the games, and the economy, what they once were. Something we can take our families to on a warm summer day and not have to pay 20 dollars for a hot dog, or a couple of trillion for a bailout.

     Play ball.

Why Can’t Washington Follow Us ?

     It seems our representatives, you know those people we elected to do our will, don’t get it. There’s a reason consumers aren’t buying, why restaurants are empty, free libraries are full and generic food is on the table. America is cutting back. Washington is spending. They haven’t spent half of the TARP money allocated when Bush was in the White House. Now the latest economic stimulus package is waiting for the President to sign and another, even bigger bailout for banks is on the table. How come we are eating spam and our representatives are still ordering steak ?

     Something changes these people who as candidates call for common sense and prudence, get elected, goto D.C. and start worrying about what table they will get at the chic watering holes they call bars in Georgetown while back home Pizza Hut is a big night out. We’re tightening our belts while their tightening their faces with botox.

     Colleges should make lobbying a major, or at least a required course. That’s where the money is. That’s where our representatives are spending all the taxes we pay. The only stimulus is when they order another round of drinks.

How Bankers Spend The Bailout

      Swiftpolitics met with a pillar of the financial world Bluto the Banker, and his legislative liason Suzy Silicone, to find out how banks are spending the bailout money. We met him for lunch at Washington’s chic and trendy Taxpayers Watering Hole where his kind are known to hang out.

Bluto…Champagne and caviar for our fine reporter !

sw…Thanks. Do they still make that stuff ?

Bluto…Sure ! I just loaned millions to a winery in France and a fish farm in Japan. Spurring the global economy you know ! Ha Ha !

Suzy…He needs a sippy cup he drinks so fast !

Bluto…Don’t want to spill it on this designer shirt that was made in the Philippines !

sp…Do you think there are enough votes in congress to pass the latest almost three trillion dollar bank bailout ?

Bluto…Yeah, it’s like printing money !

Suzy…What’s money ?

sp…What about people losing their homes to foreclosure ?

Bluto…We have a new sub-sub prime loan for them. Once you fall three payments behind on your current mortgage we loan you half the market price of your home at 50 percent interest that goes up 20 percent every month.

sp…But how can they ever own their own home ?

Bluto…They never owned them to begin with, we just let them borrow it. It’s like a hedge fund, nobody really owns them, we just lend them to you while banks make money off them. 

Suzy…I thought banks just printed their own money ?

Bluto…Same thing honey !

sp…What about small business loans ?

Buto…First they have to get all those family members off the payroll. This is a bailout, not a handout.

sp…People on food stamps are only getting an extra $79 from the bailout to feed their families for a whole month !

Bluto…They’re too fat anyway !

Suzy…They should join a spinning class !

sp…What exactly does Suzy Silicone do as your legislative liaison ?

Suzy…Taxpayers aren’t the only ones getting screwed by congress.

This Recession Sucks !!!

     Swiftpolitics asked some prominent people to share their thoughts on the economic crisis.

Michael Phelps…I finally try smoking pot and look what happens.

Wall Street Broker…No more million dollar bonuses, idiot son had to leave Harvard and can’t pass the G.E.D., mistress left me and joined an escort service.

Real Estate Agent…Can’t sell a teepee to an Indian, a condo with a view means it doesn’t have walls, a second home is the YMCA.

Maitre D’ of a five star restuarant…I wonder if MacDonalds is hiring, I’m considering a hot dog stand, maybe I could deliver pizzas, does the school cafeteria need help.

Professional athlete caught using steroids…maybe they need a towel boy, with a sex change I could be a cheerleader, do they still have pin boys in bowling, maybe I could learn to talk like Yogi Berra.

John McCain’s speech writer…I guess the economy isn’t basically sound, why didn’t he stay in his chair during those debates, it wasn’t my idea to fly to Washington and solve the economic crisis, why did I tell him we need a woman on the ticket.

Sarah Palin…Whatever happened to Tina Fey, how am I going to pay that Neiman-Marcus bill, Katie Couric isn’t returning my calls, where the heck are my birth control pills, didn’t these kids ever hear of abstinence.

Rod Blagojevich…Why can’t I keep my big mouth shut, what if they find out this is a wig, what would Nixon do if he were in my shoes.

Caroline Kennedy…What was I thinking, I’m never leaving this apartment again.

Octuplet Mom…I told that stupid doctor I wanted my tubes tied.

George W. Bush…I hope I don’t have to read anything in that presidential library, now I can put the training wheels back on my bike, how come Dick Cheney never calls anymore, Condoleeza Rice and Colin Powell are African Americans ?

Performance Enhancing Drugs Need A Bailout !!!

     Two players on the Pittsburgh Steelers had their own blood injected into them so they could play with injuries. Then they went out and won the Super Bowl. If we put athletes in charge of stem cell research there would be a cure for Parkinson’s Disease next week. These guys are on the cutting edge of health care. Doctors say shooting blood into your body fixes ligaments and tendons, you don’t need surgery and it shortens rehab. Keith Richards has been doing it for years.

     What are we waiting for ? Professional trainers could probably cure cancer if it meant hitting a hundred home runs in one season. Get that guy from the Bay Area Laboratory Co-op ( BALCO, Barry Bonds juicer ) out of jail and give him a research grant.

     No more bank bailouts ! We’ll never see that money again ! Tell congress ” We The People ” would like to get something out of all this stimulus money. Relief from the aches and pains which is all that Washington is giving us now.

Tomorrow…why Donald Trump should get a bailout.

Trump Needs A Bailout Too !!!

     The Donald resigned from the board of Trump Entertainment Resorts last Friday night. Reports say he was growing frustrated with bondholders. The fact that the company is filing for bankruptcy for the third time probably gave him a hissy fit too. Those silly bondholders. The debt is 1.74 billion and assets are 2.06 billion. If my math is correct, check me, they are about a quarter billion to the good. Bankruptcy ? With that kind of dough I’d be spending money like a drunk senator working on a stimulus package.

     Here’s what the Donald should do. First, stop going to the same hairdresser as Rod Blagojevich. Second, hop in his corporate jet and fly down to Washington, appear before a subcommittee, anyone will do, and cry about all the gamblers who won’t be able to place bets. The United Auto Workers wishes they had as many members as that group does. What about the croupiers ? That’s the fancy name for card dealers. And the waitresses, bartenders, bell hops, hotel staff, casino buses and all the rest who have a job in the gambling industry ? This is a large part of the workforce !

     We need to bailout the gambling industry too ! At least we’ll have a chance to get some of our money back.

Cartoon Controversy

      The New York Post was right to apologize for the cartoon they ran. They were also right to run it. The controversial cartoon showed two cops shooting a chimpanzee with one of them saying ” They’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill ”. It’s in poor taste and even worse not very funny. Old sportscaster Howard Cosell had to apologize when he said ” Look at the little monkey go ! ” on Monday Night Football back in the 80′s because it sounded racist. Cosell wasn’t a racist. A review of tapes showed he said the same thing about white guys. 

     I said in a previous blog the Pope should be given a swastika armband for bringing back into the church bishops who deny the holocaust. Sorry Pope but it was a dumb thing to do, saying there wasn’t a holocaust. When rap music became popular Tipper Gore, wife of Al, campaigned for labels on CD covers saying the lyrics were offensive. Sorry Tipper, no cecensorship. This blog is named after the great satirist Jonathan Swift. He had to write about those silly little Lilliputians because what he was really saying would get him in a lot of trouble. But trouble goes with making fun of the high and mighty. More trouble comes with being silent.

     It’s the price we pay for freedom of speech.

60 MINUTES COLLEGE DRINKING

     I have a granddaughter in college. I don’t want something terrible to happen to her, or anyone else, because of alcohol. I also believe open discussion is necessary when dealing with any issue. On 60 Minutes tonight the proposal to lower the drinking age to 18 will be examined.  It would allow kids at college to drink. NEWS FLASH ! They do it anyway ! I would like them to participate in a discussion about the dangers of drinking. Their parents should participate too.

     Richard Berman, the President of Manhattanville College in New York is for this open discussion. I have known Berman for many years. He is a tough guy who really cares about his students. Berman is at the front of calling for this debate. He has a point. Sweeping things under the rug doesn’t get us anything but dust bunnies. Let’s talk and yes we have our different opinions.

     MADD is against lowering the drinking age. They are a wonderful organization and I am GLAD we have MADD. But I differ with them on this issue. It should be discussed. I want my granddaughter to hear it.

Rick Santelli’s Chicago Tea Party

     You have probably seen anchorman Rick Santelli’s tirade against bailouts on You Tube, CNBC.com, the Drudge Report and NBC Nightly News. An anchor at the Chicago Board of Trade, Rick let the federal government have it and was cheered by traders. He asked why we should pay people’s mortgages who have an extra bathroom and called for an internet referendum, are you listening President Obama, on promoting bad behavior. The video clip was played over and over on the internet including NBC who Santelli works for.     

     Most anchors, and I am one, are hard working journalists who read, research and sift through public opinion on the issues of the day. Do we cross the line when we become advocates for or against those issues ? Broadcast history is full of Rick Santellis. Edward R. Murrow went after the demagogue Senator Joe McCarthy in the 50′s. Walter Cronkite came back from Viet Nam in the 60′s and said we should get out. There are many more and sometimes they paid the price for what they did.

     On occasions where I thought it was warranted I have taken a side on an issue. Luckily it never caused a big to-do like Santelli’s. Probably because no one cared what I thought. Journalists spend more of their time wrestling with issues than 99% of the population. I just made that 99% up, but it’s close. Do we have the right to free speech like everyone else ? It depends on what we are talking about. We also have to be more careful because of the forum we have been given and how we use it.

     Weeks ago we made reservations at a hotel in Chicago in July. We go home every year in the summer and this time decided not to sponge off our friends, hence the hotel. Rick Santelli called for a Chicago Tea Party in July to protest federal bailouts. Will I go ?

     Hey, I’ll be on vacation. It’s none of your business.

NATIONALIZATION, WHY BANKS HAVE TO PAY

     Some of the people responsible for the economic mess we’re in have to start paying for it. Bank stockholders. The people who own the banks that gladly gave away the sub prime mortgages. The first one is Citigroup. Why ?

Follow the money trail starting at the top.

1) Bank CEO’s gambled on risky mortgages.

2) The Board of Directors encouraged the CEO’s to do it because the banks made a lot of easy money.

3) The boards were cheered on by stockholders, who ultimately control the company, as stocks went up and they made lots of money.

     Now stockbrokers are worried because the federal government might take over the banks and wipe them out. No more funny business. The rats are jumping ship, selling stocks and sending the financial markets down. The price of a Citigroup share has fallen almost in half.

     Stockholders, welcome to the recession. But first do us a favor. Fire the CEOs and the Board of Directors who were just doing what you wanted. Maybe you can all rent rooms in people’s homes that are being foreclosed. Just sleep with one eye open.

Tom Durfey

How The Recession Is Affecting Me

     Swiftpolitics is asking ordinary working people how the economic crisis is hitting home for them. Today we talk to an average professional criminal. Tony Baritone, a small time thief, shared some of his thoughts on how he is coping in his line of work.

I break into a home and all the good stuff is already gone.

I stole a car and the next day a guy came and repossessed it.

I tried to steal a woman’s purse and she mugged me.

I can’t sell anything I steal. My fence’s inventory is backed up.

I tried to get on a bus without paying and someone yelled wait your turn.

There’s no demand for a guy like me with all my experience, ya know ?

I told the prison psychiatrist I was suicidal and he handed me a gun.

At my parole hearing they said they were sorry but they had to let me go.

I went to get job training and they told me they were full.

I applied to be a pimp and the woman turned me down.

I tried to rob a bank and they told me to come back another day.

I stepped off the curb on Wall Street and they arrested me for leaving the scene of a crime.

     This is how the recession is affecting me. Thank you.

Tony Baritone

How To Impress People In The Recession

     To impress your friends, and the people you don’t like, try dropping these phrases into the conversation…….

I’m worried that Swiss banks are releasing their depositors names to the IRS.

Like this diamond watch ? It’s a Christmas present from Bernard Maddoff.

I’ve decided to sell my corporate jet.

I might be put under house arrest and it’s off season in the Hampton’s.

Now that things are winding down in Iraq I might lose that rebuilding contract.

Would you like to see my new Humvee ?

My 401-k is doing pretty well. My account is in the Cayman Islands.

I’m saving a bundle by paying our illegal nanny in cash.

I’m making a donation to the United Auto Workers Union.

It’s great congress passed another stimulus bill isn’t it ?

I feel bad about accepting that cabinet position from President Obama and then having to turn him down.

Arm In Arm On The Mean Streets Of New York City

      ” So I killed someone, that makes me a bad guy ? ”. That’s what 28 year old Keith Phoenix said to detectives in the bathroom of the apartment where they found him at 2:30 Friday morning. Back in December Phoenix and 25 year old Hakim Scott saw two Hispanic men walking arm in arm on a cold Brooklyn street. Scott broke a beer bottle over the head of Jose Sucuzhanay, an Ecuadorean immigrant. Phoenix hit Sucuzhanay’s head with a baseball bat knocking him down on the street. They shouted anti gay and Hispanic slurs while they beat him. When Sucuzhanay moved Phoenix hit him again. As Sucuzhanay lay dieing Scott and Phoenix walked away and Sucuzhanay’s brother called 9-1-1. 

     Working on a license plate number that a taxi driver had written down detectives linked it to a car that led them to Phoenix. They began looking at video tapes from the toll booth at the Robert F. Kennedy bridge that links the Bronx, Manhattan and Queens, a possible escape route for the killers. The RFK bridge, referred to by most New Yorkers as the Triborough bridge, was built starting on Black Friday, the day the stock market collapsed in 1929. They came upon a tape of Phoenix paying the toll and laughing just 19 minutes after the beer bottle and bat sent Sucuzhanay to the ground.

     New York tv stations played the video over and over again this week. On Wednesday Scott turned himself into police and confessed saying his conscience had started to bother him. On Friday detectives found Phoenix in the bathroom.

     Jose and his brother Romel Sucuzhanay are not gay. They came to New York City from their native Ecuador following the American dream like countless others. They walked arm in arm one night down a cold Brooklyn street to keep warm.

Leave Your Job With Dignity !

     As more and more Americans face the prospect of losing their job swiftpolitics called together some experts and asked them about the best way to leave an employer. Our panel was made up of some of the best job experts in the country. They have all recently gotten the ax. They decided the best thing to do when you know you are going to get fired is to leave with your dignity. Here are their suggestions.

When you are in your boss’s office point to the picture of his family and say, you got a phone number for the youngest one ?

Send an e mail to the board of directors, did any of you guys find my stockings in your car ?

In front of your co-workers say to your supervisor, hey flush the toilet next time you use it !

When they order pizza grab the first slice and say, boy ! I just can’t get rid of this rash !

Tell human resources they have to distribute free condoms if you’re going to continue to work there.

Put a sign on your desk saying my job sucks.

At the next cocktail party ask the CEO why you haven’t seen him at A.A. meetings lately.

While sitting at your desk fill envelopes with white powder.

Get printed copies of company stock and use them for a doormat.

If someone says can I speak to you give them a breath mint.

Invite your boss to an expensive restaurant and don’t show up.

If someone calls in sick put a sticky note on their phone with an HIV hotline number.

Blagojevich Writes A Book

     Are you surprised ? What’s next ? Dancing with the stars ? Blago is getting a six figure deal, as in the hundreds of thousands. I knew he would make a buck off this somehow. He signed with Phoenix books, an independent publisher who has published great works by literary giants like Gene Simmons of Kiss. Blago’s publisher says it will describe the dark side of politics. I thought it would be a comedy.

     Blago’s agent, it didn’t take him long to hire one, says the ex governor did not want ” constraints or conditions ” on what he could say. This from a guy who can’t shut up even when he’s being wire taped. Blago will reveal things that ” will be embarrassing to himself as well as others ”. That shouldn’t be hard. He’s already embarrassed the entire state of Illinois. The agent adds that there are some people in high places that don’t want the governor to write the book. There are people in low places who wish he would just shut up too.

     The book has a working title of ” The Governor ”. This guy has some imagination doesn’t he ? I wonder if the rest of the book will be so exciting. Will we hear what his hair dresser really thinks ?  What is Senator Roland Burris really like ? What happened to his pledge to clean up Illinois politics ?  Is he still a Cubs fan ?

     I don’t think this is going to make Oprah’s book club.

Bernard Maddoff Flips The Bird

     You have to give it to Bernie. He steals 50 billion dollars from charities and people’s life savings and tells everyone to go screw themselves. He claims in court that his 7 million dollar Manhattan apartment and another 62 million is his and he wants to keep it. It’s this kind of arrogance that has people railing against any more bailouts to big corporations that continue to flaunt the public they have already stripped bare.

     AIG gets 170 billion and still can’t get their act together. GM, Ford and Chrysler continue to hemorrhage money and lap up to the public trough to fill their corpulent bellies on tax payer money. I have invested on a modest scale in the stock market most of my life. I consider myself savvy on financial affairs. I also saw my 401-k get wiped out. So much for savvy. Nothing is going to stop the stock market from sliding until it finds the bottom. Why do we have to reward the people whose fault it is ?

Help For Homeowners

     Finally ! Now that the corporate fat cats who are to blame for all this have gorged themselves on billions of dollars of bailouts there is help for people who are losing their homes. Correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t this whole thing start with risky mortgages ? Under President Obama’s plan people facing foreclosure can refinance and lower their mortgage payments so they can keep their homes.

     It takes effect right now. If you are one of the millions in this category stop reading my blog and get to work. Maybe some who have been sitting on the fence will purchase their first home. Others will start spending. Maybe some jobs will be created to make and sell the things people want to buy.

     Let’s be careful this time. No more electronic gizmos that are out of date in six months. I never bought a wide screen tv. I mostly watch news programs and I don’t need to see Bob Schieffer’s head bigger than it already is. I go to the gym but it’s the YMCA. I am not going to invest in real estate just to make money. I like the store brands that are cheaper and just as good. I take my lunch to work. Saturday night my wife and I go to a movie and eat in a cheap local restaurant. The beer tastes fine.

     Where is Norman Rockwell when we need him.

The Trash Man Doesn’t Stop Here Anymore

     Two years ago we stopped having someone pick up the garbage. This was my wife’s idea. She had recently moved here from Chicago. She didn’t want to but she had just married me. More on that another time. In Chicago the city picks up the trash with no charge to you. That’s one of the great things about Chicago graft and corruption, they spread it around for everybody.

     A corner of our kitchen is the recycling center. It has bags where newspapers, other paper, and card board are filed. There is a garbage can for plastic and another one for bottles. Bottles are taken back for the deposit. I contribute the empty beer ones. Plastic bags with the zip locks are washed and reused and recycled. Everything goes to the town recycling center which used to be the town dump. My wife flirts with the guys there. The only green thing about that is I get jealous.

     We save about fifty dollars a month just on not having the noisy garbage truck make a stop at our house twice a week. I got a few threatening phone calls from the mob when we canceled the trash pick up but they have subsided. When no one is looking at work I put the plastic bags that contained my lunch back in my bag to take home. There is some embarrassment involved in this process.

     Now if I can only get my wife to stop flirting with the guys at the dump. Excuse me, the recycling center.

The Ship Is Sailing

     One of my favorite political cartoons appeared shortly after Bill Clinton became president. It showed George Bush the First all dressed up in a captain’s uniform on a boat that looked beautiful but it wasn’t going anywhere. Clinton looked like a pirate on an over crowded ship but it was sailing. At least Bill was doing something. President Obama is doing something. I may not agree with all he is doing but I am glad he is doing something. I’ll take anything.

     We teach our kids to always try their best. It’s the best way to learn. There are plenty of failures waiting down the road and we will meet them soon enough. Heck, right now we’re up to our eyeballs in them. I don’t like to sit back and wish for something to happen. It’s better to try. Maybe that’s why the President continues to have strong poll numbers. The guy is at the plate and he’s swinging his bat. Americans like that. This game will go into extra innings so we might as well step up to the plate.

     Is the plate too full ? Can we take care of the recession, health care, education and everything else all at once ? Maybe not, but what have we got to lose ? Losing is for people who don’t try.

     Full steam ahead !

Obama Signs Stem Cell Order

     Along with the economy our new President has to clean up some other messes made by our last President. On Monday Obama did the right thing and gave the ok to use federal tax payer money to fund stem cell research. Some of that tax payer money comes from people who have Parkinson’s Disease, cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, spinal chord injuries and a lot more. George W. Bush decided it would be morally wrong to spend ” their ” money on something that could help ” them ”.

     It’s going to take a long time to dig ourselves out of the hole W. put us in. To the people who say President Obama is moving too fast on too many fronts, it’s because he has to. The past eight years weren’t just wasted, we were moving backwards. Maybe we could have had a cure for some of those illnesses now. At least we could have given their victims hope. Maybe the economy wouldn’t have crashed if someone was watching Wall Street and saying no instead of encouraging them to make as much money as they wanted.

     If President Obama looks like he’s doing too much it’s because much needs to be done. The results won’t come right away. If I had to go back and correct everything I did wrong in the last eight years it would take a while. To correct what Bush did is a monumental task. We have to rebuild a nation to what it could and should have been.

     Change is coming. There’s just a lot to do.

How Bad Is The Economy ?

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD ! ……

Octomom is taking birth control pills.

Donald Trump was seen at the nickel slot machines.

Dr. Phil is getting counseling.

John McCain is going to re-enlist.

Rod Blagojevich is taking bids for his blow dryer.

Joe the plumber is selling port a sans.

Barbara Streisand is starting a come back tour.

Cher is the opening act.

Rihanna is beating up Chris Brown.

Arnold Schwarznegger is taking steroids.

Roger Clemens is his supplier.

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geitner bought a Prius.

Caroline Kennedy is going on tour to meet her fans.

Bank bailouts are so retro.

Why Buy A Newspaper ?

     Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this on a blog. The Internet is the villain in the demise of newspapers.  These solid institutions we take for granted are falling every day. They will survive in some form but I will leave that to others to speculate on.

     I like hearing the sound when the delivery man tosses the paper out his window and onto my driveway. Sometimes he misses and it winds up in a puddle but it is always wrapped well in plastic.  I have already checked the web and the morning news shows are on tv when the paper arrives. But turning on the tube and the net is not as fulfilling as heaing the thunk of that paper on the ground in front of my house. I run out in my robe and slippers to retrieve it no matter what the weather. I am an early riser so my appearance only freaks out the dog walkers but we are used to each other and nod hello.

     I like to scan the headlines of course. Then I go to the table of contents, is that the right phrase ? I don’t know but it gives me a quick summary of all the bad stuff going on in the world. Then I check the op-ed pages to see who is worthy of sharing the same opinions I have. I scan the business section to find out if my company is planning layoffs. It seems the newspapers know before the rest of us. I guess it’s because their companies are getting hit hard.  The sports pages depend on what season it is. I save the arts and leisure for last. I check to see what I couldn’t get in yesterday’s crossword puzzle. Today’s challenge will be tackled at my desk when I eat lunch. Sometimes I will leave a section home and circle an article for my wife to read. The old newspapers collect in the corner of the kitchen with the other stuff waiting to be taken to the recycling center. 

     Recently our local paper was sold and the printing presses were shut down in favor of a larger corporate factory that handles the job now. Those printer people have ink in their blood. One of the guys who lost his job had followed his father and grandfather into the same profession at the same printing plant. These people are as much a journalist as anyone who covers a beat and files their copy. Maybe more.

     Now that this blog is almost finished I will push the mouse to the publish button and click. It doesn’t sound the same as the paper when it lands in front of my house.

The Recession Is Over If You Want It

     Encouraging signs this week may, or may not mean something. The stock market is rebounding. Consumers are still spending less but not as less as they were. Some small banks are saying no thank you to stimulus money. They think they they can get out of their problems without the government handout and regulation.

     Don’t go out and buy a lot of things you don’t need. Remember that’s what got us into the worst economic crisis since the great depression. I’m working the night shift tonight and I’m not complaining. I have a job to go to and I don’t care what hours I have to work because I’m working. There are many people who would love to have to work from 2 to 11 pm tonight.

     When Americans finally realize there is a problem to attack we are pretty good at doing it. The stats I mentioned are just a barometer of what we are doing. Maybe the sleeping giant is awake and angry. Maybe we have realized that it is up to us. Some of the people in Washington, especially the President, are doing whatever they can. I think the frontier spirit is alive. Time to leave the farm and go out and fight the bad guys ourselves now.

     As they said at Bunker Hill, ” Lock and Load ”. Good hunting.

Times Are Tough In TV News

    They’re so tough……

We had to downsize our 7 day forecast to 2.

We sent a reporter to do a story on a soup kitchen and she ate lunch.

For sports highlights we’re only showing one team.

We can’t tease a story before a break because we don’t know if we’ll be coming back.

Our health reporter got sick and our insurance doesn’t cover it.

The investigative reporter can’t find a job.

We’re in trouble with a judge. He ordered us to reveal our sources and we don’t have any.

Our nutrition expert is on food stamps.

The real estate reporter is homeless.

We showed a picture of somebody robbing a bank and it was our accountant.

Our traffic reporter needs a ride to work every day.

A reporter was doing a live phoner and ran out of quarters.

Our entertainment reporter covered a bar mitzvah.

Our graphic artist ran out of crayons.

People call our hotline and the phone is disconnected.

If our news copter lands safely we call it the miracle on the runway.

Our movie critic is as a theater usher.

Our book reviewer has to wait for the paperback editions.

Our phone in show only gets collect calls. 

We’re lighting the set with candles.

Our website crashed and nobody noticed.

The teleprompter broke and we’re using cue cards.

Our ratings are so bad Nielsen dropped us.

Somebody applied for a job with a newspaper.

The News Director watches another station. 

                              I tell ya times are tough in tv news too !

Bonus Baby

     Swiftpolitics met one of the AIG executives who is getting part of the 165 billion in bonuses being handed out. AIG has received 170 billion in federal bail out money. I was standing outside the Economic Boom Boom Club where Wall Street financiers dine. A cab pulled up and Barney Wadoff fell out as it immediately pulled away and the cab driver shouted to Barney ” Burn in the lowest depths of hell you mother of all cheap skates ! ”. I asked Barney what was wrong. ” I don’t give tips ” he explained, ” people have to understand in this recession there’s no extra cash to be throwing around ”.

     He went to walk in but the doorman just stood there as Barney pulled the door open. Barney hit the floor when the door hit his ass. ” I wish I was slamming a jail cell door shut ! ” screamed the doorman. Barney hurried past the coat check girl who yelled ” I got a hanger that I’d like to give you a colon exam with ! ”. Barney rushed past the maitre d who stuck out a leg and sent Barney to the floor again. Barney stood at the bar waiting for a table and the bartender slapped him with a wet bar rag. ” I wouldn’t give you a cup of water if you were dieing in the desert ” he said.

     Barney sat down at a table where he was ignored by all the waiters. ” People should be glad they have a job and not be looking for free handouts ” he grumbled right before a tray of martinis was spilled on his head. No food was served to Barney but a busboy put the grossest dirty dishes I’ve ever seen on the table and walked away sneering ” Enjoy your meal ! ”. Barney picked at the left over food and when he was done asked a passing waiter for a doggie bag. ” Sure ” he replied before hollering ” Mister Wadoff needs a doggie bag ! ”. A pit bull burst out of the kitchen and charged straight at Barney who ran for the door.

     Outside Barney stood waiting for cabs that ignored him. A cop told him to move along or else. As he walked dwon the street I heard Barney mumble, ” Who do these people think they are ? Expecting tips for service like that when the country’s in a recession ? ”.

     I watched as a homeless man shouting curses chased Barney down the street. I hope he catches him.

Citigroup…Bonus Blood…Saddle Up

     Add Citigroup to the list of corporations that are squandering their bailout money. They are about to remodel their corporate offices at 399 Park Avenue, including the top executive’s and a couple of conference rooms.  Taxpayers have given Citigroup 351 billion dollars in stimulus money. They should have at least asked us what colors we want. These guys just don’t get it. Despite citigroup’s boss telling Congress they do.

     ”Let them eat cake” is what Marie Antoinette is supposed to have said to the starving peasants. ”Eat s—” is what citigroup and the rest of the Wall Street fat cats are saying to us. This is insulting. While people are losing jobs these robbers who started the economic crisis are still thumbing their noses at us and flipping taxpayers the bird.

     Some prosecutors, notably New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo who woke up the feds about AIG bonuses, are smelling the blood and attacking the corporations who are squandering our money. Americans believe in Old West justice. The sheriff and the posse are our style. It’s time to saddle up and go get the bad guys.

     YIPPE YI YO KI YEAH BABY !!!

Guess Who Saw This Coming ?

      In the early 2000′s he went after mortgage companies for lending money to people who weren’t qualified. He sued Countrywide and Bank of America. He went after AIG for deceptive practices and they paid 1.6 billion dollars to get him off their tail. He sued the former chairman of the New York Stock Exchange over his compensation package. He went after banks for inflating the price of their stock. He criticized President Bush for not allowing states to go after predatory lenders when Bush tried to stop him. He said the federal government should not bail out financial institutions.

     He also slept with prostitutes. Yeah, Eliot Spitzer, who became Governor of New York on January 1, 2007 then crashed and burned 14 months later. His tough guy image was real. He told the New York State Assembly Minority Leader, ” I’m a f—–g steamroller and I’ll roll over you and anybody elese ”. He also rolled over in the polls as New Yorkers started to dislike him. When the prostitution scandal broke he stonewalled for two days but didn’t have any support and resigned.

     He was known as the sheriff of Wall Street when most Americans couldn’t care less what stockbrokers and banks we’re doing. He saw the disaster coming and tried to sound the alarm.

” For all sad words of tongue and pen. the saddest are these, it might have been ”. John Greenleaf Whittier ( 1807-1892 ).

AIG Should Keep Their Bonuses

AIG executives should keep their bonuses because…

Everybody needs a little pocket money. Like a million bucks.

They’re big tippers.

Maintenance on private jets is expensive.

Colleges need their endowments otherwise they’ll throw their stupid kids out.

The stupid kids will come back home.

Their mistress needs a spring wardrobe.

The wife is going to Aspen with her tennis instructor.

The yacht sprung a leak.

Sky boxes at stadiums are getting more expensive.

The country club just raised dues.

The Mercedes has a scratch. Time to buy a new one.

Lawyer bills are piling up.

Have to get a new suit to testify before congress.

They need bail.

Times are tough all over !

AIG…Special Olympics…NCAA Basketball…Newspapers

      While our Connecticut Attorney General reveals AIG paid $ 218 million in bonuses, not $ 165 million, buses are rolling through the Nutmeg state giving tours of homes where those AIG executives live. It’s like Graceland for recessionistas.

     President Obama made a boo boo when he compared his bowling score to the Special Olympics on Leno. It’s nice to know the guy can make mistakes and apologize. I hope former President Bush was watching.

     Sienna College, 3,000 students, beat Ohio State, 52,000 students, in the NCAA Tournament. We like it when the little guys win.

     Add the Seattle Post Intelligencer to the growing list of newspapers that have published their last issue. Meet The Press moderator David Gregory showed us how delivery boys used to fold the paper before they tossed it on the lawn. I was a paper boy. You got the fold wrong David !

     Treasury Secretary Tim Geitner sure knows howto catch flak and divert it away from the President. He must be taking lessons from Vice President Joe Biden.

     A vegetable garden and green water in the fountain for St. Patrick’s Day at the White House. It’s nice to have the People’s House back in our hands.

     Tom Durfey

Obama…No Tax On AIG Bonuses

      In opposing the 90% tax Congress approved on those AIG bonuses President Obama is flying against the populist wind. Obama says he will not govern out of anger. The 90% tax is also unconstitutional. But the President continues to admonish Wall Street saying the old ways of doing business are gone.

     So is taxpayers’ patience. As the federal government pours billions into financial institutions that are the root of the economic collapse we have put a face on the villains, the faces belong to the people who got those bonuses. Tour buses are rolling through Connecticut to give people a look at the rich homes where the AIG bonus babies live.

     I come down on the side of the President. I don’t care if the public is not with me on this because the public doesn’t care what I think. That made my decision easier.

     Anger at Wall Street is justified. Bernie Madoof deserves more than life in jail but that’s the best we can do. Bailing out the greedy ones who put us here doesn’t taste very good. Neither does the medicine we take to cure our physical ills but it has to be swallowed.

     Bottoms up ! Gulp ! Phooey. It tastes like you know what and the bartender just bought another round.

     Tom Durfey

Good News In The Recession!

      People are always asking why we don’t report good news. Here it is ! All real stories that you may not have heard ! Check out the web sites !

     There will be a snuggies pub crawl in Chicago April 18th ! People wearing snuggies, you know the blankets with arm holes advertised on tv, will go bar to bar. Tickets are $18 and go to an orphanage. Go to www.snuggiepubcrawl.com.

     A hotel in New York City offers rooms for $100 a night ! They’re 7 feet by 8 feet. About the size of Bernie Madoff’s cell at the Manhattan Detention Center. At least you can leave if you want.

     Go to www.reteaparty.com  you can find a map of local cities where people will be protesting bailouts by taking CNBC reporter Rick Santelli’s advice and throwing tea into harbors, lakes or whatever they have !

     David Neeleman, the founder of Jet Blue Airlines who lost his job after an ice storm grounded 1,700 flights, has opened a new airline in Brazil ! At least he doesn’t have to worry about ice storms.

     A woman in North Carolina found pieces of money in her dog’s poop ! She figures he ate $400 she had saved. She is washing the money and taping it back together.

     The number of ad pages in Readers Digest is up over five percent !

     The three top rated shows on tv last week were American Idol (Tuesday) American Idol (Wednesday) and Dancing With The Stars !

     I’m going to ride out the recession by finding a hotel room in Chicago for $100, throwing tea in Lake Michigan, bringing a copy of Readers Digest, wrapping myself in a snuggie and watching tv ! As soon as I’m done washing the dog poop and figure out how to get a flight from Brazil.

Tom Durfey

Obama Press Conference…Highlights

Question.   Why did it take you so long to come out against the AIG bonuses ?

Answer.   I like to make sure I know what I’m talking about.

Q.   As the first black president how do you deal with race issues ?

A.   The color thing lasted a day, Inauguration day.

Q.   What will you do if Mexican drug wars spill over into the U.S. ?

A.   First we have to stop using drugs in this country and stop selling guns to Mexico.

Q.   The expected new Israeli Prime minister doesn’t believe in a two state solution.

A.   There must be an Israeli state and a Palestinian state.

Quotes…Every issue is hard when it gets to my desk otherwise somebody else would have solved it…It is impossible to balance the budget in the future without paying to start growth now…I believe in persistance. Even if we don’t have all the right answers we have to keep moving in the right direction.

Obama doesn’t pull his punches. He really said all that and a lot more. Maybe it’s not exactly what everybody wants to hear, but we’ve had enough of politicians who did that.

Change is here. Deal with it. Obama goes on the internet to answer YOUR questions on Thursday. I’ll have more tomorrow including the web site. Here’s a hint. http://WhiteHouse.gov/OpenForQuestions

Later, Tom Durfey

Obama Town Hall Meeting On Line

Submit your questions now. They must be on the economy. I’m sure there will be plenty and the President will answer the most popular ones. Here’s the site  http://WhiteHouse.gov/OpenForQuestions

We can create a new online dialog with the President. No more pesky reporters, and I am one, just Obama answering the questions most people want to know. Am I putting myself out of business ? No. There will always be a place and a need for professional Journalists who take their job seriously and want Americans to be informed so they can make the right decisions. This is just another step in the process. Use it. We all will benefit.

Tom Durfey

Obama’s Coming !!! Executives Are Running !!!

     Corporate executives and their companies that got bailouts are scrambling as the Obama administration tightens the screws on accountability. swiftpolitics planted a microphone in a CEO’s office as he and his aide cleaned it out because……OBAMA’S COMING !!! Here’s the transcript…

Hey boss, what about these duplicate files we keep ?

Shred them !

And the two sets of accounting books ?

Burn them !

The bonus checks ?

Cash them. Fast.

Boss, we don’t have any buyers for the corporate jet.

I’m working on a deal with an arms dealer in Libya.

What about your chauffeur ?

Give him a bus pass and fire him.

And the limo ?

Trade it in for a Prius.

What about the corporate logo ?

Get rid of it. It’s worse than a swastika right now.

We can’t sell the yacht either.

I’m having my mistress sail it to the Cayman Islands.

But boss, it’s hurricane season !

I know.

What about the country club ?

Send out a press release saying I resigned because they discriminate.

Anything else Boss ?

Send those gifts back to Bernie Madoff. I’m outta here !!!

     Tom Durfey

TV Ads Attack Obama !!!

     You have to give it to the right wing. Obama has been in office less than 70 days and already they are rolling out the attack ads. The never ending story continues. A group called the American Issues Project, AIP, pronounced ape, as in neanderthal, started running one on tv this week. With pictures of Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Sen. Dodd, Congressman Barney Frank, Sen. Harry Reid. The somber voice says they protected AIG ! They faked shock when the scandal broke! They are two faced ! They say the democrats are spending one billion dollars an hour ! Worst of all they show a picture of President Obama and he’s not smiling !

     Karl Rove would be proud. AIP has the usual right wingers behind it. A guy who financed the swift boat ( no relation to swiftpolitics ) attacks against John Kerry. Another guy from right to life and somebody who worked for Pope John Paul II. They claim their conservative values made God bless America. I guess that’s where JP II came in. He must be their guy on the inside.

     I went to their website where they have pictures of the democrats and print people’s comments about the tv ad. They have the usual responses like ” God loves us and hate democrats just like it says in the bible ”. Go to the site and submit your own comments. Things like……If they spend 1 billion dollars an hour how much is that in a day ?……He’s black ?……Which one is Nancy Pelosi ?……Speaking for the communist party we’re 100% behind you……What bailout ?……I’m selling my own stem cells.

     Have fun !

Tom Durfey

G-20 Summit…What’s On The Menu

London……April 1, 2009……Reception at Buckingham Palace with the Queen. Just some snacks. Kippers, whatever they are, pigs in blankets, for the bankers, falafel, representatives from the Middle East can fight over them, White Castle sliders for Americans.

After the reception world leaders go to Downing Street for dinner with the prime minister……More kippers, mutton chops, aren’t they long sideburns ? bread pudding, you thought things were tough in this country, jellied eels, stick with the kippers, boiled beef, who boils beef ?

April 2……Working breakfast, working ? So far it seems that coverage of this summit should be shown on The Food Network, bangers, I think that’s sausage or bacon, how come the sexually provocative name ? Eggs Benedict, named after an English hero of the American Revolution Benedict Arnold.

Noon……Working lunch……Have these guys actually done any work yet ? Kimchi provided by the Koreans, let’s hope they don’t fight over it, borscht, for the Russians, a lot of ingredients but nothing really goes together, tacos, the Mexicans are sneaking them in, the Americans will complain while they devour them.

The summit ends with a press conference by British Prime Minister Gordon Brown at 4 pm. This is the conclusion of the summit of world leaders to deal with the global recession. No wonder we all have heartburn.

Tom Durfey

Obama’s World Stage

     President Obama makes his world debut in London this week at the G-20 summit. There is a lot of good will and expectations for our guy. Other nations are hoping for a change from the disaster of Bush’s policies. This will be Obama’s first chance to say America is back. But what America ?

     European nations have another way of dealing with the global economic crisis. They are not that into bailouts. Their governments have other programs, that some Americans would label quasi-socialism, to deal with their money woes. They are going to make their own way through this mess without us.

     They also blame us for the problem. Who would have thought that those damn sub prime mortgages would be the end of the world as we know it ? Sorry about that, but their fiscal policies don’t shape things the way ours does. We are still the economic juggernaut on which the globe turns. Sorry if you don’t like McDonald’s and the internet. We were only spreading the wealth which everyone sucked up willingly.

     The best thing President Obama can do is be Obama. Hey we made mistakes. We are trying to fix them. That’s the carrot. Here’s the stick. Whether you are on board or not, we are taking the lead in this. What the United States does will still influence everyone. 

     We got the man and he’s got the plan. Change is here. Deal with it.

Tom Durfey

Obama Gets Tough With G.M. Chrysler

     Rick Wagoner, high flying head of General Motors…you’re fired. Chrysler, say hello to your new Italian partner…Fiat. You can still go bankrupt too and a judge will run things for you.

     Tough action. Bailouts now come with a price. If you are going to take tax payer dollars those tax payers are going to have a say in how you do business. A big say. Deal with it. It’s the only deal you are going to get. Enough with the hearings in congress. Stand in line and buy an airline ticket. Get a pay check, if you can, instead of a bonus.

     President Obama is not kidding around. He has the outrage of the American people on his side and he is taking action. Call it transparency, accountability or whatever you want. The bills are long over due and companies are going to have to pay. They ran this roller coaster ride of a wide open economy and a lot of us bought a ticket. A lot of us are paying for that ride and now so are the people who sold us the tickets.

     Rick Wagoner is on the unemployment line today. Welcome to Main Street Rick.

 

Things That Go Through My Head When Listening To The News

We’ve heard it all before. Sometimes my mind drifts when listening to the nightly news.

Residents without power……voters

Highway Jam…… a new flavor from Smuckers.

Sewer pipe breaks……they take them every 2 hours with coffee

Campaign trail……candidates leave footprints

Translation garbled……It’s in another language

Lindsay Lohan goes back to rehab……who let her out ?

Protesters demonstrate……demonstrate what ?

Closed captioned for the hearing impaired……How can they see them if they’re closed

Man falls to death……he should have seen it coming

Sex offender lives near school…..probably a teacher

Failed suicide attempt……he can’t do anything right

Bridge collapse……senior citizen tries to eat corn on the cob

Car jacking……step one to fix a flat

Congressional perks……Washington D.C. secretaries who don’t wear bras

Guantanamo detainees……people forced to live in bat caves

Liaison……a skin disease

Foreign power……you need an adapter

Police investigate robbery……whatever they’re looking for is probably gone

Senators lambast pork……it’s a new bar b q glaze

Congress goes on break……I didn’t know they worked

      Tom Durfey

Cubs and Yankees

      On Friday the Chicagoo Cubs and the New York Yankees will play the first baseball game in the new Yankee Stadium. I’ll be rooting for the Cubs. My station will have all day coverage and I have given the sports guys some money to buy a tee shirt for my wife. It has to say Cubs on it. It seems fitting that those lovable losers from good old Wrigley Field will strut onto the grass of the new stadium and do battle with the team everybody loves to hate, those Damn Yankees.

     The Yankees dominate sports in New York. The Mets are more lovable but they don’t have the history and the swagger of the guys in pinstripes. You read about the Steinbrenners in the sports pages. Sam Zell is in the business section under bankruptcy. But Zell has sold the North Siders to the Ricketts family of Chicago. Good.

     I hope the Cubbies win on Friday. All my Yankee friends accept that fact and forgive me. It’s very generous of them. Screw ‘em. I’ll be cheering every time the Cubs get a hit, every time we strike out a Yankee, and I’ll be cheering still when my Cubs walk off the field win or lose.

     It’s not how you play the game. It’s the Chicago Cubs.

The Global Recession Is Not Our Fault

     President Obama is getting a lot of flack at the G-20 summit because some foreign leaders are blaming the U.S. for being the serpent that got them kicked out of the Economic Garden of Eden. French President Nicolas Sarkozy is demanding a ” global regulator ” that would be able to regulate financial institutions, like ours, inside our own borders.

     Since World War II America has been the economic juggernaut that fuels the world’s economy. Nobody complained when the U.S. Marshall Plan spent 13 billion dollars ( back when a billion was a lot of money ) of our greenbacks to revive Europe’s economy after WW II. Not to mention our G.I.’s blood that freed them from Hitler. No one wanted to regulate our financial institutions then, they just held out their hands.

     Sure we made money when everyone in the world decided they liked our democratic way of doing things compared to the dictators and royal pains in the ass that governed them before and almost annihilated them. They started to dig our music and the way we dressed. Even behind the Iron Curtain they were rocking to America’s top 100 thanks to Voice of America radio. A little while later they decided they liked Mickey Mouse and laptops and darn those McDonald’s taste pretty good.

     Now when things go wrong they want to control the golden goose that lays the eggs they’ve been sucking on. President Sarko would probably have done the goose step like all the other frenchmen who decided Hitler wasn’t so bad after he took over France with tanks. Now that things have gone sour they want to tell us how to control our economy. Their strongest ally in all this is their old friend Germany.

     The United States is spending more money to get us out of this than anyone. Europe is falling back on those good old socialist programs they have until the storm passes.

     I guess we’re going to have call them ” freedom fries ” again. Supersize that Sarko.

Bailout ? No Thanks !

     Now that the Obama administration is getting tough with regulations banks and investment companies eligible for stimulus money are taking less of it. The Federal Reserve reports as of Wednesday banks took 59.7 billion dollars in a week. Down from 62.8 billion the previous week. Investment firms took 19.5 billion. Down from 20.1 billion the week before.

     You don’t have to be an economist, or even Treasury Secretary Timothy Geitner, to figure this out. The more they have to account for the less they take ! If more regulations means companies take less money, regulate the hell out of them !

     They have been getting away with their shenanigans for so long they are getting mad that someone wants to know what they are doing with all ” their ” money. But the stimulus bill is ” our ” money. It’s not a blank check.

     If this trend continues they’ll get really scared and won’t take any bailout bucks. It’s like my dad always said, punch a bully and they cry.

Tom Durfey

663,000 Jobs Lost

     That’s just last month. Two million since the first of the year. Unemployment is at a 25 year high. With all the trillions and billions we have heard about in the past few months those numbers are still schocking. There are faces on those numbers. We can analyze the stock market, fume over the national debt, criticize other countries around the globe but it all comes down to this. 663,000 Americans went home last month after losing their jobs.

     Short of a catastrophic illness nothing hits you like losing your job. So many things to worry about. Shelter, food, family, loss of self esteem. Your family looks at you with a mix of sorrow, pity and the hint of despair. The ones you love are hurt and that’s what hurts you most. The gates of hell have opened and you are in.

     I am striving to put a silver lining on this cloud and coming up with nothing. Hang in there ? You’re not alone ? Do something ? Pray ? You now start on the most important and hardest job of your life, putting it back together as best you can. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t be discouraged when it doesn’t come right away. There are many of us on this road and the numbers will get bigger before it is all over. Remember that you are not alone and many more will join you. It’s going to be tough for awhile and nobody knows when it will be over. Work is what has always made this country strong.

     We may not have job, but we have a lot of work to do. Might as well get started.

Tom Durfey

A Night In TV News

Opening day for the new Yankee stadium. Exhibition game against the Chicago Cubs. We’ve got two sports guys covering live.

Man charged with strangling 14 year old pregnant daughter because he found her text messaging a boy.  He allegedly stripped her and shoved her body in a furnace. DNA tests prove he is the father of her unborn child. Pleads not guilty. Mother tells us they seemed to have a normal relationship.

Reports of shooting in upstate Binghamtom at citizen class. Unconfirmed number of dead.

Obama Fried Chicken owner decides to change name of take out restaurant after community outrage calling it a racist stereotype. New name…Popular Fried Chicken.

Been raining hard all day. Weatherman predicts showers will end by 7 pm. First pitch at Yankee stadium 7:05.

Two million people file for unemployment since beginning of year.

Two immigrants shot execution style in home of former Jets player. He is not involved.

Six indicted for running cocaine ring out of pizza shop. Drugs delivered with pizzas. Customers say the guys operating the shop were always upbeat and friendly.

Go live for Yankee game at 7. Rain has stopped.

Police storm citizen class in Binghamton. 14 dead including gunman. 40 survivors.

Traffic cop who killed unarmed drunk driver who was dragging the cop down the street as cop held onto door firing five shots. Judge finds cop guilty of second degree manslaughter. 25 years in prison.

Sports guys bring me back Cubs tee shirt for my wife. Final score Yankees 7 Cubs 4.

Tom Durfey

Chris Matthews…Tell Me Something I Don’t Know

     Network news is keeping alive a tradition of newspapers as they die. Politically branding themselves as liberal or conservative.  We always knew what major newspapers’ political leanings were by their editorials and reporting. If you didn’t like their particular slant you bought another newspaper that agreed with yours. Nothing wrong with that.

     NBC is liberal. Sunday morning’s The Chris Matthews Show is too. This morning one of their panelists was Dan Rather, showing his age. Dan made sure he got in one of his Ratherisms describing the difference between GM workers and the suits on Wall Street, ” GM guys take a shower when they come home. Wall Street workers take a shower in the morning ”. He delivered it well and then lost his train of thought. Thanks for showing up Dan. How’s the lawsuit against CBS going ?

     While Dan was showing his age MSNBC’s Chief Washington Correspondent was showing some thigh.Those sexy right wingers Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin have shown the liberals a girl gets a lot more coverage with less of her own. Nora O’Donnell was practically singing ” Isn’t She Wonderful  ” when the topic turned to Michelle Obama.

     Panelist John Heilemann of New York Magazine, as liberal as it sounds, dared to say he agreed with some conservatives that President Obama is trying to nationalize private companies. Thanks for throwing our right wing audience a bone John, if we have any right wing audience.

     The Matthews Meter, 12 journalists not on the show voting on questions, were as divided as congress voting along party lines. Thanks for e mailing us your vote.

     Just like buying another paper we can switch to a different channel if we don’t like their political views. But we are losing something in this dialog. Namely dialog. The airing of disagreements so we can analyze both sides. For that, keep your remote handy.

Tom Durfey

North Korea Missile Bombs

      The North Korean missile program sleeps with the fishes. It’s a few fathoms beneath the Pacific Ocean. It was supposed to launch a satellite into orbit. I’m no scientist but I don’t think the reception is too good down there. Now some octopus is wondering if it’s lunch.  Faced with international pressure prior to the launch, or belly flop, North Korea threatened to use it’s nuclear capabilities to make bombs if sanctions were leveled against it. They’ll probably blow themselves up.

   North Korean leader Kim Il Sung usually has the adjective ” mad man ” after his name. His people are starving, malnourished and very poor. Kim is threatening the world with rockets that fly as high as a good size firecracker. North Korea is now claiming their missile launch was a great success. These guys don’t set the bar too high.

     China, Japan and other neighbors are worried that someday North Korea might get it right. So might Pakistan and Iran. They present no immediate danger to the US. We’ve got NORAD and Sarah Palin is up in Alaska keeping an eye on Russia. But if these other countries get the capability to fire nukes a few thousand miles we got problems. Once they start flying you don’t know what will happen next. America has more pressing problems right now, like the recession. But we have to keep an eye on the mad men just in case.

Tom Durfey

Is The Recession Over ?

     No. But we are feeling better. The most recent NYTimes/CBS poll finds two thirds of Americans support President Obama’s efforts. The number of people who think the economy is getting better has gone from 7 percent in January to 20 percent today. There is still great concern about the economy, make no mistake about that. But at least people think we are moving in the right direction.

     We have been reminded many times of Franklin Roosevelt’s saying, ” We have nothing to fear but fear itself ”. Maybe the fear is lessening. It’s like we’ve been in a car wreck and are starting to come around. The patient is awake and starting to respond. Kind of like the Connecticut woman who was savagely attacked by that ape and is starting to talk. Still a very long way to go but the signs are good.

     I’m not about to break out the champagne. As that great philosopher and economist Yogi Berra said, ” It ain’t over till it’s over ”. And this recession ain’t over folks. But at least hope seems to be coming back.

Tom Durfey

Internet…No More Free News

     The AP wants money for news. It was bound to happen. The Associated Press says it will do something about web sites where AP news reports are used without the cite paying for them. swiftpolitics is not one of them. There are many sources for news. I check newspapers, radio, magazines, the internet, cable and broadcast tv and most important of all, keep my eyes and ears open and ask questions. That’s what I do for a living and I get paid for it.

     That’s also what AP does. The Associated Press is made up of AP reporters and newspapers that pool their stories from all over the world. Media outlets pay for AP service. All of that costs a lot of money. Does anybody own the news ? No. But they do own the way it is distributed.

     Newspapers are going out of business every day. What would happen if they are all gone ? A lot less news for everyone. We can’t afford that. Neither can the Associated Press.

” Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one ”  A.J. Liebling, American reporter, 1904 – 1963

     Tom Durfey

Sunday Morning Talk Shows and Iron Chef

Good Morning ! I’m your host Rachael Ray ! Welcome to Pundit Cooking ! Our chefs this morning are Newt Gingrich and James CarvIlle. Our judges are Chris Matthews, John McLaughlin and Charlie Osgood ! Newt what are you cookin’ up ?

A real middle America breakfast of fried eggs, bacon, grits, toast and coffee.

What about you James ?

Cream cheese omelet. I learned how to break eggs working with Bill Clinton.

Newt…And you made a big mess.

James…But look at the huge surplus we left !

Rach…Okay John McLaughlin how does the omelet taste ?

Issue One ! Cream cheese is for baby’s with no teeth. Just more of the same pandering mixed in with scrambling a bunch of egg head ideas like universal health care !

Rach…Chris Matthews do you think the public will like it ?

Chris…Tell me something I don’t know ! It’s the perfect mix of something for everyone.

Rach…Charles Osgood ?

Charlie…You don’t have to beg, for a simple egg. Cheese from a cow ? They’ll like it and wow !

Rach…Okay ! How about Newt’s middle America breakfast John McLaughlin ?

Issue 2 ! A symphonic mix of what made the U.S. great. Cheap, easy to digest and it supports the farm industry.

Newt…I call it a contract with America.

James Carvelle…But where’s the huevos rancheros ? A cultural mix celebrating our diversity !

Newt…It’s so good we should build a fence around it.

Chris…It’s the same old mix designed to appeal to bigotry on the low end and those making over $200,000 a year on the high end.

Charlie…I once did an interview with a farmer. He was milking a cow and trying not to harm her. He pulled on her tit, it didn’t hurt a bit, and they both went away much calmer !

John…Cow dung is the waste of bovine consisting of undigested residue of herbivorous matter. Bye Bye !

Rach…Thanks guys ! Next week Hillary Clinton eats crow and what’s new in the garden with Michelle Obama !

Fighting Somali Pirates

     My family is from Marcus Hook, Pennsylvania. At one time it was one of the world’s busiest sea ports sitting a stone’s throw from Philadelphia. It once had the most bars of any town in the world. My Uncle’s, Clank’s Bar is one of the few left. They are a hearty breed. My relatives, including my brother, have used it as a stepping off point to the world as seamen. These guys are tough and have been in more than fight or two.

     With the safe return of Capt. Richard Phillips, thanks to some well aimed shots to the heads of three Somali pirates, the saga of the Maersk Alabama has a happy ending. The crew fought the pirates beginning when they made the mistake of boarding an American ship.

     More has to be done to protect our ships’ crews. Hire mercenaries. Just like we paid Blackwater and other private companies to provide security in Iraq. It’s not pretty, but neither is a well armed pirate coming on board. If a sharpshooter can pick off a pirate a hundred yards away they can sink a few little speed boats before they get that close.

     I know a few guys in Clank’s bar who could do that.

Tom Durfey

Be My Baby…Marilyn Chambers and Phil Spector

      Two icons of the past are dead. Marilyn Chambers of what is believed to be natural causes and Phil Spector who will spend what is left of his life in prison. Both were stars who transformed the fields they worked in, pornography and rock and roll. I guess they kind of go together.

     Marilyn Chambers had the girl next door look and her picture graced boxes of Ivory soap. Phil Spector revolutionized rock and roll when it went through a revolution every time you turned on am radio.

     Marilyn brought film pornography out of the sleazy movie houses and made it ok for consenting adults to do things we consider tame now. Only she later claimed she wasn’t a consenting adult and campaigned for women’s issues saying she had been abused.

     Phil was the mad genius who created the ” Wall Of Sound ” for the Righteous Brothers, the Ronettes and went on to produce the Beatles. He remained mad the rest of his life. It’s pretty hard to freak out the Ramones who were freaking people out in the 70′s but he did.

     Marilyn changed her life and became a better person. Whatever she did when she was young she tried to atone for. Phil never grew up. Maybe he couldn’t but that’s no excuse to take a life. 

     Marilyn and Phil changed forever the genres they worked in. If what Marilyn did was a sin she paid for it. Phil never did but now he will. They were icons back when the word meant something.  

     Later baby…

Tom Durfey

Give Somali Pirates The Heave Ho ?

     These guys are annoying me. The successful conclusion to their aborted attempt to hijack an American ship has aroused them to attack more. I know their country is a mess but that doesn’t mean they can take it out on ships and their crews from other countries. How about attacking the guys in Somalia who are screwing up their lives ? That will give them something to do.

     The United States can’t be the world’s policeman. But if someone keeps picking fights it’s time to hit back. We have enough on our hands with Iraq and Afghanistan but that doesn’t mean we can’t do something about these pirates. I live in New England and we have a centuries old tradition of men going off to sea. It’s dangerous work. Old houses have cupolas on the roof that are called Widow Walks where wives would search the horizon for a sign of a ship coming home. A lot of times they didn’t.

     Americans are not bullies. But don’t pick a fight with us. These Somali pirate guys are doing just that. It’s time to hit back.

Tom Durfey

Mexican Drug Wars

1…The Mexican drug cartels kill lots of people.

2…They get their guns from the United States.

3…The United States buys their drugs.

It’s the old supply and demand. We want drugs so we buy them cheaply from a nearby source. They are fighting over all the money we give them. They need guns to fight each other. We sell them the guns.

It’s a textbook case of how economics work. Nothing wrong with that right ? Uh…but a lot of innocent people are getting killed. Oh Oh ! It’s starting to spill over the border ! What are we to do ?

1…Stop buying their drugs…Good luck on that.

2…Stop selling guns so easily in the U.S….No way.

3…Make the killing Mexico’s problem. Send them some money to help. The money we are willing to send them is a fraction of 1% of the money they make selling the drugs.

Economics sucks ! 

Tom Durfey

The First Tea Tax Party

     On December 16, 1773 American colonists boarded British ships and dumped their tea into Boston Harbor. A participant in this tax protest was Daniel Durfey, my ancestor who chronicled the event in a not so famous pamphlet called swiftpolitics. I recently found a copy in the attic. Here is the transcript. Tom Durfey.

     ” It was a cold night and the wind blew across Boston Harbor. It was John Adams mouth. He doth protest too much the old windbag. Earlier this day thousands gathered at the Old South Meeting House to protest the tea tax levied by England. It really didn’t bother anybody because we were all buying illegal smuggled Dutch Tea. It was just as potent and easier to roll. Into tea bags.

     Sam Adams had led the meeting. He had just come from testing the latest batch of ale he was brewing. He really didn’t give a fig about tea. Nonetheless the crowd was ripe for protest. Paul Revere arrived late as usual. Said traffic on Commonwealth Avenue was slower than molasses in January. The crowd was pickled and demanded action. A few patriots were dressed as Indians. They got the outfits from Betsy Ross’s costume shop.

     We climbed into boats and rowed out into the harbor and boarded the ships. The tea was in the hold. So was the ship’s grog. The grog was disposed of first. Not into the harbor. Then the tea was thrown overboard. Then the guys dressed as Indians did cannonballs off the mast and into the water. As we rowed back many patriots disgorged the combination of Sam Adams ale and grog over the side of the boats. The next morning the harbor was closed due to tea, grog and ale flotsam. You wouldn’t believe the odor. ”

     This is Tom Durfey talking again. My ancestor’s account of these actions got thousands of hits on you-pamphlets and twittle de de. It knocked Tom Paine’s pamphlet Common Sense off the top of the charts. Throughout the colonies everybody started dressing up as Indians, getting drunk, and throwing things into harbors. In June of 1775 the same Bostonians fought the Battle of Bunker Hill and started the American Revolution. Actually it was fought on Breed’s Hill. A combination of Sam Adams Ale and Paul Revere getting lost again led to the confusion.

Tom Durfey

The Audacity Of Patience

     Americans don’t like to wait. We want it now. That is what drove our ancestors in covered wagons through unbelievable hardships to own part of the land. It is bred into us. It’s also what got us into this recession. Grab the American dream and worry about the cost later. I’ll take a pc, blackberry, wide screen tv and a nice ranch house to put all this stuff in. Oh oh ! The bills are over due ! Get us out of this now !

     It ain’t gonna work that way folks. A lot of people are saying President Obama is trying to do too much too soon. Just get us back to the good times. Those good times are gone. Get over it. It’s better to shake Hugo Chavez’s hand and smile. Yeah the guy is a pain in the neck. It’s going to get easier to get money and families into Cuba. We’re not going to make it the 51st state though. We got a very polite no thank you when we asked our NATO allies for help in Afghanistan. That’s all we’re going to get. The economy is showing some signs of life but it ain’t ready to be taken off life support.

     We’re just going to have to settle for hope for awhile. So be patient.

Tom Durfey

Squirrels Ate The Internet

     I don’t know why they did. Were they hungry ? Why else would they chew through the phone cable that goes from my house to the other thick wires that run from telephone pole to telephone pole down the street and around my town ? Does it taste good ? I doubt it. But I have no knowledge of squirrels epicurean tastes. My research into this consisted of googling ” squirrels ” so I spelled it right. I like google for that. If you spell something wrong it gives you the correct spelling by saying ” Did you mean…? ”. Those free on line dictionaries have too many ads and aren’t as good as the old Websters. Google does a nice job of correcting spelling.

     We refer to our house as the wildlife sanctuary. The trees grow until their leafy branches touch the ground. The bushes remain untrimmed and point to the sky. My neighbors have neatly clipped lawns and bushes. I like the wild look. It attracts many birds. It’s like we are one of those small rest stops on the interstate with bathrooms and water but no restaurants. Just a place to do your necessary business and get back on the road, or in the sky, to go where birds go.

     The squirrels are not well liked by my neighbors. They refer to them as cute rats. Crows are not popular either. They are bullies. When my wife moved here from Chicago she wanted to buy a gun and selectively shoot the animals she didn’t like. I wouldn’t let her because she might shoot a neighbor. City people don’t take into consideration where the missed shots might go.

     The cable man came and fixed the cable. It’s happened before and will happen again. Our phone and Internet are working now. The world was deprived of swiftpolitics blog for a few days but it seems to have gotten along okay. People who do irrational things are called squirrels. It’s not a bad thing to be called, there are worse.

Tom Durfey

Obama And The Ghost Of Gerald Ford

     A despised and even hated President left office after running his administration like it was above the law. He trampled on the Constitution and showed no remorse. When a new President came in the American people embraced him. At least he was honest. His poll numbers were high. He said ” Our long national nightmare is over ”. We believed him.  But within weeks his popularity fell and he never recovered. He lost the nation and subsequently his presidency. His name was Gerald Ford. His sin was pardoning Richard Nixon. President Obama’s White House is full of ghosts of past presidents. Ford and Nixon are among them.  

     As the country demands retribution for the sins of George W. Bush and those who carried out his orders to torture ” enemy combatants ”, Obama is trying to solve other pressing problems. For every person who would be hauled before a congressional committee to account for their sins under Bush I would rather see someone unemployed get a job. For every life ruined in this retribution that some want to see, and some innocent lives could be, I would rather see someone working again and providing for their family. For every American soldier or CIA operative who would go to jail I would rather see a child with health care, a chance to really learn in school and go to college and get a job and put our country back together.

     Yes Bush and Cheney broke the law. I would have no problem seeing them account for what they did. They gave the orders. Others followed them. But I think we would be doing ourselves a favor by working on the more pressing problems our country faces.

     ” Vengeance is Mine ” says the Lord. Let’s leave it to him. I hear he does a pretty good job.

Tom Durfey

Still No One Is Listening But Here’s My Opinion Again

Banks are starting to make a profit again…Shouldn’t they be giving some of the bailout money back ?

Congress wants to investigate what the Bush administration did…Didn’t they vote to okay all that stuff ?

Water boarding…In Seattle they call that the three day forecast.

Polarization…Everybody who feels the same way is getting together…Loneliness is the new political chic.

World leaders like to give each other gifts…It’s nice to see them getting along while their countries are fighting.

Most people think the country is moving in the right direction…Here’s another thing to worry about.

Instead of having tax parties to throw tea in the water…Why don’t we 86 our credit cards ?

Forget banks…I think you should have to take a stress test before buying a gun.

A President’s term should be limited to 100 days…After that we lose interest.

Tom Durfey

Swine Flu And You

     Job must be smiling. God threw everything bad that could happen at the guy and he never lost faith. Job, you got company. When you head out to the ”job” fair, pun intended, have some of that anti bacterial stuff in your pocket. Swine flu is here in the U.S. 

     If you get it you will know within 48 hours. It’s like a bad cold, fever ( around 102 ) aches, sore throat and headache. Get to a doctor or an emergency room. Our flu vaccines don’t protect against it. Officials say President Obama and his staff are safe after their recent trip to Mexico, ground zero in this case.

     There is a theory among some radical tree huggers that the earth is a living organism and like one it protects itself from germs. In this thinking we are the germs. Hence the out break of AIDS, E Coli, more and stronger hurricanes and everything else nature is throwing at us. I don’t buy it. I just add it to the ever growing list of things I worry about.

     At least soap and water are plentiful. Pardon me for not shaking hands. And it’s a virus that doesn’t affect the Internet. Let’s look on the bright side.

Tom Durfey

A 9/11 Scare In New York City

     Those of us who were in New York City on September 11th will carry it with us forever. We remember. This morning a Boeing 747 and two military jets right next to it flew over the southern tip of Manhattan where the World Trade Center Towers once stood. Some people panicked. They ran out of buildings.

     An administration official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the mayor’s office and New York and New Jersey police were notified by the Federal Aviation Administration prior to Monday’s flights. The military says they were classified. Mayor Bloomberg says nobody told him. Nobody told us either.

     On clear days in New York City you can see the trails of smoke from F-15 and F-16 fighter jets. They have been up there since September 11th keeping watch over our city. We’re used to them. To this day whenever I see a passenger jet in the sky I remember 9/11. I am used to that now too. It just happens. It doesn’t bother me.

     We were told Monday’s flights were for a photo op. Maybe some people have forgotten.

Tom Durfey

What You Should Know About Swine Flu And The Media

     The media is not telling the true story about swine flu. We have hyped it into a fast spreading plague. For the sake of ratings points we are not telling the real story.

      It’s the flu. A new and different strain but it is still the flu. About 35 thousand people died in this country last year from the flu. Does that worry you ? Did you go crazy about it ? Did the media care ? No. We just did the usual stories telling you to get a flu shot. No big deal. But this swine flu is scary we are telling you. You could die. But really it is no different than any other flu unless it spreads and becomes a pandemic. That could happen.

     The Department of Homeland Security went out of their way to say that while this flu strain has the potential to get a lot worse it is actually a mild form of the flu. People who have gotten it are getting better in 2 days with treatment. Usually flu lasts 4 or 5. New York City’s mayor and health commissioner, where there have been a few dozen cases, also emphasized that point. But the media has chosen not to publicize this as much. It’s better to scare people. Ratings go up.

     Tamiflu is being rushed around the country for people who get swine flu. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says they stockpiled the stuff after President George W.Bush in 2005 read a history of the 1918 influenza pandemic. He told the CDC to do something so they developed Tamiflu. That’s surprising. Bush reading. So we have plenty of resources to fight this, if it comes to it.

     There was a swine flu outbreak in the U.S. in 1976. President Gerald Ford, whose popularity would make George W. Bush seem like an American Idol star, decided every American should be vaccinated against swine flu. In 11 days 40 million Americans got the shots. On the 11th day 3 senior citizens died shortly after being inoculated. The other 39,999,997 went bananas. The whole thing was a bust. 

     Yes we should be concerned about this particular swine flu. But don’t panic. Once again the media has lost sight of the truth in favor of ratings. Worry more about the state of Journalism in this country.

Tom Durfey

Obama Press Conference Highlights

Swine flu…President Obama says the federal government is doing it’s utmost to take all precautions. He says keep kids out of school if they are sick and of course keep washing your hands.

Auto Industry…Chrysler, he is more hopeful than he was a few weeks ago. Shareholders have made major concessions and unions have made enormous sacrifices. He is more optimistic they will reach a deal with Fiat but it is still not clear if they will go bankrupt. On G.M. he says the process id ongoing but there are difficult choices to make. Obama says he wants to get the government out of the auto business and he doesn’t want to run banks either.

Torture… Waterboarding is torture and he ended it. We are in a stronger position worldwide without torture because we are holding true to American ideals.

Pakistan… He is confident the Taliban won’t get their hands on Pakistan’ nukes. Obama is gravely concerned that the Pakistan government can’t deliver what Pakistanis need to have their support. That is their biggest weakness.

Iraq…Political system is holding. Civilian deaths are down. But serious work needs to be done on dividing oil revenues and power sharing between Shias, Sunnis and Kurds.

Abortion… It’s a moral and ethical issue. Women are in the best position to make a decision with their own family. The freedom of choice act is not his highest priority.

Immigration reform…Work with Senator John McCain. Their is a strain on our borders and we must secure them. Things can’t continue the way they are.

Is the recession worse for Blacks ? Every step we are taking is for all the people and that means for those who have lost the most and are more vulnerable has a higher proportion of Blacks and Latinos.

In response to a reporter’s question on how he feels…surprised…By the number of critical issues that have arisen since he first started running for president…Humbled…By the presidency. It is just a part of American life. He can’t just push a button and get something done…Enchanted…By the service men and women. He is profoundly grateful and impressed by what they do…Troubled…Change in Washington comes slow even in a crisis. There is no time out in political games.

But we are moving ahead on all fronts.

Tom Durfey

Swine Speak

swiftpolitics decided to go to the source of the swine flu outbreak, pigs. This is the first interview with the source of this problem. It was obtained at a farm.

sp…How do you feel ?

pig…Not bad.

sp…Do you have any symptoms ?

pig…If you ate what I eat you’d be nauseous and throwing up all the time too.

sp…You don’t seem too concerned.

pig…No. None of us have been slaughtered since this started.

sp…Should you be quarantined ?

pig…We live in a pig pen.

sp…How did this get transmitted to humans ?

pig…We don’t kiss and tell.

sp…How did you guys get the flu ?

pig…We think we got it from interacting with humans.

sp…Do you wear masks ?

pig…Only when the pig farmers want to get kinky.

sp…Any final thoughts ?

pig…We’re hoping people will get used to eating grits for breakfast instead of bacon.

Tom Durfey

Swine Flu…100 Days…Justice Souter…Gimmie A Break !

     Do you ever get tired of ” the news ” ? I do and I make my living at it. Information overload is real. Sometimes you have to turn off the tv, let the computer sit for a day and chill. We need to replenish ourselves once in a while. The headlines have been screaming at us too much lately. Swine flu…Obama’s 100 days in office…Somali Pirates…Pakistan…Afghanistan…recession…Wall Street…Main Street…A Rod and steroids…etc. Gimmie a break !

     Retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter is going home and leaving the troubles and whirlwind of Washington for the mountains of New Hampshire where he will put on his hiking shoes. Sometimes you need a little Thoreau and less American Idol.

     The problems aren’t going away but sometimes you need a break. I don’t usually watch basketball but along with so many others I checked out the great opening round between the Bulls and Celtics. It was nice to worry about points, rebounds and momentum switching from team to team. Enough worrying for me as the world trudged on.

     There’s a very good reason we have coffee and lunch breaks and vacations and holidays and movies and sports, without wondering who is juiced.

     Let’s just take a deep breath. The problems will be there when we get back.

Tom Durfey

Overseas Tax Loophole Banks React To Obama

     President Obama wants to prevent American companies from keeping their profits in foreign banks. swiftpolitics wiretapped two bankers’ phones in countries this will affect. In Switzerland Baron Fritz St. Bernard and in the Caribbean Islands Cayman Catfish. Here is the transcript.

Baron…I better call Catfish and see what he’s doing.

Ringgggggg.

Catfish…Good mornin’ mon ! How can we help your banking needs today ?

Baron…Catfish it’s me.

Catfish…You heard about our free checking, savings and tax services ? We hide it so you can spend it !

Baron…Cut the baloney. It’s Fritz. Obama wants to find out who has stashed American money in our banks.

Catfish…Fritzy mon ! He’s doing the same thing here ! People aren’t banking with us because we’re giving away free toasters !

Baron…This could ruin us. Our whole economy depends on hiding money from the IRS.

Catfish…Be cool mon. Stonewall. We don’t know nothing.

Baron…But they have asked for our records ?

Catfish…Us too mon. I sent them Ziggy Marley and Toots Maytall.

Baron…Not those records ! Bank records !

Catfish…I told them we are now using creole/haitian in all our transactions and it doesn’t translate well.

Baron…We’re putting all our financial records on blue ray. The technology is already outdated.

Catfish…We are opening branch banks in Cuba. Let’s hope the U.S. blockade lasts. With Obama you never know.

Baron…We’re talking to some ex nazis in Argentina. How does Fourth Reich National Bank sound ?

Catfish…Beautiful Fritz baby, beautiful !

     Tom Durfey

Has Obama Pulled An FDR ?

     Franklin Roosevelt did things to pull America out of the great depression. Did they work ? Some historians say it was World War II that got the country moving economically. But they agree FDR gave people hope when they needed it.  Was that what turned the economy around ?

     Roosevelt used the federal government to start programs to get the country moving again. The experts also disagree on how successful they were. But Roosevelt did something. People saw he was trying. But FDR was attacked for trying to do too much ! Some called Roosevelt, oh my God, a socialist ! Others complained about his fireside chats on the radio when he told people what he was doing ! They said the money he spent would bankrupt the country’s future generations ! The audacity !

     But Roosevelt had something his critics couldn’t see and didn’t understand. The American people believed him. They knew he cared and was trying to help. When he said the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, people stopped being afraid.

     When this recession is over, and it will be, what will historians say paved the way to recovery ? Stimulus Packages ? New and bigger federal programs ? Televised news conferences ?

     Or will it be that America believed in someone ? That’s called hope.

Tom Durfey

Dick Cheney Should Be Waterboarded

     You have to give the old Dick credit for guts. He sticks to his guns. Just remember to duck if you go hunting with him. He won’t give up his indefensible support of policies that did more to harm the United States then anything the left wing radicals of the 60′s and 70′s did. On Sunday, the same day the last captured member of the Symbionese Liberation Army, famous for kidnapping heiress Patty Hearst and killing cops, was let out of prison, Cheney was on Face the Nation saying the republican party should be more like Russ Limbaugh than Colin Powell.

     After the SLA guy walked out of jail they should have thrown Cheney in. He espouses the same stupid thinking as those brain fried radicals who had a warped vision of what America is. Cheney just had a bigger role and did more damage. No tolerance for dissent. That is what links the two. My way or the highway. Radical policies that tear at the very heart of justice.

     Cheney should be thrown in the same room in hell with the acid eating radical fringe of the left. The SLA and Weathermen can make bombs and blow themselves up and Cheney and his kind can waterboard each other and shoot their friends in the head with the guns they love to play with.

Tom Durfey

Miss California Needs A Brain Job

     Donald Trump will decide today if Miss California, Carrie Prejean ( is that name for real ? ) will keep her title of Miss California. The world is waiting. You can’t make this stuff up. A jerk billionaire with the world’s worst comb over and a beer belly who has been married three times to a bunch of bimbos who were after his money decides if a homophobic air head with big boobs who poses topless is worthy to carry the title Miss California. Only if she has breast implants !

     Carrie Prejudice Prejean thinks marriage should only be between a man and a woman. She thinks ! That’s probably what she did in the talent portion of the pageant. The same sex marriage gang has adopted Prejean as a spokesperson. She can talk too ! How desperate are they ? I wonder how many of them have googled ( TMZ ) her titty pix. They probably down loaded them and hide them in their closet along with all the other things they don’t want to come out.

     I know preteens who make more sense than Prejean. She flaunts her body in public and lectures on morals. This bimbo should get a one way ticket to Saudi Arabia and a rock shower. More realistically she will probably pose for Hustler and go on to a brief career in porno films. Then Prejean will cry she was exploited and go on the ” I’ve sinned but I’ve been saved circuit ”.

      She has a promising career in front of her. What’s in front of her got Mz. ( sorry, she probably doesn’t like that title either ) Prejean to where she is today. Flaunting her boobs in front of drooling lechers like Donald Trump.

Tom Durfey

What Social Security Means To Baby Boomers

Medicare will be broke in 2017 and social security runs out in 2037. swiftpolitics interviews a baby boomer about this.

How are you taking the news that you might have to work until you die ?

I need a job right now. Death is looking better and better.

What about when medicare runs out ?

I’m going holistic. My spiritual well being is going to have to carry the broken down body.

Is living with your kids an option ?

They’re living with us. We’re going to start charging those deadbeats rent.

Do you own your own home ?

We’re not sure. We’ve refinanced so many times we don’t know who owns it now.

Do employers feel you’re too old ?

Yeah. One guy asked me what side I was on in the Civil War.

Are your salary requirements too high ?

I’m picking cans out of garbage for the nickel deposit.

How do you deal with stress ?

I punch a career counselor.

Have you had to cut back on expenses ?

Yeah. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are out.

How is your wife doing ?

She started an escort service. She yells at lonely old men for $10 an hour.

How do you feel about the American dream ?

I’m hoping I wake up.

   Tom Durfey

Medicare will be broke in 2017 and social security runs out in 2037. swiftpolitics interviews a baby boomer about this.

How are you taking the news that you might have to work until you die ?

I need a job right now. Death is looking better and better.

What about when medicare runs out ?

I’m going holistic. My spiritual well being is going to have to carry the broken down body.

Is living with your kids an option ?

They’re living with us. We’re going to start charging those deadbeats rent.

Do you own your own home ?

We’re not sure. We’ve refinanced so many times we don’t know who owns it now.

Do employers feel you’re too old ?

Yeah. One guy asked me what side I was on in the Civil War.

Are your salary requirements too high ?

I’m picking cans out of garbage for the nickel deposit.

How do you deal with stress ?

I punch a career counselor.

Have you had to cut back on expenses ?

Yeah. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are out.

How is your wife doing ?

She started an escort service. She yells at lonely old men for $10 an hour.

How do you feel about the American dream ?

I’m hoping I wake up.

   Tom Durfey

Aids, Hate, 9/11, John Lennon, Sunday Morning In New York City

     Today there is an AIDS walk in Central Park. A little later there will be a protest outside Governor Paterson’s office against the gay marriage bill in the New York state legislature. Some are walking to shed light. Others are cloaked in the darkness.

     A full blown emergency drill is being held at ground zero. Hundreds of cops, firefighters and emergency workers on closed down street preparing if it happens again. A couple weeks ago air force one and a couple of F-16 fighter jets blew by where the twin towers stood in lower Manhattan for a photo op at the nearby Statue of Liberty panicking some people.

     Yoko Ono presents John Lennon the New York City years at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame annex down on Mercer Street. Tickets are 28 bucks a pop. Many years ago a friend bought the album Two Virgins expecting some great music and we listened to John and Yoko having sex. I love John but sometimes it’s not worth the price of admission.

     My wife is driving through the midwest. She always stops in Howe, Indiana. A little town where everybody knows your name. They remember her because of her trips there to eat in a diner and be in a small town like where she grew up in southern Illinois.

     In New York City this morning hope, hate, fear, preparing for another terrorist attack and how can I make a buck off the Beatles.  

     Later today President Obama speaks at Notre Dame. There will be demonstrations there too. One nation. We just have a lot of opinions. At least we can voice them.

     I will blog more later today after Obama’s speech.

Tom Durfey

Obama At Notre Dame

     As a Catholic institution Notre Dame does not believe in abortion. But they invited President Obama, who believes in a woman’s right to choose to speak at Notre Dame. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing. There is nothing wrong with peacefully protesting. There is something wrong with not letting someone express their views because they are not yours. That’s why freedom of speech is the very first amendment. Notre Dame should be applauded for giving President Obama the stage to do that.

     The President offered to play with the Barack Oballers who didn’t win ND’s intramural basketball championship. He said we must live together as one human family. He said that as he was being heckled by dissenters in the audience. Families argue.

     Obama said even bringing together the gay activist and the pastor who disagree might provide some relief. He asked how do we work through these conflicts ? We bring them together. Without demonizing those who disagree. He talked about a doctor who disagreed with him on abortion, but he prayed for all of us to open our minds. Obama called for reducing unwanted pregnancy, making adoption more available, providing care and support for women who carry their baby until they are born. 

     The President says both sides can make their case. The audience applauded. He told them you will be exposed to more information than any generation before. The ultimate irony of faith is to admit doubt. Believe that God’s wisdom is greater than our own. All faiths have the golden rule, treat others as you wish to be treated.

     Obama talked how Notre Dame president Ted Hesburgh brokered an agreement on civil rights with southeners. He said they were all fisherman so he took them fishing. Obama says recognize the grace in each other like Father Ted.

     Years ago another elected official who supported a woman’s right to choose spoke at Notre Dame. This is what he said.

” I protect my right to be a Catholic by preserving your right to believe as a Jew, a Protestant, or non-believer, or as anything else you choose. We know that the price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that they might some day force theirs on us ”. Governor Mario Cuomo, Notre Dame speech, September 13, 1984

     I am a Boston College man. Another Jesuit institution like Notre Dame. Notre Dame has good football teams. But we usually beat them. They don’t hold that against Boston College. They just play us next year. Go BC !

Tom Durfey

Get Out Of Debt Now Free !!!

THIS IS WHAT THOSE ADS TELL YOU !!!

(this is what they really men )

TIRED OF THOSE CREDIT CARD CALLS ???

( wait till you see how often we call )

WANT TO GET RID OF YOUR  DEBT FOREVER ???

( you’ll owe us for the rest of your life )

ARE CREDIT CARD COMPANIES RIPPING YOU OFF ???

( we are the credit card companies )

WE CAN DO IT QUICK AND EASY !!!

( just like getting mugged )

YOU CAN AVOID BANKRUPTCY !!!

( we’ll own you )

JUST ONE LOW MONTHLY PAYMENT !!!

( 10 thousand dollars a month )

YOU WON’T HAVE ANY MORE WORRY !!!

( you’ll probably kill yourself )

HERE’S TESTIMONY FROM OUR CUSTOMERS !!!

” THEY REALLY SAVED MY LIFE !!! “

( they took our son )

” WE DON’T WORRY ABOUT OUR FINANCIAL FUTURE !!! ”

( is there something like the witness protection program so we can get these guys off our backs )

” THEY WERE SO HELPFUL AND NICE !!! ”

( it’s like water boarding )

” DO WHAT WE DID AND SIGN UP RIGHT NOW !!! “

( if we get 10 people to sign up they might let us go )

” SO JOIN THE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE LIKE US !!! ”

( we are being held in cages in a strange country )

OUR OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY !!! CALL NOW !!!

( 3 goons in a truck will come and take everything you own )

Tom Durfey

Roids, Owners And B-Fud

B-Fud, a popular pro jock, got an injury. He went to speak to the team owner. swiftpolitics bugged the conversation. Here is the transcript.

B-Fud…What’s the diagnosis ?

Owner…You have a boo-boo.

How long will I be out ?

About 5 minutes.

What are we going to do ?

Kiss it and get back on the field.

Do I need an operation ?

You need a new agent.

What about rehab ?

You have a drinking problem too ?

No ! Physical rehab !

Try not to think about it.

What ?

See. It’s working already.

I want to talk to my union rep !

He’s been banned from the sport.

I’m going public with this !

We sold your movie rights.

What will I do ?

With your knees dancing with the stars is out.

     Tom Durfey

The Bronx Isn’t Burning Tonight

     In a baseball game in the old Yankee Stadium between the Bronx Bombers and the hated Boston Red Sox in 1977 Howard Cosell says, of a building on fire shown on tv outside the stadium, ”Ladies and gentlemen, the Bronx is burning, ”.

     We almost went up in flames again last night. The terrorist plot to kill people in the Bronx fizzled out because an informant told the FBI about it a year ago. They tracked the plot and even sold the idiot terrorists some fake bombs and missiles. Four muslim men were arrested when they tried to pull it off last night. Two targets were synagogues in the Riverdale section of the Bronx where many Jews live.

     Today small Spanish children returned to the synagoguesues because that is their pre- school. They said they wouldn’t let terrorists stop them from going to thier little school. In the synagogue.

     Those four would be terrorists and full time jackasses really screwed up from the get go. One of their ”friends’ ratted to the FBI a year ago and even arranged to sell the four idiots fake ammo. Duuuuhhhhh ! These jokers must have flunked out of one of those terrorist camps in Pakistan.  But they are all Americans born here.

     The Bronx isn’t burning tonight. It’s full of good people of different cultures, faiths, hopes and dreams. It is burning in all their hearts.

Tom Durfey

Harold And Kumar Leave Guantanamo Bay

     With the debate over where to send prisoners from Guantanamo Bay swiftpolitics was able to get a tape of two terrorists planning where they will go next. They were looking at travel brochures. Here is the transcript.

Where’s NIMBY ?

Not in my back yard.

Why would I want to stay in some American’s back yard ? They barbecue pork ! I’ve been water boarded so much I can’t look at a swimmmng pool !

With our luck we’ll probably wind up staying with fundamentalist Christians or Jews.

Yucca Mountain, Nevada looks nice.

It’s a nuclear waste site you idiot. It’s like wearing a suicide bomb vest only it goes off very slowly.

What about Europe ?

The exchange rate from dollars to euros is not good right now.

How about club fed ? Those federal prisons with tennis courts ?

They’re full with Wall Street executives. You can’t get a reservation until 2050.

What about Alcatraz ?

Nice location. But it’s a popular museum and tourist attraction.

Why do Americans like to visit prisons ?

Must be the economy. They call them stay-cations. Cheaper not to leave home.

If we go to American prison do we have to wear our pants below our underwear ?

There must be something in the Koran banning that.

Whatever happened to the 70 virgins they promised us if we die in jihad ?

They tell you anything to get you on a bus or plane.

Why do Americans care what prison we’re in ?

Ask Michael Vick.

     Tom Durfey

Just My Opinion

Aren’t you glad Dick Cheney, Russ Limbaugh and Karl Rove are republicans ? What would they do without them !

Joe Biden should have his own 24 hour blooper channel.

Over heard at the gym…” Lady I don’t care what exercises you do you’re not going to have arms like Michelle Obama !”.

The recount in the Minnesota senate race will last longer than the recession.

What makes conservative values valuable ? They should be on Antiques Road Show.

The Louisiana Super Dome is fixed. What about the rest of the city.

There should be a California proposition to take away their right to vote.

All trips to the International Space Station should be one way only.

Our infrastructure is falling apart. All the greedy politicians who made a buck off it should be given a pick and shovel.

Prisons are over crowded. No one wants to leave.

Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor is smart, Latina, forward thinking and has a good record on the issues. No wonder conservatives oppose her.

Why doesn’t billionaire Mayor Michael Bloomberg just buy New York City instead of running for a third term.

How come we still see car ads on tv ?

With all the wire taps on Illinois Senator Roland Burris and ex governor Rod Blagojevitch don’t you think they would have noticed somebody rewiring their home ?

     Tom Durfey

Where Is Sotomayor On Abortion ?

     Nobody knows ! Pro lifers and pro choicers were grabbing the pitchforks and loading the muskets. Now the game may be called because of fog. President Obama has fooled everyone.  Choosing someone for her qualifications with no litmus test. How dare he pick someone based on who is best qualified ? The audacity ! Oh Oh. There’s that word again.

     We are going to have to get used to this new president. I mean it’s one thing to campaign on lofty ideals. But then practice them ? We are used to the ” I’ll tell you one thing and do another when I get elected ” types. Remember the compassionate conservative George W. Bush ? No big deal when he did a 180. George H. W. Bush said ” Read my lips. No new taxes ”. Then he raised them. The biggest commie hater of them all Richard Nixon went to China and toasted Mao Tse Tung with wine.

     We’re used to flip flops. We expect them. Maybe we expect them in ourselves. Central to Obama’s campaign for the presidency was meaning what he said and bringing everyone together.

     What have we done ?

Tom Durfey

The Recession Is A Scam !!!

September 25, 2008…Commercial banks and investment firms borrowed $ 217 billion from the federal reserve as of yesterday, more than double the prior week, as the financial crisis worsens and private funding dries up.

May 28, 2009…The federal reserve says commerical banks averaged 38 billion in borrowing over the last week. Down slightly from the week before. Investment firms didn’t take any loans for the second week in a row.

I don’t know. I’m no financial wiz. But when banks keep taking less money from the federal government something is going on. Investment firms don’t need any more bailout money ? How come people are still losing jobs ? Why does my 401 k look like a deflated soccer ball ? Why is my wife clipping coupons ? If the recession is over why hasn’t it trickled down to us ? Or was there really a recession at all ?

I’m beginning to think this whole economic crisis was planned. We were happily buying houses, filling them with big tvs, getting every new electronic gizmo that came down the pike, credit card companies kept increasing our limit, then all of a sudden it was turned off. The banks and investment firms had to be bailed out. That will save us we were told ! Now the banks and investors don’t need any more money. We’re still broke.

I think this whole financial crisis was just a scam by the big companies, with a little help from politicians, to set us up, scare the hell out of us with an economic crisis and then take all our money. They must have got tired of bleeding us to death. Remember those figures that the top 5 percent of the population had 70 percent of the money ? Now they have it all !

In the meantime keep looking for a job and clipping those coupons.

Tom Durfey

The Boogie Man Has Left The Building

     He taught Dick Cheney how to steal a Presidential election. George W. Bush’s father put him in an office next to him to learn. Karl Rove was his dedicated disciple. He was called ” A Master Of Satan ” and ” The Best Campaign Manager Who Ever Lived ”. Lee Atwater perfected the smear, smash and burn style of politics that now seems to be fading.

     Barack Obama has ushered in a new era of politics. Obama, as in so many things, came at the right moment in time. The tactics honed and perfected by Atwater are old now. The worst thing you can do to an idea is not take it seriously. We tend to laugh at Russ, Newt, Dick and Carl as they spew their bombastic hate. It’s just not working anymore. Even most republicans like Sonia Sotomayor, while keeping an eye on the Hispanic vote.

     Lee Atwater cut a swath through American Politics not seen before or since. Like the conqueror Alexander he died young. 40 years old. Now his brand of lies he called politics are leaving center stage after a spectacular run. The guitar playing soul man who recorded with B.B. King and Percy Sledge and made America tremble when a Black man walked out of prison to rape white women died 18 years ago.

     He walked off the national stage with a crowd chanting ” More ! ”. The ones who tried to pick up the mantle were cheap imitations. They weren’t Elvis. They were Fabian. But like everything in this world he lies in wait. His spirit lives like cancer under remission.

     The Boogie Man has left the building. But someday another star will twang his guitar and sing a siren song and crowds will sway and swoon.

     The music never dies.

Tom Durfey

Obama In Cairo The World We Seek

     President Obama has challenged the United States. Now he has challenged the Muslim world. Can he win ? We won’t know today and for quite awhile. But he’s trying. He said the things to another religion and another culture that had to be said. Many Muslims are afraid to say those things. Perhaps he made then think about respecting women, about stopping the hate, the wars and the terror. Obama used their own religion to show there is a way of understanding within them. 

    The President spoke of a newer world. One of globalization, cooperation, knowledge, understanding and tolerance. He emphasized this is not against the Koran but in support of what that text teaches. He appealed to the side of their religion that many Muslims do not talk about. It is not spoken of in the camps that train terrorists. It is not spoken to the young people recruited to be suicide bombers. It is not virgins waiting for them in another world but the men and women who are in this world.

     Will they listen ? They have heard. Obama promises action. An eeconomic summit, students from both cultures studying in the lands of others, using the internet with all the resources it has, while understanding there are others that would use that same resource to hurt. He called for the Muslim world not to turn away from their religion, but to embrace it to a fuller extent.

     Barack Obama has used his words and actions to inspire our country in a time when we need them. He is a bridge to us between what divides Americans. Can he be a bridge between Muslims and the rest of the world ? It is up to them and us. Bridges go two ways. But he has mapped out the path. He went to the heart of Islam and showed there can be a way. He went to their world. Are they willing to seek a new one ?

Tom Durfey

Freedom Of Press Or Price ???

When the Founding Fathers put freedom of the press in the Constitution they were not thinking about reporters but an actual printing press ! The town printer, just like the blacksmith, would do want you want for a price no matter what the horse. My ancestor, Thaddeus Durfey, happened to be in the print shop when Thomas Jefferson and John Adams came in with the amendments to the Constitution. The owner of the print shop was an immigrant named Baron Rupert Von Murdoch. Here is the transcript.

Murdoch…Now what ?

Jefferson…We have some amendments to the Constitution.

Murdoch…Why didn’t you put them in the first time ?

Adams…We forgot.

Murdoch…Well it’s gonna cost you more. And none of that continental money either. Whose picture did you put on it this week ?

Jefferson…The amendments are just one long page.

Murdoch…I charge by the word.

Jefferson to Adams…Lets take out the part about no slavery.

Adams…Alright. We can work on that later. What are you going to tell Sally Hemings ?

Jefferson…Let me worry about that. Mr. Murdoch when can it be finished ?

Murdoch…I got to run some more copies of that pamphlet Common Sense by Tom Paine. It’s been a big seller ever since he went on Dolly Madison’s Book Club. Why don’t you put Dolly’s picture on that money. She’s got some tremendous scoops and I ain’t talking ice cream cones.

Adams…Look. How about we throw in freedom of the press. Then you can print anything you want.

Murdoch…I already do that. ” You pay we print ” is our slogan.

Jefferson…But this will mean the government can’t stop you from printing anything you want !

Murdoch…Buy your own printing press !

Adams…We have one but it only prints money.

Murdoch…How long do you think that will last ?

Jefferson…We call it a deficit. It can always be passed on to the next administration.

Murdoch…You guys got an answer for everything. You still owe me for those Articles of Confederation I printed. Whatever happened to that government ?

Adams…We couldn’t get anything done because that delegate from the south Phineas Philibuster wouldn’t shut up.

Murdoch…Put something in about people voting to shut him up. You get enough votes and no more Philibuster.

Jefferson…Excellent idea !

Adams…How many copies of our Declaration of Independence have been sold ?

Murdoch…I’m giving them away. People say it makes a nice lining for the back of a picture frame.

Jefferson…Well we’ll leave these amendments with you. Let us know when their done.

Murdoch…Just don’t keep running in here with more amendments all the time.

Adams…Don’t worry. We’ll make it even harder to pass another amendment than stopping a philibuster.

Murdoch…Like I said. You guys got an answer for everything.

Thaddeus Durfey

Is My Blog Falling In An Empty Forest ?

     A similar title appears in today’s NY Times SundayStyles section. It laments the failure of blogs to provide an income, a book deal and other pleasures. It infers blogs are passe. Everyone is going to facebook and twitter. I post notices on twitter when I write a new blog. It’s kind of like advertising. My facebook space remains dormant.

     I like to write. It’s what I do for a living. Sure I would like thousands of people to read my blogs. Since I started back in October I have had 2,000 hits. That’s not bad. I am glad people want to read what I have to say. Many of my blogs are humorous. I hope. Maybe someone gets a chuckle out of them. That makes me feel good. I wonder who reads swiftpolitics ? I don’t know. But it’s fun to think some people are. People I have never met and never will.

     Sometimes an idea will pop into my head and I start writing in long hand on a legal pad. Sometimes they become a blog, sometimes they don’t. I like Tom Durfey. He is always there when I want to be him. Where else can I find an alter ego short of becoming a comic book super hero ? It’s a Walter Mitty fantasy. But it’s better then some of the wierd fantasies that go on the internet.

     I hope you enjoy them. If not I enjoy them. Oh yeah ! If you want to give me a book deal bring it on. Then I can sell the movie rights ! How about Tom Hanks playing Tom Durfey  ? I can go to wild Hollywood parties and then into rehab ! 

No thanks. Me and Tom are happy where we are.

Celebrity Winners And Losers

     Neal Wanless is no longer winless. He’s the South Dakota cowboy who hit it big with a 232 million powerball win. The 23 year old single man can now get his family out of poverty. I feel sorry for him. Is a spot on the Bachelor next ?

     Susan Boyle is out of a mental health care facility. Britain’s Got Talent runner up was hospitalized with an anxiety attack after coming in second. I feel sorry for her too. Her agent probably can’t wait to get her on the road.

     I don’t feel sorry for Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan. They asked for it.

     We have always been interested in what happens to the rich and famous. We especially like it when they screw up. Then they’re no difference than the rest of us. The crowd went wild when they brought Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette up on stage and chopped their heads off. People dragged their handkerchiefs in Louie’s blood. Souvenir t-shirts weren’t invented yet.

     We are never going to lose out prurient interest in fame, fortune and failure. Don’t blame the media. They just drag their handkerchiefs through the blood and hold them up for all to see. Don’t feel sorry for the Hiltons and Lohans. Save your pity for the cowboy and singer. They gambled and won. But they really lost everything they had.

Tom Durfey

An Angel In The Outfield

     Brett Gardner is fast. He plays for the New York Yankees. He is not a high priced super star. He’s a journeyman ball player who has spent most of his life in the minor leagues. The report on him is good field can’t hit. But he is fast.

    A month ago he went to a hospital to see some kids. The Yankee organization sends players like Gardner to things like this. The superstars are too busy. He met young Alyssa Esposito. She had been waiting 107 days for a heart transplant. Gardner was scheduled to play that night. She told him to hit a home run for her.

     ” I’m not a home run hitter ” he told her. Gardner had hit just one home run in his career. Alyssa gave him one of those cheap stretch bracelets kids wear and said, ” This will bring you luck ”.  

     That night Gardner stood at the plate and hit a soft blooper to left field. The ball was bouncing as Gardner raced to first base. The outfielder stuck out his hand for an easy catch that would surely make Gardner’s hit a single.

     But the ball took a hop over the outfielder’s glove. Gardner is fast. He took off for second hoping to stretch his hit into a double. As the outfielder ran after it the ball hit the wall and took a bounce away from him.

     Gardner turned on the jets. He is fast. He rounded second base. To his surprise the third base coach was waving him in. Gardner had the signal to try for home. He ran like he never had before. His short legs pounded on the infield, his arms pumping like pistons.

     The outfielder had the ball. He fired it towards home plate. Gardner kept running. He rounded third. Alyssa was watching the tv from her hospital bed. Her mother said she shouted with a tube in her mouth, ” He’s running for me ! ”.

     The ball was flying like a missile towards the catcher who was standing right at home plate. Gardner ran harder.

     It was a race between a perfectly thrown ball and a man who looked like he was running for his life. The ball and Gardner sped towards home. The catcher was poised over home plate with his glove outstretched.

     The ball and Gardner. Flying through the infield. Closer they came. It was a dead heat. Gardner threw his short body into the air and dove head first. The ball was zeroing into the catcher’s glove. As he slid through the dirt Gardner’s out stretched hands touched home plate. The ball arrived a split second later. An inside the park home run. The first for a Yankee in ten years.

     Alyssa went to sleep with a smile on her face. Something her mother hadn’t seen for a long time. That night the hospital got a call. A heart was ready for Alyssa. The operation would be the next morning.

     A month later Alyssa, her mom and doctors met the press. Gardner was there. Alyssa said, ” I feel a whole lot better then I did before the transplant. Inside I’m the same person but physically I feel so much better, ”.

     Gardner sat next to her. He smiled. Brett Gardner is not a home run hitter. He’s not a well paid super star. But he’s fast.

Tom Durfey

Obama…What Can Republicans Do ?

     The generation of republican rule touted by the Bush gang is now a silly thought. Remember when the GOP controlled the White House and Congress ? What were we thinking ? Don’t invite Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin to the same party. Mitt Romney looks like the man who fell off the wedding cake. Mike Huckabee has a tv show. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal makes Joe Biden sound like Winston Churchill. Colin Powell is whistling in the dark. Russ Limbaugh has elevated himself to an embarrassment. All they have left is their own 24 hour news channel Fox. Thanks Rupert !

     Then there’s the President. There is a reason for America’s love affair with Barack Obama. He is the right man for the right time. Can you think of anyone else you would want leading the nation right now ? Certainly not anyone in the above paragraph.

     Political parties fall out of favor. But the fall of the GOP is nothing less that stunning. What happened ? It’s not just a lack of ideas. Though they are guilty of that. It’s not just the turn to the far right wing of their party. They’re guilty of that too. Republicans are just not in step with the times. America needs help and they are looking to the federal government. The republican mantra of less government is better has crashed and burned. They gave us less government control and the rich got richer. The trickle down theory never worked.

     Republicans have to change their plan of not going along with what the country wants, and needs. Voting against every effort to do something about the mess they got us into is not going to help them. The party out of power is called the loyal opposition. Republicans have to give up on the opposition part. That’s not working. It’s time for a little loyalty. To their country.

Tom Durfey

Date Night In The Recession

     We locked the kids in the basement. Not a dark, dank basement with dripping water and rats. A basement with wall to wall carpeting, HD-TV, a computer, pool and ping pong tables and a wet bar. We made our way to the corner and shivered waiting for the bus. We got on and paid our fare. The driver  with earphones on ignored us. Sitting behind us was a snoring drunk. Two teenagers across from us were cemented together in a lip lock while their hands fumbled underneath their clothes. A drug addict mumbled and swayed hanging on to the back of another seat.

     We arrived at the Bijous theater for a performance of Land of the Lost with Will Ferrell. A bucket of popcorn, cold and soggy with something that resembled butter but my wife insisted was teenage ejaculation cost ten bucks. We sat next to a wino who yelled obscenities at the dinosaurs. A man in a trench coat and no pants propositioned my wife.  There were disgusting things on the floor that seemed to be moving.

     After the show we went to Smelly’s 24 hour diner. I had the special, spam, fake eggs and crackers. My wife chose the Manwitch plate with mac and cheese. A couple of Mountain Dews please garcon ? The harsh lights reflected our images in the windows. I was wearing dirty sweats. My wife decked out in her gas station coverall and construction boots. We played Bob Seeger’s Just That Old Time Rock And Roll on the jukebox. The wino who had followed us got up to dance.

     We paid the bill. Ten bucks. I didn’t leave a tip. We ran out and just missed the bus home. We hitch hiked. Someone drove by and threw an empty can of beer at us. A mangy dog bit my leg. When we got home the house was boarded up and taken over by the bank. Unfortunately the kids were ok. We are living with my in laws now. The homeless shelter was booked.

Tom Durfey

Iran’s Supreme Leader Has A Supreme Problem

     Forget president Mak-Mood-I-Lost-My-Job. Iran’s real real leader, Ayatollah Ali Khanenei, is losing his followers. Iranis are not happy with the rigged election. Now the supreme leader, come up with a more original name fellas, is peeing in his pajamas. Ali, the not so greatest, is having his Council of Guardians look into the voting to see if there was any fraud. That’s like asking the fox to check the hen house and see if the chickens are ok.

     Ayatollah Ali was around 30 years ago when the last street parties sent the shah packing. When the people say enough is enough despots like A.A. start to sweat. The old line about 70 virgins waiting in heaven isn’t cutting it when Irani guys are dreaming about their women in mini skirts and halter tops. And while the government is paying big bucks to Russia for some second hand nukes the falafel sandwiches are running out.

     The U.S. strategy should be flood the airwaves with Beyonce and the Jonas Brothers and tv shows like Iranian Idol, Dancing with the Infidels and I’m A Mullah Get Me Out Of Here and a 24 hour soccer channel. Throw in some Budweiser and lazy boy lounge chairs and the supreme leader will be selling Springsteen tee shirts outside a stadium.

Tom Durfey

alphainventions…why I write a blog

     I’m lucky. I have a job that pays me to write. I can write about anything I want with certain guidelines and restrictions. I am even paid to write a blog ! It is very popular. So why do I write another blog for alphainventions ?

     I like it because it’s mine. I say whatever I want and the only restrictions are my own. I don’t need profanity, outside of the usual stuff like what you hear at home. Mostly I write about politics. My blog, swiftpolitics, on typepad and wordpress and yes I twitter, is named after Jonathan Swift. He’s the guy who wrote Gulliver’s Travels. Those little people and animals and all the other stuff he thought up is satire. A lot of people can take a punch but nobody wants to be laughed at. I like to show how the so called important people are just like us. To see them doing the things ordinary people do makes them more human. It takes them down a peg. They have to deal with cell phones that keep losing their charge. Slow internet connections. Spam.Taking the garbage out. Listening to their friends and family who will tell them things they don’t hear, and don’t want to hear, from the sycophants they surround themselves with.

     Is what I say important or even relevant ? That’s up to you. That’s what’s nice about alphainventions. I like writing. If you like to read it, laugh with me and just spend a few seconds thinking about what I say that’s nice too.

Tom Durfey

R.I.P Neda…Twitter Trembles Iran…Internet Revolt

     R.I.P Neda. You didn’t die in vain. That is posted on Twitter. A young Iranian woman lies in a pool of her own blood. The video was posted on YouTube and is now on the news networks. On Twitter there is a discussion group called hashtag.neda telling the story. The unconfirmed death toll is 150 this Sunday morning. Journalists have ben kicked out of the country. Iran’s supreme leader has made it clear. No recount. No new election. The protests continue. The leader of Iran’s parliament says the election was rigged.

     The world has turned to the internet for news. CNN and the rest are following. Along with the revolution in Iran we are seeing a revolution in Journalism. It is like the old printing press where you could have your say when the government cracks down. We reporters take our name, the press, from that ancient form of setting type and printing paper to tell what is going on. Now the press is the internet because the revolution is on the Internet.

     The Internet is a big problem for regimes like Iran. It’s their own computer virus and it’s making them sick. The Ayatollah can shoot and kill his own people but he can’t kill the net. The images we see of burning in Tehran is shot by amateurs and the iInternet shoots the pictures around the world.

     Dictators don’t like free information for two reasons. It’s free and it’s information. It makes people think. That is a problem when you are trying to control your country by intimidation. Going online gets some people madder than throwing your shoes at them. The internet is not going away. It’s strength is growing. It is a formidable enemy that the Internet’s foes don’t understand and can’t control.

It is the New Journalism. It’s on the Internet.

Tom Durfey

Iran’s Supreme Leader Wire Tapped !!!

     swiftpolitics bugged the home of Iran’s supreme leader Ayatollah Ali, the spiritual force behind the government. Here he talks with his right hand man Akmed about the election, demonstrations and the hated Internet..

Akmed…The people are in the streets and they ain’t dancing !

Ali…Don’t worry. I ordered a recount of the election

Akmed…Any changes ?

Ali…Our man Mahmoud Ahmeddinejad wins by even more votes !

Akmed…Ah supreme leader. Ali Baby. I don’t think they are going to buy that.

Ali…Any news from Facebook ?

Akmed…A really sexy broad in a bikini sent you a picture.

Ali…Great ! What does she say ?

Akmed…Why wait for 40 virgins in heaven when you can have me now ?

Ali…Most excellent ! Anything from Twitter ?

Akmed…You have lost all your followers.

Ali…In Iran ?

Akmed…No Twitter.

Ali…What is Obama saying ?

Akmed…The Iranian people can speak for themselves.

Ali…He’s a socialist ! The republicans were right. What about our Arab allies ?

Akmed…Saudi Arabia says don’t let the tent flap hit you in the ass on the way out.

Ali…Curses ! Did you meet with Syria’s ambassador ?

Akmed…Yes. He threw his shoes at me.

Ali…All this is the Internet’s fault ! When will it end ?

Akmed…It has. You’ve been bumped. Jon and Kate are getting a divorce.

Ali…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH !!!

Tom Durfey

The Mad Genius Of Michael Jackson

     Michael Jackson was a genius. There’s no doubt about that. As a musician I recognize that he had a special gift. People like me practice all our lives and can become proficient.  He was unique. Nobody before did what he did. He was an originator. His place in history is assured.

     He was also quite mad. The Greeks believed the gods made some people special. Different than you and I. But that extraordinary gift of genius came with something else. Achilles had his heel. Beethoven went deaf. Einstein was a mediocre student. There is always a price to pay. Michael paid his.

     We will never see anyone like Michael Jackson again. He belongs in the pantheon, that’s a Greek word, along with Elvis and the Beatles. Along with that place in history he will forever be in the hearts of millions.

     Just look over your shoulder baby. He’ll be there.

Tom Durfey

The Best Arguments Against Democracy

1) ” A 5 minute conversation with the average voter ”…Winston Churchill.

2) ” You get the democracy you deserve ”…H.N. Mencken.

     When your governor…disappears and turns out he was visiting his girlfriend in Argentina…tries to sell a senate seat…patronizes call girls…is a muscle man body builder…etc…etc…etc…

     SOMETHNG IS WRONG !!! And it is us. We elect these boneheads. Sometimes we even re-elect them. There is no best and brightest. There is only dumb and dumber. It’s Howard and Kumar. A sensible person wants nothing to do with running for elective office. It’s a 24/7 job and it doesn’t end when you win. You have to start running again right away.

     Have you noticed how many politicians lately are saying nice things about lobbyiests ? Aren’t elected officials supposed to lobby FOR US ! I used to tell people who didn’t vote not to complain about who we elect. I’ve changed my mind. People who don’t vote can use that arguement against us.

     How do we fix this ? Forget term limits ! We can vote everybody out. It may take some time but eventually we might get some smart people who care and will do the right thing.

Tom Durfey

Goodbye Iraq

     It’s not as bad as the withdrawal from Viet Nam with the helicopters hovering over buildings as people climbed ladders to escape. It’s not as bad…that’s a piss poor comparison. Over 4,000 Americans died in Iraq and more than 30,000 were wounded. The lives of many brave men and women and their families have changed forever and will never be the same.

     War is hell. Sometimes it is justified. There was no justification for the war in Iraq. An incompetent president had a father complex and he squandered the lives of good people to try and beat it. I can think of no other reason for this war and can’t think of a worse one. The way our wounded heroes were treated when they came back will always be a national disgrace.

     130,000 troops remain in Iraq. Add them to the tens of thousands who never should have been there in the first place. We all share responsibility for what happened. We will have to live with that.

     Goodbye Iraq. We have other problems to solve now. Let’s hope we do better.

Tom Durfey

What Will Replace Twitter ?

    If we figure out how to send our thoughts instantly to every other human being. Of course this will bring some problems. Lusting after that new person at work. Their better half will know. So will the lustee. That can lead to disaster.

     On the plus side we will know when someone is trying to con us. Like selling an adjustable rate mortgage. If someone threatens us we’ll know if they really mean it. Right before they punch us in the nose.

     What about dreams ? We can’t control them. they will go out on the telepathic internet too. Think of all the demons that will be released.

     No more movies or tv. As soon as someone comes up with something that is news or entertainment we’ll know right away. No need to down load. We won’t need any blackberries, i-phones or the internet. Everything will be known instantly and be for free.

     What will we do then ?

Tom Durfey

What The Fourth Of July Means To Me

27 more days until August…the rent is overdue…it’s too late to plan a neat vacation…I haven’t put the air conditioners in yet…what do you buy at 4th of July sales…the summer is almost over…I’m not tan enough…I wish I had a convertible…are those gun shots or fireworks…I’m tired of bar-b-ques…do American Indians celebrate…I don’t own an American flag…do I get a better deal if I join the army today…school starts in two months…if I am an illegal alien should I celebrate…what constitutional rights is congress trampling on today…why didn’t my ancestors stay where they were…where were they…should states have a holiday for when they joined the union…did they hold off the Declaration of Independence until the weather was nice…what did they tell the slaves…should there be tougher restrictions for being Miss America, like a brain…why do they charge entrance fees to national parks, who owns them ?

Tom Durfey

Traveling Through The Recession

     For a Days Inn it is a large one. Seven floors each with famous names and drawings of who they are named after. We have stayed here before. The Days Inn sign is on the ground and the hotel is being run by the local Chamber of Commerce. The other couple checking in paid cash. They didn’t have any luggage. They acted like they didn’t know each other. I wonder what was going on ?

     The check in lady told us it takes at least 20 minutes to get hot water. The hotel is empty. It takes a long time for the water to travel through the pipes. The nightclub, bar, pool and restaurant are closed. We used to sit in those things. It’s not the Riviera but it was cheap and we liked it for one night on our way to ssomewhere else.

     The next morning as we checked out my wife, who travels more than I, was talking animatedly, as usual, with the lady behind the desk. The employee told me how wonderful it is to see Mrs. Durfey because she lights the place up. They seemed like old friends. While they talked I wandered off to get some of the free coffee and donuts for the next leg of our trip.

     A touch of humanity brightened our day on the road.

     This happened in Youngstown, Ohio but it could be anywhere.

Tom Durfey

Just My Opinion

Tony Romo dumps Jessica Simpson…The Dallas Cowboys should dump Romo.

Joe Jackson should get the kids…At least he has a plan.

We need a smart Latina like Sonia Sotomayor on the Supreme Court…How about reality for a change ?

Whatever happened to Hillary ?

Read Havana Nocturne by TJ English…How the mob owned Cuba and lost it to the revolution. This very well written book full of sex and gambling explains what US/Cuba relations is all about.

Has President Obama lost the Cubs vote ?

My analog tv works fine. What was all the fuss about ?

I haven’t heard anything about Iran lately. Is everything ok ?

I was worried about health care. I took some meds and now I’m ok.

Did the Somali pirates take the summer off ?

Tom Durfey

Walter Cronkite…That’s The Way He Was

     I met Walter Cronkite a few times and once had the privilege of interviewing him. I was a young anchorman still wet behind the ears. He was doing a book signing at a Barnes and Noble just a few blocks down the street from my apartment. It was a Saturday. I could have had a camera crew meet me there but instead I had taken a camera home and was going to do the interview with me shooting it. The forecast called for heavy rain and I didn’t want to make a crew come out just so I could interview the great man.

     Saturday morning a storm hit town straight out of the Atlantic. I ran down to the bookstore to make sure he had made it. I sloshed through puddles over my ankles as a fierce wind pelted me with rain. The old captain was there. I asked him for an interview and he agreed.

     Back into the storm and up the street to get the camera. Back down the street carrying a large camera and recording deck trying not to fall into the rivers I waded through. I set up the camera and talked to him about sailing. He was a sea lover and that’s what the book was about. When the interview was over I started to pack up my gear when I heard him mumblimg something about sending a reporter out on a shoot and doing his own camera.

     I put the camera back up and asked him to repeat it. He said, ”  With all the money the networks make they should not send a correspondent out and make him shoot his own camera. He has another job to do. A reporter’s job. He has to concentrate on that and not whether the tape is rolling and the audio is there ”.

     I thanked him for the interview and someone took pictures of a very wet young man with his arm around Walter Cronkite.

     I ran the interview on the news. At the end I looked into the camera, knowing my bosses were watching, and said, ” And that’s the way it is ”.

     I met him a few more times through the years. He was older and probably didn’t remember me but he was always friendly and would chat with me for a few minutes. His beautiful wife of many decades told me to shout into his ear because he was hard of hearing now.

     Walter Cronkite was everything a reporter should be. Caring, inquisitive, doing a job he loved as best as he knew how. That’s the Walter Cronkite I knew.

And that’s the way he was.

Tom Durfey

Why There Will Never Be Another Walter Cronkite

     The passing of television news’ greatest anchorman coincides with the death of an institution we have grown up with. Television news anchors in the style of Uncle Walter are dieing too. Last December a report in the New York Times, and similar ones, declared the age of the anchor over. Local tv stations are getting rid of the big salaries that go with the long time anchors who have sat in their chairs for decades. Yes the internet has changed the way we get our news. In many ways it is better then ever. But we are losing the familiarity of that voice that told us what was happening in our world.

     The word ” avuncular ” was used in some obits of Walter Cronkite. It means being helpful and caring towards someone younger. Like being an uncle. Cronkite wasn’t called Uncle Walter for nothing.

     But helpful and caring is not needed anymore. News is too important. We want, need, our news fast. No time to think. Just tell me what I want to know. Excuse me while I check my blackberry.

     Many of today’s most popular news anchors achieve their success by being anything but avuncular. They are controversial, brash and make a point of their opinions. They attract viewers. That is what they are paid for. Walter Cronkite’s opinion on the Viet Nam war told a president he had lost the country and Lyndon Johnson agreed. No anchor could do that today and never will again.

     The television news anchor was a product of the age of television. Television has grown old and so have the anchors it created. The service they provided is just not needed anymore. The qualities they strove for, the calm reasoned voice, the dignity coupled with homey familiarity, the real caring about what they were telling you and how they said it are no longer commodities.

     The age of Walter Cronkite is over. But are we any better for it ?

Tom Durfey

Is Obama Finished ?

     I hate to think so and it is too early to tell but he is definitely in the toughest spot of what has been one amazing political run. From community organizer to state senator to U.S. Senator through the presidential campaign to the White House Obama has beaten all the odds and come out on top. But is the tide turning ?

     His poll numbers are not where they were. That is to be expected after seven months on the job. He had a lot of support to lose with all the different political segments of the electorate viewing him favorably. But the numbers are dropping fast. Many republicans have gone back into their hole of right wing religious fervor. Independents are drifting away. Some democrats led by governors are saying no to his health care plan. Governors are more attuned to the electorate because they can’t hide in Washington.

     Even some on the left are pulling back. They are criticizing the President for trying to do too much. The economic bailout fund has hundreds of billions of dollars that hasn’t even been spent. The deficit is growing alarmingly. Companies that were bailed out are showing profits again and I haven’t heard so much as a thank you. The stock market has shot to it’s highest level since November but unemployment continues to rise and will surely go over 10 percent and very likely higher.

     Some of Obama’s appointments to key positions have gone and others are under attack. Sonia Sotomayor is a smart woman who has already learned the Washington game of don’t let anyone catch you or pin you down. People who allowed the economy to crash are now trying to fix their own mistakes while working in Obama’s administration.

     Did we hope too much ? I hope not.

Tom Durfey

Just My Opinion

If you have health insurance you are not worried…If you don’t you’re worried sick.

Michael Jackson hasn’t been buried…tickets go on sale Monday.

Blue dog democrats…emphasis on dogs.

More people watched so you think you can dance than Obama’s health care press conference…this is good news for Sarah Palin.

I broke into my own home and someone called the cops…they let me go after determining there was nothing worth stealing.

Is liposuction covered in the new health plan ?

The Dow closed above 9,000 for the first time since January…I guess they don’t count 401 k’s.

YouTube is socialism on television.

Something has to be done about politicians who don’t cheat on their wives.

Republicans are the loyal opposition…they loyally oppose everything.

Congress is going on summer break…I’ve already ordered the video ” politicians go wild ”.

Tom Durfey

Why I Believe In Social Profiling

I like my bartender to be Irish.

My cab driver Pakistani.

The deli Jewish.

My wife is a cracker.

My best friend is Dominican.

Italian food is my favorite.

The smartest person I know is Asian.

A friend of mine is in a wheelchair and does triathlons.

The prettiest girl at work is from India.

Our dog is a mutt.

Me and the Greek I buy gyros from are the only ones who know how to pronounce it.

The longest married couple I know are gay.

My brother and his wife celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. His ex wife through the party.

My laundry is Chinese.

Jamaicans have the nicest accents.

Russians can drink me under the table.

I only buy Japanese electronics.

You can be anything in California and nobody cares.

New Yorkers give the best directions.

Older people are smarter than young people.

The parade of athletes at the Special Olympics swells my heart.

Blind people are more observant than the rest of us.

Poor people always share what they have.

My President is black.

Ain’t America Great ? !!!

Tom Durfey

Sarah Palin’s A Nut Job

     Sarah is one dizzy lady. I usually don’t talk about women like that but I am making her an exception. I take personally what she said about the press. ” What could and should be an honored profession…democracy depends on you. That’s why our troops are ready to die for you…so how about in honor of the American soldier ya’ quit making things up ”.

     All of us don’t make things up. With someone like Sarah you don’t have to. The truth is embarrassing enough. All this dummy can do is fan the flames of hatred. ” It’s us against them ! ” and hope like minded stupid, bigoted people get on board.

     Sarah Palin is the one who is a disgrace to democracy. She panders to the disenfranchised ( sorry for using that big word Sarah, look it up ) and their worst emotions because she doesn’t have anything worthwhile to say. It’s a lot easier to criticize then come up with solutions.

     She has taken her family and paraded them before the media she hates for her own political ambitions. Thanks mom ! She even has the nerve to use our soldiers. They are mine too Sarah. Her platform is to tear down not to build up.

     She loves the spotlight but doesn’t have anything to offer except pitting Americans against each other. Sarah Palin is the devil’s political avatar. A nice face that spews hatred and division.

     I’m glad she has removed herself as a distraction, which is all she is, as governor. Alaskans deserve better. So do the other lower 48 states and Hawaii.

     Go back where you came from Sarah. If they’ll take you.

Tom Durfey

Why We Have To Have Health Care

We are Americans.

We don’t leave our dead and wounded on the battlefield.

When the ship sinks it’s women and children first.

We run into burning buildings to get get people out.

We help old people across the street.

We give our seats to pregnant women.

We help our neighbors.

We give rides to hitch hikers.

If a store clerk gives us too much change we tell them.

We stop and help motorists in trouble.

If we see a little kid alone and crying we try to help.

We check on the elderly when disaster strikes.

We open doors for the physically challenged.

We take care of our parents and grandparents.

We carpool.

We volunteer.

We love our country.

We Are Americans

Who Wee Wee-ed On Obama’s Mojo ?

     Critics are now saying that the cash for clunkers program is an example of how the Obama health care reform will work. Inefficient, cost underestimated and a failure. Dealers haven’t been paid the 45 hundred dollar rebate. It’s only been 30 days guys. It’s not like waiting for Christmas.

     The cash for clunkers program didn’t work for us. We took my wife’s 1995 Saturn in to get the rebate and a brand new more fuel efficient car. The salesman told us her 1995 Saturn didn’t qualify because it didn’t meet the definition for a clunker. It gets good gas mileage. Is that fair ? We don’t qualify for this socialist government hand out program because my wife was ahead of her time in fuel efficiency ? She’s been saving the planet every time she gets in the Saturn for 14 years !

     I have a torn rotator cuff from not acting my age in the gym. My primary doctor sent me to a specialist. I have good health care coverage from my employer. But because they don’t take my insurance they told me it would be $250 for a consultation and after that ” we can work something out ”. Work something out ? At least the car salesman was honest.

     People in congress say health care reform would be too costly and inefficient. People in congress fly around in private jets to foreign countries that we pay for. They are the problem in government. They also have good health care. They always go to Walter Reed Army hospital  for liposuction and throw some veteran out of a bed.

     Obama is saying there is something about August going into September where everybody in Washington gets all wee wee-ed up and some are saying he lost his mojo.

     At least our 1995 Saturn still has it’s mojo.

Tom Durfey

LBJ And Obama

Afghanistan is Obama’s war now. At the same time he is trying to overhaul health care. And Lyndon Johnson’s ghost walks in the White House.

LBJ on appointing one of his worst critics, FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover to his cabinet…” I’d rather have the son of a bitch inside the tent pissing out, then outside the tent pissing in ! .

Lyndon had a way with words. He knew how to use his critics. Except for the millions marching in the streets for civil rights and against the Viet Nam war.

He gave health care, Medicare and Medicaid to the old and needy. He made college affordable for those who couldn’t. He signed the civil rights bill that gave millions the most basic of all rights, the right to vote.

Johnson knew he was beat. He did not to run for re-election. A few short years later he died.

Barack Obama is not Lyndon Johnson. The comparisons being made today are not fair. Not fair to Obama. And not fair to Johnson.

They are totally different men in totally different times. Johnson hid the real cost of the war. He was the master of back room politics and a terrible speaker. He played a new game but by the old rules, his, and he lost.

Obama has all the traits that Johnson didn’t. But they do have one thing in common. They wanted America to fulfill it’s promise for all Americans.

Say a prayer for both. The one who can and the one who failed.

Tom Durfey

The Dog Days Of Obama

     I’m not talking about Bo the White House dog. He’s probably going to enjoy a week at Martha’s Vineyard more than anyone. His health care plan is to wear a flea collar.

     Obama is getting heat and it ain’t the humidity. It was bound to happen. The honeymoon is over. His poll numbers are down. His health care plan is getting attacked from republicans and democrats. Damned if you do the public option and damned if you don’t.

     What did you expect ? Obama doesn’t walk on water. As much as some would like him to and others would applaud if he drowned. Time for a healthy dose of reality. Who said change comes easy. The republicans smell Waterloo. This is their chance to stop Obama. They are pulling out all the big guns, all they have left anyway. Even liberal democrats are threatening not to vote for health care reform if they don’t get their beloved public option.

     Politics is a tough game. Don’t go in the kitchen if you can’t stand the heat. If the democrats don’t pass a health care reform bill there won’t be another chance for a long time. Mid term elections are next year and the party in power always loses seats in congress. Obama is not going to have the votes that he has now. Don’t make the mistake the Clinton’s did. Bill vowed that if they didn’t get a health care plan covering all Americans he wouldn’t sign it. A health care reform bill never got to his desk.

     Pass something now. If the Clinton’s hadn’t been so rigid we would have had some form of health care reform 15 years ago. By now all Americans would be covered. Get something done. Pass a bill even if it doesn’t have everything everyone wants. Just get the door open. Once Americans see that health care reform is possible, that their is life without insurance companies, the change will come. Not as fast as we want, but it will be a start.

” A time of war…a time of peace ”    Ecclesiastes 3:8

” A time to fish…and a time to cut bait ”   President John Kennedy

Tom Durfey

Watching A Kennedy Funeral On TV Again

    It brings back memories of 1963 when the first president to capture the image of a new age and generation on television was buried on it. When Michael Jackson died it seemed natural that we would be given around the clock coverage to an event like that. But John Kennedy was the first.

     When Jack Ruby sent a bullet into Lee Harvey Oswald’s gut the phones rang as people relayed the news. It was a primitive version of twitter, the telephone. The message was short. That bastard just got his.

     When John-John saluted the caisson carrying his murdered father’s body we all cried when we thought our tears had dried up.

     Bobby and Teddy in those mourning suits arm in arm with Jackie walking behind the casket through the streets of D.C.

     There was no internet, cable, i-phones, texting, 24 hour news channels, blogs or tweets.

     There was Walter Cronkite.

Tom Durfey

Mau Mauing The Colored Folks At The Reverse Racism Lunch Counter Sit In

     I sat in, loved in, be in, lay in and did all those ” in ” demonstrations long ago. For peace, equality, justice and all the other reasons we went somewhere and refused to leave. I never thought I would do it again. But I did.

     I was staying in a hotel in a major American city in a neighborhood that shall remain anonymous. Across the street was a 24 hour diner where I went for breakfast. I sat at the lunch counter.

     A few African Americans sitting at the counter got up and moved to tables. A black waitress glared at me. I asked for some coffee. She walked away without saying anything and told a Spanish bus boy who was stacking dirty dishes to get me some coffeee. He got a cup and put it in front of me and walked away.

     I asked another black waitress for some cream and sugar. She went and told the bus boy to get me some cream and sugar. I asked another waitress for a menu and she shot back, ” Are you going to eat breakfast ? ”. I told her I would decide after seeing the menu. She reached behind her, grabbed a menu, threw it across the counter at me and walked away.

     Check out Tom Wolfe’s essay Mau Mauing the Flak Catchers. It’s about black people giving white bureaucrats a hard time. I realized I was in the reverse situation and decided to go with it. I had sat in before but always for another reason, another cause. Now it was my cause. I opted to Mau mau.

     I opened up a USA Today I brought from the hotel. There was a full page add for Harley Davidson with big letters saying This Is A Free Country. I laid it out on the counter next to me.

     The bus boy came and took my order. None of the waitresses would. I think it was the first time he ever waited on someone. I told him what I wanted to eat. He brought two fried eggs, toast, hash browns and corned beef hash. No salt, pepper ot ketchup in front of me. The dance continued between me, the waitresses and the bus boy. I asked a waitress for something, they told the bus boy to get it.

     I ate in silence. No one would talk to me and the bus boy’s english was limited.

     After finishing my meal I put a heavy tip in the hand of the bus boy and said that’s for you.  He had no reaction. I paid the bill at the cash register which had a big picture of Barack Obama over it. I turned around, pointed to the picture and said in a loud voice to everyone while smiling, ” I voted for him ”. Then I left.

     I am not bothered by what happened. My liberal guilt told me I had it coming. Maybe I did. But I am glad I reacted the way I did. What goes around comes around. Bigotry is an equal opportunity employer, it doesn’t discriminate against race, gender or status.

     Anyone can be biased. I was thrown out of places because I had long hair. I have been insulted down south because I am from the north. People in the midwest have been rude to me because I am from back east. A native American once spent an evening insulting me because I am a white man. I was arrested down south, thrown in jail and beaten up. I have been chased out of housing projects in big cities because I am white.

     On April 8, 1953 in Kenya, Africa Jomo Kenyatta was sentenced to 7 years hard labor for his role in the Mau Mau rebellion against British rule. He served 6. He was elected President of Kenya a few years later. His slogan was Harambee ! That’s Swahili for ” Let’s All Pull Together ”.

Harambee !

     Tom Durfey

Sarah Palin To Speak In Hong Kong

     Sarah is going to Hong Kong to be the keynote speaker at a conference of investors, fund managers and bigwigs of the financial world. swiftpolitics has obtained a copy of her speech. Here is the transcript.

     Hey y’all, or should I say banzai ! It’s great to be here in little ole HoKo ! I haven’t been this close to Russia since I stood on the front porch of my home in Alaska ! I ain’t wearing my boots because you guys are so short I could eat soup off your heads ! How about that yen huh ? When you’re hankerin’ for some money that’s the way to invest.

     I want you to know I can relate to Chang the plumber. He puts those egg rolls and fried rice on the floor, I know you don’t have tables, for his family to chow on. A hard working guy who doesn’t let those slanty eyes blur his vision. He takes care of his little family, the little lady, the little bean sprouts, hell all you guys are little !

     He doesn’t want government telling him how to spend his money. He’s got a chicken in every wok and a rickshaw in every garage. And grandma Chang doesn’t have to worry about death squads, She’s too busy running that ole’ family laundry.  

     Now everybody’s mad at Wall Street for screwing the little guys, and I mean little, know what I mean ? You betcha ! He gets up off the floor every morning, you guys don’t have much furniture do ya ? And rides his little bike to the sweat shop and sews those sweat pants that the first dude loves to wear around the house. If it says made in Hong Kong on it you betcha it’s in Wal Mart !

     I like the way you kill all those fish and eat ‘em. I’m looking to shoot a whale while I’m here ! Those big suckers will be committing hari kari when they see me coming.

     I know you think all life is sacred. That’s why there’s so many of you suckers.

     If you ain’t driving a Toyota don’t park your gas guzzling Chevy here !

     Well I gotta say sayanara now. The sun’s settin in the west just like it should. Me and the dude are gonna put on our kimonos and snuggle up on a mat on the floor and get some shut eye. Ya know it just takes us a little longer then you to shut our eyes !

You betcha !

Obama…Get Out Of Afghanistan

     Let’s go back to the beginning. This was the good war. The one that actually went after the evil people who attacked us on 9/11. Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda were holed up in Afghanistan protected by the Taliban who ruled the country.  But that is not the case now. Bin Laden is hiding in Pakistan according to most intelligence reports, probably in the Swat Valley where all the fighting is going on. The Taliban was deposed but they are still fighting in Afghanistan trying to regain control.

     The reason we went into Afghanistan has MOVED ! We are now fighting the Taliban who live in Afghanistan and want to take it back. The Taliban did not attack the U.S. They gave safe haven to those who did. The Taliban is fighting us for their country.

     Our efforts should be bringing to justice those who attacked us. They are not in Afghanistan any more. Why waste American lives and resources to prop up another dictatorship which is all the so called government of Afghanistan is. President Hamid Karzai is accused of rigging the recent elections. Afghanistan is the world’s major supplier of heroin.

     Our fight is with Al Qaeda. If they continue to move we should follow them like a hound from hell. Leave Afghanistan alone with their problems that they are more concerned about then fighting the U.S.

     We need to immediately start withdrawing from Afghanistan. It is time to focus on the evil ones who attacked us and bring justice to those who died on September 11th.

Tom Durfey

Afghanistan…The Real Waterloo ?

     As President Obama focuses on health care a problem that could eclipse it is growing. Afghanistan is starting to look like a quagmire. Yeah, that’s the term that was applied to Viet Nam. Why are we pouring troops into a foreign country with no end in sight ? What are the objectives ? It is costing billions of dollars that could be used at home. What is the plan to get out ? Is there one ?

     There is rumbling among Obama’s advisers. Vic President Joe Biden, older then most of them, remembers he lesson of Viet Nam. He is against sending more troops. Defense Secretary Robert Gates has reservations about sending more troops.

     Gates was a member of the Iraq study group that in 2006 recommended a phased withdrawal from Iraq. Gates knows the dangers of waging war with no plan to finish it. Gates carries weight. He was director of the CIA under President George H.W. Bush and worked for ” the agency ” for 26 years. He knows the lesson of not having a strategy.

     Are we fighting a war we cannot win ? One of Obama’s main reasons when he began to run for President was that we should get out of Iraq. Now he has his own war. I believe he will do the right thing but no President wants to lose a war.

     It’s time to take a hard look at what our objectives are in Afghanistan.

Tom Durfey

Things To Do On Labor Day

Ask stores if items on sale for Labor Day will be discounted on Tuesday. Ask a lifeguard where the rip currents are.

Ask someone if you can borrow some charcoal for a barbeque.

If you are at the beach ask the host for more sand in your hamburger.

Things to say at a Labor Day party…I wonder what the poor people are doing ? Nice tan, you’ve got the 3 warning signs of skin cancer. Your silicone breast implants are sagging. Do you always wear socks with sandals ? My 401 k is doing great how’s yours ? I wonder why they call those muscle shirts ?

Bring Big Macs to a picnic. Wear sunglasses if you go to a movie.

Go for a drive when traffic is bad. If you get caught in a traffic jam roll down your window and ask directions.

If you are at a buffet keep sneezing on everything.

Ask someone if Obama’s health care plan covers sexually transmitted diseases.

Stand by the garbage can and ask people for their left overs.

Tell your in-laws you don’t need a GPS system when your wife is in the car.

If a crowd is watching a football game tell them you want to see the U.S. Tennis Open.

Find a job.

Losing The News by Alex S. Jones…The Future of the News That Feeds Democracy

     Alex S. Jones has ink in his blood. His family owns the Greeneville Sun in Tennessee so he grew up in a newspaper household. He has won the Pulitzer Prize and is an author. Jones has creds and heft. He’s also a heck of a writer.

     In his new book Losing The News he examines journalism’s past, present and future. It is an enlightening read for anyone interested in the hard core of news values and why it is so important in democracy.  He examines what has happened to this hard core, which he likens to a dense heavy cannonball. Jones talks about how this cannonball is being eroded on the inside.

     He also looks to the future and the possibilities of the web performing the same function of reporting the news that is essential, weather it be a home town zoning board meeting to foreign affairs. Jones describes the need for the kind of reporting that many feel could be lost, what will happen if we lose it, and points the way to how we can save it.

     If you are interested in Journalism on the internet and what it has the potential to become, and why it is so necessary that we preserve that old cannonball, read this book. 

Tom Durfey

Why We Need Death Panels

I believe death panels are needed to deal with the following problems.

People who carry guns to town hall meetings.

Drivers who cut you off. People who don’t bag their own groceries and make you wait while the cashier does it.

People who remark, ” and what was the other thing I was going to say ”.

People who buy velvet paintings with lights. Men who wear courdoroy suits.

Anybody with a bumper stcker you don’t like. Anybody who says, ” I’m glad you asked that ”.

People who pull up to drive through windows and don’t know what they want.

Women who can’t find anything in their purse. Men who put all their loose change on the dresser.

Anyone who doesn’t give their seat on a bus to a pregnant woman or senior citizen.

Bike riders who don’t obey traffic laws. Pedestrians who don’t cross at the corner.

Someone who doesn’t vote giving their political opinion  .

Men who do a comb over. Women who go out in public with hair curlers on their head.

People with bad taste who buy things we have to look at.

Couples who speak to each other in schmoozie talk.

Tom Durfey

Ten Ways To Avoid The Swine Flu

1)   No Hollywood buzz the cheek kissing. It spreads germs and you look like a jerk.

2)   Sneeze in the party dip and no one else will touch it.

3)   At a party pass out paper face masks.

4)   Before shaking hands offer them a hand sanitizer.

5)   Wear a t shirt that says all employees must wash their hands.

6)   Tell people you are a pig farmer.

7)   Wear a hazmat suit on Halloween.

8)   If you buy a newspaper take it from the bottom of the pile.

9)   Tell your friends you just got back from Mexico.

10)  Wear a pig nose.

Just What We Needed…Gordon Gekko

     He’s back ! Michael Douglas reprises his oscar winning role of the Wall Street financier we hate to love. Gordo gets out of prison just as the generation he inspired is going in or sitting on their failed empire wondering what went wrong. The masters of the universe have come down to earth.

     Or have they ? The stock market is approaching it’s level before the recession began a year ago. Million dollar bonuses will be going out again. Mistresses are abandoning the strip club poles and calling their old boy friends back.

     We don’t need pundits to tell us the recession has bottomed out. At least for them.

     Ordinary Americans are still paying the price and will be for a long time. Unemployment continues to rise, while economists tell us the worst is over. Homes are still being lost while the same economists point with pride to the recent increase in home sales.

     ” You Lie ! ”, to borrow a phrase from South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson. Greed is not good. Sorry Mister Gekko. While you swagger out of prison and marvel at the cheap mansions up for sale along with the corporate jets and Cayman Islands bank accounts just like you left them others are looking at a bleak future with no end in sight.

     No Gordon Gekko for me. I can’t wait until the new Sherlock Holmes movie comes out. At least he always comes up with a solution.

     ” Elementary dear Gekko, elementary ”.

Tom Durfey

Obama On Wall Street…Do More Mister President

     President Obama delivered a strong message today when he went to ground zero of the recession. He told financial institutions to change their ways. But did they listen ? I doubt it. They are already giving out the six figure bonuses again and are showing no signs of having learned a lesson.

     Why should they ? They liked the taxpayer bailout. If anything this gives them a reason to go back to their same old ways. Obama invited them to participate in coming up with new regulations to curb their excess. That is like giving a dog a bone and telling him not to chew it.

     Wall Street should be allowed to participate in discussions to regulate their industry, but that’s it. Whatever comes out of that discussion should make it plain they can’t go back to their old ways. Tough new regulations, procedures, complete transparency, a watchdog to make sure they follow them and heavy fines and jail time if they don’t.

     Steroids are banned in baseball, not that it matters much. When the pull of fame and fortune makes humans perform irresponsibility something has to be done. How about banning a crooked investor for life ? The punishment has to fit the crime. We all know what Wall Street did to us the last time.

     Never again !

Tom Durfey

Someone Strikes Wall Street Where It Hurts

     Hurray for Judge Jed Rakoff ! While elected officials, including President Obama, may have forgotten the excess of Wall Street that led to the recession now that Wall Street, but not Main Street, feels the economic crisis is over, old Jed threw a thunderbolt at three of the prime criminals, the Securities and Exchange Commission, Bank of America and Merrill Lynch.

     The S.E.C agreed recently to drop a lawsuit against Bank of America, who gobbled up Merill, for a settlement of 33 million bucks. With the recession costing us over a trillion dollars 33 million was chump change. Rakoff said no way and ordered them to go to trial. Joltin’ Jed said the S.E.C didn’t do it’s job of regulating financial institutions like B.O.A and Merill and he wants them to go to court so a more fair price can be paid to stockholders and taxpayers who Jed says were the real losers. Stockholders who sank their savings into a supposedly solid company and got wiped out and taxpayer money was used to bail out B.O.A.

     Rakoff is now raking them over the coals. Jed says Washington and the S.E.C are guilty for not stopping the practices of companies like Merrill and letting Bank Of America off the hook with a parking ticket. Jed says this is not only unjust but morally wrong so he’s rejecting the deal they hatched and sending them back to court.

     Obama’s speech to Wall Street Monday wasn’t tough enough. See yesterday’s blog. Now Judge Jed hits them where it hurts.

     Thanks Jed for being a spark of hope in one of our branches of government.

Tom Durfey

Patrick Swayze…A Guy’s Guy

     I first became aware of Patrick Swayze when my daughter constantly watched Dirty Dancing. I knew my little girl was growing up. She never came close to marrying a guy like that but she had a dream, a dream of a young girl coming of age. I will always remember Patrick Swayzee for that.

     In Ghost he showed how a guy could be tough, cool and still sensitive. Guys don’t come close to that too often. Patrick Swayzee also showed he was strong. He battled cancer to the end and it could not stop him from doing what he wanted. Very tough indeed.

     Swayze separated his life from his job as an actor. He had his problems but he dealt with them without inviting the public to watch the struggle. Until the end. Then he showed us how to die with dignity and he still looked cool.

     A man’s man ? Nah. He was too cool, hip and real to hang that old moniker on him. I’m sure my daughter, and thousands of other young ladies who ever had a crush, a dream and a guy who would dance them off their feet have a little sorrow and a little sweet spot in their hearts today for Patrick Swayze.

    So do I. Patrick Swayze was a guy’s guy.

Tom Durfey

Why The Recession Isn’t Over For Me

It’s gotten worse my unemployment ran out.

My wife was the last ”girl’ to stop going to ”girls night out”. She got tired of drinking alone.

My public health option is giving up smoking.

Family night out is packing up our guns and going to a town hall meeting on health care reform.

Our car was turned down for the cash for clunkers program.

We owe a lot of money to those ”get-u-out-of-debt now” folks.

I asked them for a job because I have a lot of experience telling people over the phone ”I’m broke”.

I’m trying to get some money from the government for having a ”totally green eco friendly” house.

We have no electricity, oil, gas, propane, wood, heat, lights, computers, tv’s, radios, any kinds of phones or any, i-pods, texting, mail delivery, heat, running water and we only eat what we grow in the garden. How ”GREEEEEN” is that !!!!!

I’m not saying I’m depressed but I would probably ask to be judged by a ”death panel”.

My sister-in-law went to donate ”organs”. Her husband’s.

We told the kids they are adopted and legally they have to leave now.

Tom Durfey

Peter Paul and Mary

     Mary Travers was the first girl I had a crush on. Blowin in the wind was one of the first songs I learned to play on guitar and I heard them do it before Dylan. When Peter Paul and Mary appeared on tv I told my father with lust in my heart, ” She had long blond hair down to her waist but they made her cut it ”.  Having two older brothers my dad had seen youthful passion before and just rolled his eyes.

     A few years later when Peter Paul and Mary broke up their solo albums came out  with their individual names on them. Arraigned next to each other on record store shelves they read Peter (for Peter Yarrow) Paul (for Paul Stookey) hers said And Mary. Even though I now had an electric guitar and was into the Byrds, Buffalo Springfield and other icons of rock I still thought she looked pretty hot.

     Mary Travers actually grew up in Greenwich Village. She lived across from the Gaslight a folk music club. Mary was there when it all started to come down. She participated in civil rights and anti war demonstrations.

     Mary lived in Redding, Connecticut where I often go because they have a good music scene. I read in the paper her daughter lives in my town. I never knew them put I feel good I have some connection to the first love of my life now that she has passed on.

     Did I tell you Mary had long blond hair down to her waist but they made her cut it ?

Tom Durfey

What Obama Must Say About Health Care Today

     It’s going to be Obama Rama on the political talk shows this morning. President Obama is making the rounds to push health care reform. Here’s what he has to say.

     We need to reform a system that costs too much money and is not providing enough bang for our buck. That’s it in a nutshell. We spend more on health care than any other country in the world and what do we get for it ? Squat. Americans are saving now like they haven’t in years. We aren’t spending a lot either. That is the over whelming mood of the country. Don’t spend money save it.

     If Obama can get across the point that reforming health care is the financially smart thing to do this whole debate is over. Forget the public option, for now, and everything else conservatives are throwing at health care reform. If Obama can show it will save $$$ than people will support it.

     The latest cnn poll has Obama with a 55% approval rating. If he makes his case today he can still save this thing. Republicans are saying if he loses it will be his Waterloo. Well if he wins they look like Napoleon and off they go even farther into exile.

     Give the public something they can take to the bank Mr. President. Savings. Money in the pocket and less costs to worry about

Tom Durfey

Highlights of Sunday Morning TV Programs With Obama

Health Care…I’m not breaking through to American people…I have to step up my game…Health care reform must be good for middle class…We must have an exchange they can buy into…must be deficit neutral…drive down health care inflation…if it’s not a good deal for everyone I won’t sign it…left does not like curbing medical malpractice costs or a cap but we need it. 

Public Option…It should be part of it but it is no silver bullet…if it’s affordable people will buy health care no matter what the option is…it should be mandatory to have health insurance like like automobile insurance…

Afghanistan…the goal is to get Al Qaida who killed 3,000 Americans…no deadline to withdraw but not indefinite…we had a review before Afghan elections are are reviewing it after…there are election issues…as commander in chief I have to be a skeptic when I am sending men and women into harm’s way…I have to answer to their families…we have to have the right strategy first before we decide if we need more troops.

Media…anything outrageous gets on tv…what we are proposing gets strong responses…be rude and  you get on tv…common sense is not getting coverage.

Race…former President Carter says people attack you because you are black…this is not about race but the role of government…this has been debated since Jefferson and Jackson…we must balance freedom and the role of government.

World Series…White Sox have not been mathematically eliminated…St. Louis is coming on strong…the Yankees will be hard to beat.

Tom Durfey

Obama Gets Tough In Local Politics

     President Obama is playing tough politics locally. He is extending his long arms into states to try and influence the outcome of the elections in 2010. There’s a lot at stake. The party that controls the White House usually losses seats in congress in off year elections. Obama doesn’t want that to happen.

     Take New York. He sent the White House political director straight to Governor Paterson to tell him not to run for re-election. The first black President telling New York’s first black governor he can’t win so stand down. I won’t go into specifics but Paterson asked for it. He is an accidental governor thanks to Governor Elliot Spitzers peccadilloes with hookers. Paterson has made such a mess of things most democrats in New York don’t want him to run too.

     Obama has taken a similar, if more low key, approach in other states. Another factor in his involvement is to get as many democrats elected for the 2010 census. That’s when states will redraw their districts favoring the party in power. It’s called ”gerrymandering”. That’s drawing districts that look like spilled milk so their candidates have a better chance of winning.

     The stakes are high. Control of congress and state governments. Obama has a lot of good will and support behind him. He is using the power of the presidency to do what the people elected him to do.

     Republicans do the same thing. Remember Karl Rove’s declaration that he wanted to ensure a generation of republican rule ?

     I’ll take Obama over Rove any day.

Tom Durfey

Obama…UN…Afghanistan…Health Care…A Report Card

They are all related in President Obama’s approach to them. Give a little, take a little, keep talking even when they don’t listen, be ready to change strategy and get the best deal you can.

UN…Obama reached out to Russia and scrapped Bush’s European missile defense plan they objected to. He is replacing it with a new strategy more attuned to the threat of nukes from Iran. Iran’s leader says he will meet reconciliation with reconciliation. Cheaper and more effective for us. Russia likes it. A plus. 

Middle East…He talked with both Israel and Palestine leaders. No breakthrough on Israel settlements but at least they are talking and not shooting each other. Israel’s leader accepts idea of Palestinian state even though he doesn’t like to talk about it. C Plus.

Afghanistan…Generals want more troops. Obama re-thinking strategy. VP Joe Biden pushing for less troops and concentrating on Al Qaida and Pakistan. President is listening. B.

Health Care…GOP doesn’t like compromise plan because they won’t compromise. Obama has angered some liberals. It appears something will pass but not what everyone wants. B Plus.

Candidate Obama said he would try to bring opposite sides together. He has tried. No miracles but he is making progress just by getting opposing sides to talk and listen. B Plus.

These are better marks than I ever got.

Tom Durfey

Another Web Nail In The Coffin Of CBS News

     CBS News is partnering with the internet site www.globalpost.com to get it’s overseas news. I believe it is a first for one of the major networks to align them selves to a web site not their own. I also believe it’s another round won by the web in replacing network news. CBS, ABC and NBC have cut their foreign bureaus so much are there any left ? Apparently not.

     CBS News became the newsleader in the U.S. back in the 1940′s because of Edward R. Murrow. He spearheaded foreign news during World War II with the World News Roundup. With Robert Trout tossing it to Murrow in London Ed spoke with CBS correspondents scattered around Europe who became known as ” Murrow’s Boys ”. The World Round UP continues today on CBS radio and is the longest running newscast on tv or radio.

     Gone now are the dashing network correspondents in trench coats and fedora hats with unfiltered cigarettes dangling from their lips that asked the tough questions that needed to be answered. The lone reporters sneaking through foreign cities like secret agents always in danger of being thrown out or worse and filing their reports on telephones to the world. One of them was Walter Cronkite who worked for the United Press.

     Globalpost is a very good place to get foreign news. Subscribers include the New York Daily News, the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, Stars and Stripes (yeah the armed forces don’t have foreign correspondents anymore either) and now they have added CBS News, the once premiere news network.

     Ed and Walter and ” the boys ” must be turning over in their graves. They will soon have some more company, network news as we know it.

Tom Durfey

CBS News is partnering with the internet site www.globalpost.com to get it’s overseas news. I believe it is a first for one of the major networks to align them selves to a web site not their own. I also believe it’s another round won by the web in replacing network news. CBS, ABC and NBC have cut their foreign bureaus so much are there any left ? Apparently not.

     CBS News became the newsleader in the U.S. back in the 1940′s because of Edward R. Murrow. He spearheaded foreign news during World War II with the World News Roundup. With Robert Trout tossing it to Murrow in London Ed spoke with CBS correspondents scattered around Europe who became known as ” Murrow’s Boys ”. The World Round UP continues today on CBS radio and is the longest running newscast on tv or radio.

     Gone now are the dashing network correspondents in trench coats and fedora hats with unfiltered cigarettes dangling from their lips that asked the tough questions that needed to be answered. The lone reporters sneaking through foreign cities like secret agents always in danger of being thrown out or worse and filing their reports on telephones to the world. One of them was Walter Cronkite who worked for the United Press.

     Globalpost is a very good place to get foreign news. Subscribers include the New York Daily News, the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, Stars and Stripes (yeah the armed forces don’t have foreign correspondents anymore either) and now they have added CBS News, the once premiere news network.

     Ed and Walter and ” the boys ” must be turning over in their graves. They will soon have some more company, network news as we know it.

Tom Durfey

The Most Dangerous Man In Journalism

     ” Media companies produce shit ”. Michael Wolff says that. His news aggregator sight is www.newser.com. Wolff is fighting a battle against the established news media. He is also part of it. A two time National Magazine Award winner. He is a columnist for Vanity Fair and an author. He has the creds.

     ” The collapse of newspapers and the slow death of broadcast news have not meant the death of the news market, but rather a flight of consumers to other news platforms.” Wolff means the internet. Newser gives you all the latest up to date news and a lot more.

     Wolff has his critics. A lot of them. This is from Mark Cuban who can be found at www.blogmaverick.com .

” I may read Newser but I don’t do business with newser. If some company out there entices me into a relationship with them that I consider valuable enough to pay for, and the company happens to bundle in a news source that I think is even close to Newser…I am going to use the resource I pay for more than those I don’t. ”

     That is one of the slams against Wolff. His web site is free. Where he gets the stuff he puts in it is another question.

     I am a paid journalist and have been for most of my life. If I had been doing something other than reporting and analyzing the news I would be making a lot more money than I am now. But that’s okay. I am doing what I love and maybe sometimes it’s worthwhile.

     Wolff’s detractors, the majority of them journalists like me, are furious that he gives the news away for nothing. I do to. Your are reading my blog. I enjoy this blog as much as the work I am paid for much, to my wife’s dismay. But she knows news is what I do. She just wishe I got paid for it. So do I. That is the main point of Wolff’s critics and it is a very good point as Mark Cuban points out.

     But I agree that the future of news is on the internet. Journalism goes through cycles like everything else. Most of my colleagues put up with the net with a lot of reservations. I believe it is the future of Journalism.

     But without the standards that journalists hold dear it is worthless and will die as most worthless things do.

Tom Durfey

     follow swiftpolitics on twitter for new blogs. It’s free.

Public Health Options That Will Save You Money

Call your pharmacist ” Doc ”. They treat you nice.

Forget medicare. Insist your kid goes to medical school.

If someone sneezes on you pretend to pass out and someone will call an ambulance. You’ll get a complete check up at the emergency room.

Use a cain. People open doors for you and it’s a weapon if  you get mugged.

If you need a band aid use tape and a paper napkin.

Ask your neighbor every day if you can borrow an aspirin.

Fall down the steps at city hall.

Ask for a doggie bag at all you can eat buffets.

Order martinis with extra lemon twists and olives.

Drink plenty of water at public fountains.

Take showers and use bathrooms at the YMCA and steal the towels and soap.

Take a lot of salt, pepper, sugar, plastic forks, knives, spoons,cups, plates and anything else from fast food restaurants. Napkins too. They have many purposes. Ask a senior citizen, my dad was an expert on this.

Bum cigarettes off strangers.

If you get lung problems stop smoking.

Tom Durfey

Letterman’s Lapse Is A Laugh

David Letterman had affairs with staff members before he was married. A prominent CBS News producer tries to blackmail the late night host. Producer lives with Letterman’s long time assistant Stephanie Birkitt who has appeared many times on Letterman’s show. Producer gets caught.

Are we really shocked ? Kanye West grabbing the MTV award from Taylor Swift and ranting about Beyonce’s video being better. Chris Brown assaulting Rihanna. Russ Limbaugh downs illegal prescription drugs. The list goes on.

We all enjoy a good snicker when someone famous is taken down a peg. Yeah they had it coming. But as Clint Eastwood’s character said in Unforgiven, ” We all got it coming kid ”.

Letterman’s trysts belong on stupid dog tricks. Not on the front page of the NY Times where it is today. Letterman is already the butt of jokes from fellow comedians. He is enjoying his highest ratings in years. I’m sure Monday night Letterman’s ratings will soar. Then they will drop a little as the world moves on to more pressing things like the next youtube sensation.

Over half a million Americans lost their jobs last month. We have other things to worry about.

Tom Durfey

Why I Bought A Jack LaLanne Juicer

I like to make a mess in the kitchen.

It makes a great cocktail.

I found the fruits and vegetable section at the supermarket.

Jack LaLanne is 95 years old and looks better me. Maybe this will help.

It’s cheaper then a membership at the gym.

I can drink something and not worry about the damage I’m doing to myself.

I put a water bottle with the juice in it at the cafeteria at work and nobody steals it.

I got it at cosco cheaper then the price on tv.

Mrs. LaLanne is the Megan Fox of her generation.

The kids won’t drink the stuff I make.

It gets all the seeds and stems out of marijuana.

Tom Durfey

Meet The Press…Face The Nation…This Week

If you missed the Sunday morning talk shows here is some of what you missed.

MEET THE PRESS…Video of Congressman Alan Grayson (D-Florida) saying ” Under GOP health care plan you die quickly ”…Comments…Most people are independents and don’t pay attention to outrageous comments…fodder for talk radio…partisan divide in health…media circus is a freak show…we now have one party cable news networks…one congressman had a very good low key discussion at a town hall meeting, a tv producer told him if this doesn’t blow up you are not getting on tv…

FACE THE NATION…Gen. McCrystal, head of American forces says he is open to debate on Afghanistan…but where are the Afghan troops, they are not being trained how to use weapons we give them…if the taliban comes back to Afghan al qaida will follow…taliban is moving into other parts of middle east and Asia they don’t need Afghanistan…Secretary of Defense Robert Gates is a long way from making a decision on more troops…

THIS WEEK…Obama is spending too much of his political capital, especially in foreign affairs, he’s on tv too much…he has to focus on creating jobs…stay out of local, state politics i.e. telling NY Governor David Paterson not to run in 2010…Obama gained nothing by going to Denmark to lobby for Chicago to host Olympics… 

Tom Durfey

p.s. I we waited this long for the Cubs to get into the world series we can wait for the olympics too.

What We Did To Cuba

     Lucky Luciano and Meyer Lansky had a dream to make Cuba the gambling capital of the world. They almost did. For twenty years they planted the seed with the mob, which they controlled, and Fulgencio Batista, who they would control and become president of Cuba. Lansky and Luciano had experience in creating Las Vegas as the gambling mecca of the U.S. They would use that knowledge to do the same in Cuba only on a global scale.

     They almost did. They built big hotels and gambling casinos. The entertainers they brought in were a who’s who of America including Frank Sinatra and Senator John Kennedy whose sexcapades in Havana became legendary. They made hundreds of millions of dollars and spread it around liberally. The prime beneficiary was Presidente Batista.

     As T.J. English chronicles in ” Havana Nocturne ” his book published by Harper, the mob was not the only rapist. The United Fruit Company… ” in the history of Latin America and the Caribbean no U.S. corporation held a more dominant economic and political position then El Coloso…in the six countries where it operated massive banana plantations ”.

     In Havana you could get anything you wanted. Young men and women performed in sex shows before Americans in tuxedos and gowns in the nightclubs. There were no rules except enjoy yourself. It came to an end with Castro and the revolution. Luciano died in exile and Lansky just died broke.

     After World War II America spent hundreds of millions of dollars to rebuild Europe. In the past year we have spent hundreds of billions to rebuild the companies that ripped us off and put people out of work. But for almost five decades we have embargoed Cuba, given them nothing and encouraged others to do the same.

     Cuba is not high on our national agenda. But there are some who have a plan for the future. Thankfully it’s not Luciano and Lansky.

Tom Durfey

Internet Wins Nobel Prize

Not really. But Charles Kuen Kao did. His research led to glass fibers making broadband communication on the world wide web possible. Steve Jobs just plugged them in. Kao is an American citizen. He’s also a British citizen. Kao was born in China and lives in Hong Kong. He is a world wide band all by himself.

Charles Kuen Kao proved fiber could transmit light signals a few thousand times faster then they ever had before. He found out if you remove the impurities from the glass fiber they work better and faster. If you hit this blog at the right time you are reading it just a few seconds after I finished writing it. If I had used a quill pen the ink would not be dry yet.

These glass fibers send my blog, your e mail and our pictures around the world in less then a second. The fibers wrap around our planet over one billion kilometers. They increase by thousands of kilometers every hour. Eventually at this rate the earth will probably look like a baseball with the cover off.

Pretty cool.

Tom Durfey

new blogs are announced on twitter

Health Care Bill The Biggest Holiday Bargain

The NONPARTISAN Congressional Budget Office says the health care bill that will go to congress would reduce the deficit by 81 billion dollars over ten years. That saving will start next year. As we head into the holiday shopping season that is the best deal we are going to get this year. Forget the big screen tv’s and the latest version of cell phones that are going on sale. This is this year’s real bargain.

The health care bill coming out of the Senate Finance Committee does not please everyone. What does ? But it is a start. It insures more Americans who don’t have health insurance at a cost of 829 billion over the next ten years. The percentage of Americans with health insurance would rise from 83% to 94%. That means less people running up emergency room bills that taxpayers pay for now and more savings.

It’s one of those things with a price tag you look at and say ” we can’t afford not to ”. Republicans can make up more stories about hidden costs, they already are, just file that with the death squad lies.

To critics who say the health care bill doesn’t do enough and doesn’t cover everyone shut up. If Bill Clinton had not insisted on full coverage we would have had a meaningful health care reform bill 15 years ago. Think of the money, suffering and lives we would have saved over the past 15 years.

The time is now. Let’s get it done. We can’t afford not to.

Tom Durfey

A Word About Death Panels…My Own

I am six feet one inch tall. I weigh 200 pounds. I work out in a gym 4 to 5 times a week. I watch what I eat. I don’t drink hard liquor but enjoy a few beers when I go out to eat and on weekends. I’m good looking enough to be on television live for two hours and more every day. I work a 10 hour shift every day except when I work more. I’m the youngest of four kids and we’re all pretty healthy.

When it comes time to die I will make that decision. In my state two brave doctors are going to court to try and overturn a law that makes it illegal to do that. The say ” terminal sedation ” is the only legal treatment they can offer dieing patients begging them to ease their suffering. One of them is an 86 year old man who says ” I’ve lived a great life. I’m quiet concerned about how the very end of my life will unfold. I know the type of pain abdominal cancer can cause and I’d like a physician to be able to prescribe medication to bring about a peaceful death if my dying process becomes intolerable ”.

I’m not going to jump off any buildings. But when it comes time I don’t want to be a burden, I want my kids’ memories of me to be the guy that I am. I want them to remember me as I lived my life. The big guy who was always there for them with some crazy, funny thing to say and a shoulder they could lean on.

When my time comes I’d like to tell them one last funny story, give them a kiss and close my eyes with a smile on my face.

Why is that illegal ?

Tom Durfey

Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize

I guess this makes up for losing the Olympics. I’m sure the republicans are already working on spinning this. Let’s see, how about…it came from a bunch of other socialists…where’s his birth certificate…etc.

Obama deserves it. He used the power of the presidency to make peace. He went to the middle east and told the truth. He is dealing with problems openly and taking his time to plan what to do. He is opening up government instead of doing things behind all those closed doors the Bush White House had. He is reaching out to those republicans who just keep turning their back on them. That includes liberals too.

Obama is different. I think the country hasn’t got used to that, at least some of us. Maybe we haven’t grasped the fact that he does what he thinks is best and the heck with the consequences. We are not used to that. The world isn’t either. We have become used to our leaders morphing into something we didn’t vote for. The promises of the campaign are ignored as the trappings of power swell up around them.

Obama is different. Sometimes we don’t understand what he is doing or why. He does. Change won’t come fast but it is happening. We are sometimes guilty of impatience. We have a hope and we are accustomed to getting what we want right away. That’s what got us into the mess we are in.

Obama still has hope. America was founded as a bold new idea to turn away from the old world. It was meant to push the old prejudices aside and strive for something new. To give people a chance to strive for something better.

The dream never dies does it ?

Tom Durfey

Obama’s Biggest Challenge

What Barack Obama does about Afghanistan will be the defining moment of his young presidency. The economy is limping slowly out of a recession. As far as saving the planet from climate change goes, put it on the back burner of a propane stove. Put the Nobel prize on a shelf in the White House living quarters. It now looks like health care reform will get done but it’s not pleasing a lot of people.

Obama’s biggest issue as a candidate for president was ending the war in Iraq. Bush’s troop surge actually worked and that issue faded. If the economy hadn’t collapsed we probably would have had President John McCain. Our improved image in the world is Obama’s greatest achievement and why he won that Nobel.

But Afghanistan is one tough nut to crack. The government doesn’t appear to be reflective of a large portion of Afghanis as witnessed by a tainted election. It’s all up to Obama now. What he decides to do could make or break him. Polls show people divided with republicans favoring more troops and democrats wanting to get out.

Obama is doing the right thing now. He is listening to his advisers. But that’s all they are, advisers. President Harry Truman had a sign on his desk ” the buck stops here ”. And so it does.

I have no advice for the president. We are going to have to trust his judgment on Afghanistan. Pray it’s the right one.

Tom Durfey

Here’s What I Think

Sarah Palin is now living in California. Moose are safe in Alaska.

Rush Limbaugh wants to buy an NFL team. I think he would be better in Roller Derby.

Somebody forgot to tell my 401 k the recession is over.

I don’t think the millions of people out of work got the message either.

The kid who brought his boy scout eating utensil to school should have said it was for medical reasons.

Texting in public should be illegal along with texting while driving.

I can’t afford to go family movies and bring the kids.

We are saving money with food coupons. We eat the coupons.

You tube is more popular than anything on television.

I have a bumper sticker that says ” socialists watch FOX news ”.

I asked to go before a death panel but they refused to hear my case.

Some people say Obama got the Nobel peace prize too soon. I guess peace should wait.

Tom Durfey

Cadillac Tax On Health Insurance Is A Clunker

A big clunker. At the last minute with the Senate Finance Committee voting today on the health care reform bill that will go to congress some republicans and democrats are saying the middle class will end up spending more for employer health insurance. This a day after the insurance companies say premiums will go up if the health care bill is passed.

Clunkers for idiots. If premiums go up people will shop for lower premiums. DUH ! That is what will drive insurance costs down. It was specifically put into the bill to do that. It’s like yelling death panels to obscure the truth. The congressional budget office reported weeks ago that the health care plan will save billions of dollars over the next ten years. This provision is a big part of that savings.

The clunker report comes from those friendly insurance companies that are the main reason for high health care costs in this country. They really have our well being at heart. Right. The sole purpose of insurance companies is to make money. That’s why they drop your coverage when you get sick. That’s why they refuse to insure you when you are sick.

Clunkers in congress including Nancy Pelosi are going along with this clunker idea. President Obama says through a spokesperson ” this is a distorted and flawed report from the insurance industry and cannot be taken seriously ”.

If we have another cash for clunkers program this should go the junk yard.

Tom Durfey

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Tax The Fat Cats 10,000 Dow Now

Goldman Sachs is paying each of it’s 31,700 employees a year end bonus of almost $700,000.00. Their Chief Financial Officer David Viniar says, ” I would prefer people to be focused on the success of our business ”. I am focused on the success of your business Mr. Viniar. How about giving some of that money to families with no income because of the reckless, greedy way you and your friends do business, wreck our economy and pat yourselves on the back with big bonuses.

     The Dow Jones average topped the 10,000 milestone last week. Economists are telling us we are coming out of the recession. Happy days are here again ? Right. Tell that to the more then half a million people who lose their job every month. Tell that to the unemployed, still out there fighting to find a job, that is around one out of ten Americans. Tell that to the millions more who have just stopped looking for work and the ones lucky to be working part time.

     164 million people work and pay Social Security taxes and about 50 million people receive monthly Social Security benefits. There will be no cost of living increase for those 50 million people this year. Instead they are getting one check for $250.00. Some bonus huh ?

     Goldman Sachs has paid back all the money tax payers gave them in the stimulus package. Thanks. How about some of that bonus money ? Don’t we deserve that too ? You wouldn’t be paying those bonuses if it wasn’t for all the people who bailed you out Mr. Viniar. Your republican friends keep screaming ” socialism ! ” whenever it comes to giving money to the people who keep this country afloat.

     I’m no economist but I know when people are getting cheated.

Tom Durfey

The Reconstruction Of American Journalism

” American journalism is at a transformational moment, in which the era of dominant newspapers and influential network news divisions is rapidly giving way to one in which the gathering and distribution of news is more widely dispersed ”.  www.cjr.org

The Reconstruction Of American Journalism is a report by  Leonard Downie Jr. who is vice president at large and former executive editor of The Washington Post and Weil Family Professor of Journalism at Arizona State University’s Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass Communication. Michael Schudson is a professor of communication at Columbia University’s Graduate School of Journalism. Here’s more.

” Fewer journalists are reporting less news in fewer pages, and the hegemony that near-monopoly metropolitan newspapers enjoyed during the last third of the twentieth century, even as their primary audience eroded, is ending. Commercial television news, which was long the chief rival of printed newspapers, has also been losing its audience, its advertising revenue, and its reporting resources ”.

Pretty grim. But there is hope and you are reading it. While some contend the web is killing news I strongly disagree. This is an exciting new chapter in Journalism. Like everything else there are lamentations from the old guard because of something new they don’t understand. It’s called NEWS for a reason and this is the NEW NEWS. As Charles Dickens said in A Christmas Carol, ” Ghost of the future I fear you more than any specter I have seen. But as I know your purpose is to do me good ”.

While a form of Journalism that we know is disappearing another form is alive, vibrant and growing. What I hope won’t be lost are the ethics and standards of Journalism. Some say ” what ethics ? ”. Balloon boy hoaxes ? Reality shows ? But Journalism is also a business. It pays the salaries of those who continue to perform with the good of all the people at heart.

If I have an ache I will ask the pharmacist what he recommends. If I break a leg I go to a doctor. So it is with news. Everyone in my newsroom was glued to the coverage of the balloon we thought had a child in it. It’s like watching a car wreck. You want to turn away but you can’t. Journalists brought you the spectacle but we also went after the family of this hoax and asked the questions that exposed it. Thank you Wolf Blitzer.

In the next blog I will have more on this important report and what the authors have to say about internet news. As we say in my business ” Stay tuned ! You don’t want to miss this ! ”.

Tom Durfey

The Reconstruction Of American Journalism…Investigative Reporting

” By the 1960s more journalists at a number of prosperous metropolitan newspapers were showing increasing skepticism about pronouncements from government and other centers of power. More newspapers began to encourage “accountability reporting” that often comes out of beat coverage and targets those who have power and influence in our lives—not only governmental bodies, but businesses and educational and cultural institutions. Federal regulatory pressure on broadcasters to take the public service requirements of their licenses seriously also encouraged greater investment in news. ”  www.cjr.org…The Reconstruction Of American Journalism is a report by  Leonard Downie Jr. and Michael Schudson.

With Watergate and the investigative journalism of Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein culminating in a book ” All The President’s Men ”and a movie everybody wanted to be an investigative reporter. But it’s not an easy or glamorous job. It is also very expensive. One of the great losses in journalism is the ability to be able to pay investigative reporters. If they are working on a story at best you only get a few articles a year or a two part series on tv running three minutes. That’s because it takes time to research, interview, develop sources and check and recheck what you have found.

By necessity legal departments become involved because somebody will probably sue you. The New York Times listened to their lawyers along with reporters before they decided to publish the Pentagon Papers. They knew defending themselves in court could cost a lot of money. Now it is too expensive for news organizations to do because of shrinking revenue except on rare occasions or if you work for 60 Minutes or 20/20. Combine the legal fees with one or two reporters working on a single story for months and you are rolling very expensive dice.

Some internet newsers are paying that price by using unconventional means. They ask people what stories they want covered and which ever gets the most bids gets the reporter to do the story. Some ask people who want a story covered to pay the reporter first. I like that. It’s like being a hired gun and you ride off and get the bad guys. I see nothing wrong with this as long as it doesn’t conflict with the standards of journalism ethics.

” Everyone remembers how the emotionally engaging coverage by newspapers and television of the victims of Hurricane Katrina made more vivid and accessible issues of race, social and economic conditions, and the role of government in people’s lives. At its best, this kind of reporting shocks readers, as well as enhances curiosity, empathy, and understanding about life in our communities. ”   Leonard Downie Jr. and Michael Schudson.

Next swiftpolitics blog…why we need newsrooms.

Tom Durfey

” By the 1960s more journalists at a number of prosperous metropolitan newspapers were showing increasing skepticism about pronouncements from government and other centers of power. More newspapers began to encourage “accountability reporting” that often comes out of beat coverage and targets those who have power and influence in our lives—not only governmental bodies, but businesses and educational and cultural institutions. Federal regulatory pressure on broadcasters to take the public service requirements of their licenses seriously also encouraged greater investment in news. ”  www.cjr.org…The Reconstruction Of American Journalism is a report by  Leonard Downie Jr. and Michael Schudson.

With Watergate and the investigative journalism of Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein culminating in a book ” All The President’s Men ”and a movie everybody wanted to be an investigative reporter. But it’s not an easy or glamorous job. It is also very expensive. One of the great losses in journalism is the ability to be able to pay investigative reporters. If they are working on a story at best you only get a few articles a year or a two part series on tv running three minutes. That’s because it takes time to research, interview, develop sources and check and recheck what you have found.

By necessity legal departments become involved because somebody will probably sue you. The New York Times listened to their lawyers along with reporters before they decided to publish the Pentagon Papers. They knew defending themselves in court could cost a lot of money. Now it is too expensive for news organizations to do because of shrinking revenue except on rare occasions or if you work for 60 Minutes or 20/20. Combine the legal fees with one or two reporters working on a single story for months and you are rolling very expensive dice.

Some internet newsers are paying that price by using unconventional means. They ask people what stories they want covered and which ever gets the most bids gets the reporter to do the story. Some ask people who want a story covered to pay the reporter first. I like that. It’s like being a hired gun and you ride off and get the bad guys. I see nothing wrong with this as long as it doesn’t conflict with the standards of journalism ethics.

” Everyone remembers how the emotionally engaging coverage by newspapers and television of the victims of Hurricane Katrina made more vivid and accessible issues of race, social and economic conditions, and the role of government in people’s lives. At its best, this kind of reporting shocks readers, as well as enhances curiosity, empathy, and understanding about life in our communities. ”   Leonard Downie Jr. and Michael Schudson.

Next swiftpolitics blog…why we need newsrooms.

Tom Durfey

The Recontruction Of American Journalism…The Newsroom

” We would be reminded that there is a need not just for news but for newsrooms. Something is gained when reporting, analysis and investigation are pursued collectively by stable organizations that can facilitate regular reporting by experienced journalists, support them with money, logistics and legal services, and present their work to a large public. Institutional authority or weight often guarantees that the work of newsrooms won’t easily be ignored ”…Leonard Downie Jr. and Michael Schudson www.cjr.org 

” I’ll never take a job in a place where you couldn’t throw cigarette butts on the floor ”…Jimmy Breslin

You wouldn’t believe what I saw when I first walked into a newsroom. Cigarette burns, butts and ashes covered everything. Reporters had bottles of liquor in their desk and more often on top of them. The language would make a sailor blush. Those newsrooms are gone but the spirit remains. Colleagues working feverishly and furiously with a deadline hanging over them like the sword of Damocles with impending doom. It’s like a team locker room. No inhibitions, no b.s. and a lot of spirit.

No reporter writes a story by themselves. Editors, producers, news directors, managing editors and other reporters all contribute. A phrase there, an angle here, say it this way, no don’t…the final result is a team effort. People with combined decades of experience using what they know to make a story as compelling as it can be. Like many things it can be taught but it also has to be learned.

Too much of what passes for news on the internet is rantings of individuals with an agenda or an axe to grind. The principal rule of journalism is be honest. Tell both sides of the story but sound the alarm when something is wrong. It is an oath like saving a patient’s life. Our patient is the public. Our job is to tell them what is happening so they can make the decision themselves on what to do. This is the journalism that must be kept alive in any medium at any cost.

I am lucky. I started as a young reporter when some of the old guys and gals were still around. They were a breed unto themselves. Hard drinking, living, smoking, many of them divorced at least once with kids who either hated or tolerated them for what they chose to spend their lives doing. Long hours, days and nights, weekends and holidays they reported the news. Hardly any of them got rich and most are forgotten.

They had a dream to tell people what really matters. They fought for that against pretty big odds. They gave their lives to play a tough game for one reason. To tell people the truth.  That must remain no matter what medium news is presented in.

Tom Durfey

The Fall Of New York’s Top Cop

Bernard Kerik is prisoner number 210717 in the Westchester County Jail.

He was New York’s top cop the day a pair of jets slammed into the World Trade Center. Kerik stood behind Mayor Rudy Giuliani and Governor George Pataki at every press conference. Guiliani, the tough little street guy, Pataki long and lean like Gary Cooper in High Noon, Kerik with his shaved head and mustache and rippling muscles in his arms. These guys were the symbol of what we would do to those who violated us.

In 2003 Kerik strode through the dusty streets of Baghdad in a tight black tee shirt surrounded by Blackstone mercenaries looking for a fight. He was the civilian top cop of Iraq’s police force appointed by President George W. Bush.

In 2004 Kerik spoke at the Republican national convention. He was in a firm headed by old friend Giuliani who was godfather to Kerik’s two daughters. On December 3 President Bush presented Kerik as his choice to head the Department of Homeland Security. A week later he withdrew his name for failing to mention he had an illegal alien housekeeper.

Back home in New York the Bronx District Attorney indicted Kerik for free work done at his Bronx apartment by a company with mob connections in exchange for preferable treatment when it comes to bidding on city construction projects. He pled guilty to two misdemeanors.

It wouldn’t go away. The Feds got him on that little scheme. Conspiracy, tax fraud and making false statements. Kerik was facing a Federal judge. Last Tuesday Judge Stephen C. Robinson suspended his half million dollar bail for disclosing secret pre trial information in an attempt to sway the jury in his upcoming trial and threw him in jail. He faces a prison sentence of 142 years.

Bernard Kerik’s trial starts Monday. He is prisoner number 210717. New York’s former top cop may never get out.

Tom Durfey

Sunday Morning Politics

Five minutes of Michelle Obama on Leno Friday night should give Barack another boost in the polls.

Let’s put the Fox News and MSNBC anchors on a reality show and let them fight and dance.

What happens when you get a bunch of republicans in the same room ? I have no idea !

We got a mailing from Paralyzed Veterans of America and are sending the nickel back with a check. Then I’m helping my cousin put his prosthesis on and taking him out for dinner and some drinks. Semper Fi cuz !

This Halloween my wife is dressing up as Dick Cheney and I’m going as Sarah Palin.

Next Sunday we turn the clock back. Now there’s an idea republicans can rally around.

George Will just said marijuana is getting much stronger. That’s news you can use.

I’m thinking of becoming an Anglican so the Catholic church can kick me out again for remarrying.

I’ve been shopping for a political base and I can’t find one I like.

Tom Durfey

What America Thinks

The economy is not getting worse. Don’t send more troops to Afghanistan. President Obama will be re-elected in 2012. We need some kind of health care reform but be specific before we support it.

Left wing fantasies ? No. That’s what Americans think.

PollingReport.com looks at major pollsters like, CNN, FOX, MARIST, NBC/WALL STREET JOURNAL, ABC/WASHINGTON POST, GALLUP and other polling organizations.

Breaking down the economic mood by numbers…50 percent say the economy has stabilized. But those who think it is still in a downturn is 33 percent. Only 17 percent feel it is ” starting ” to stabilize. Sounds like cautious optimism for now. But there is more concern about the future. 34 percent are ” very worried ” about the economy for the next few years and 40 percent are ” somewhat worried ” . That’s almost 75 percent who don’t see this recession ending any time soon.

If the 2012 presidential election was held right now President Obama doesn’t have anything to worry about. He beats Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney by about 10 points and Sarah Palin by almost 20. But anything can happen in three years and usually does.

Like the 2012 midterm election. Numbers remain the same over the past few months with people favoring democrats by about 10 points. But the number of people not sure about either of the two parties has grown to 35 percent from 28 percent back in May. Midterm elections are historically bad for the party in the White House and whoever controls congress. I think depending on what happens in Afghanistan and health care reform could tip it either way.

Americans have soured on Afghanistan. Right now 59 percent are opposed to sending more troops. The longer the war goes on that number will go higher. Only 39 percent are for a troop increase and 2 percent unsure.

On health care reform people are undecided and want to go slow. Knowing that ” final details ” are still being worked out 25 percent support some form of health care reform. 33 percent are against it and almost 40 percent say it depends on those final details. The old expressions ” Don’t buy a pig in a poke ” and ” Kick the tires first ” are good advice that Americans seem to be following.

So what do Americans think ?

1)   The recession may be bottoming out but we still have a long way to go.

2)   We have enough to do at home so pull our troops back from overseas.

3)   We are for some kind of health care reform but it depends on what it is.

Conclusion ? Americans are smarter than all the politicians and pundits think they are.

Tom Durfey

Why Matthew Hoh Quit Afghanistan And So Should We

Hoh is the first U.S. official to quit in protest of the Afghanistan war. It’s about time. Hoh was on a one year limited contract as a non career foreign service officer. Not exactly a top career diplomatic job. His resignation has got some attention but not a lot of media. Matthew Hoh said he resigned because he could not support the loss of American lives for a goal he doesn’t believe serves strategic U.S. interests.

Hoh is also a former marine captain who fought in Iraq. He says he spoke with Afghanis who told Hoh they were fighting Americans and the Afghan government because they felt both of them were occupying their country and wanted them out. Hard to disagree with someone who just wants you to leave.

One of the main principals our country was founded on was staying out of foreign wars. We have not been very successful at that. I am not an isolationist. But I don’t want our women and men in a country that doesn’t want them. I think they should be there only if there is a real threat and then eliminate that threat any way we can and get the hell out.

Our enemy is Al Qaida and terrorists like them. I believe all our resources should focus on wiping them off the earth whatever country they are in. Our strategy should be to attack our enemy. That strategy is not getting the resources it needs while we are in losing situations like Afghanistan.

Tom Durfey

Motorola Droid…My Sneak Peek Five Months Ago

It’s great. Back in July my wife bought me a Palm Pre and we took it back. I had held the Droid in my hand and was hooked. A musician who was in my band thirty years ago had given up the rock and roll life, as I had, to get a real life. We still meet every year and do some jamming even though we live on opposite coasts.

He went to work for Motorola. He is one of the guys who made the Droid. We were in a crowded Chicago restaurant with our wives when he pulled out this project I knew he had been working on for at least a year.

I was blown away. The keyboard was fantastic. Comfortable, easy I felt like I had a miniature computer in my hands. I am no computer geek. Writing this blog, and of course at work, I am on one all the time. I don’t get all sweaty when new products come out. The Droid was instant love. Easy to use, a big requirement for me. Simple and everything I want. Pictures are great.

One problem. We almost caused a riot in that crowded restaurant. People saw it and went nuts. ” Hey dude ! What is that ? Very Cool ! Let me try ! ”. My friend tried to grab it back shouting ” I’m not supposed to show this to anyone ! ”. But my fingers and mind were having too much fun to care. Our wives told us to stop acting like children. We hear that a lot so I reluctantly gave it back.

I’m getting a Droid. Check it out. In case you are wondering I’m paying retail price. Never trust a fellow musician.

Tom Durfey

The Angriest Elections To Watch

When voters get mad watch out. Anything or person goes. It’s judgment day. Throw out the polls, the endorsements and the pundits. This is politics raw, nasty and send them a message. Here are the angriest races.

Upstate New York, 23rd congressional district. A moderate republican bows out and throws her support to a democrat. GOP leaders send messages to scour that liberal turncoat from our party and support the true right winger in the election. Don’t confuse upstate New York with Manhattan. It’s more like their neighbors Pennsylvania, New England and a healthy dose of good old midwestern values. Nothing gets them madder then an outsider telling them their business. Joe Biden wasted a trip and Sarah Palin some robo calls. These voters do what they want and the hell with everybody telling them otherwise.

New Jersey governor. Nasty, overtaxed, going broke and the independent candidate nobody heard of has made a credible run. Welcome to Jersey.The race between a liberal governor from Goldman Sachs and a corpulent prosecutor who looks like he swallowed a McDonald franchise suits voters well. They don’t like either of them and the race is too close to call. Who do they hate least ?

Virgina Governor. If every pundit wasn’t calling it a referendum on Obama nobody would be paying any attention. Democrats have been strong in recent elections because voters have been throwing republicans out because they are republicans. The state is pretty well cleaned out. Liberals will probably stay home and a nice republican normalcy returns.

That’s what I like about election days. All the commentary, analysis, polls, experts, media and everything else our leaders consider a political campaign gets thrown out with a shout from voters to just shut the heck up. It’s our turn. Ain’t democracy wonderful ?

Tom Durfey

Obama Takes Some Licks But Keeps On Ticking

Conservatives are drooling over the blood they think they smell after yesterday’s elections. At least they have a reason to drool which seems to be their natural condition. Obama put his chips in New Jersey and Virgina and lost them both. Conservatives are emboldened…wait for next year’s congressional elections !…one term president !…Waterloo ! It won’t be that easy.

Voters have a history of ” throw the bums out ! ” when things are bad. Things are bad. I’d like to punch some of my elected representatives. Senator Joe Lieberman the turn coat liberal comes immediately to mind. He already sounds like he’s crying all the time anyway. Obama has lost elections including ones where he was the candidate. He is not going to win every election he makes an appearance in. 

In New Jersey Chris Christie won a state wide office, something Jersey republicans haven’t done in a whole ten years. Virgina is very used to being represented by republicans and when a democrat wins there, like Obama a year ago, it becomes big news. But the seat democrats captured in upstate New York’s 23rd Congressional District has been held by a republican for 100 years. This isn’t sour grapes it’s political realism.

Obama’s defeats will be trumpeted right up to next year’s mid term elections. Conservatives are going to get every bit of mileage out of Virgina and New Jersey up to then when most people will have long forgotten them. That’s ok. The only other thing they have going for them is Sarah Palin’s book.

Remember the 23rd C.D.

Tom Durfey

In The Line Of Duty

The soldiers who died and were wounded at Fort Hood Thursday were shot in the line of duty. Just like the over 5,000 killed and 20,000 wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan. Be it a battlefield in the dusty deserts of Iraq, the mountains of Afghanistan or the Soldier Readiness Processing Center at Fort Hood.

They are our family, friends, neighbors and strangers who put themselves In Harm’s Way. They do it for as many reasons as there are individuals. We can argue the causes they are sent to fight but they give up their lives even knowing we differ on those causes. They deserve a lot more thanks then the silliness we show to baseball and football players. Where are their team doctors ( not enough ) personal trainers, big paychecks, ticker tape parades, keys to the cities, adoring fans ?  Our soldiers play in the really big leagues. Where is the high light film ? It’s flag draped coffins coming home at night to a dark Air Force Base. It’s soldiers carrying the scars of battle some of which we never even see. It’s the freedom most of us hardly think about.

We can’t solve tragedies like what happened at Fort Hood. There will be commissions and recomendations but their impact will never be enough. Random shootings are becoming more and more a part of our lives wether they are in army bases, schools, malls or just down the street. The Fort Hood soldiers who died and were hurt were trying to help us. They died for a cause.  The brave ones at Fort Hood died in the line of duty.   

Tom Durfey

Here’s To Your Health

     36 million Americans without health insurance will be covered…you cannot be denied health care coverage if you have a pre existing health condition…you will not lose your health care no matter how sick you get…I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. How could we deny this to Americans who work hard, take care of their families and pay their taxes ? There is a specter of fear that has been created of drooling sick no account lazy bad people who will take advantage of health care reform and everybody else will have to pay for it. The non partisan Government Accounting Agency says this bill will save money on health care costs.

     The health care bill passed by the House yesterday is not perfect. If congress did something perfect we would all have a heart attack. This is the right thing to do now. Medicare barely got passed in the 60′s. It was socialism you know. Try to take it away now.

     The Senate now takes up this bill. Anything can happen. There are many Americans who have doubts about this and they should be listened to. That is why we have the system we have. But in the end I hope we will have health care coverage that is fair and reduces our out of control costs.

     I feel better already.

Tom Durfey

 

What Health Care Reform Means To Me

Linsay Lohan’s parents will still have to pay for her rehab.

Sarah Palin will not be treated for being rogue.

Russ Limbaugh can still get illegal prescriptions.

I’m throwing my in laws out.

If the kids get sick they can call 9-1-1.

Don’t tell the octomom.

It’s something Joe Biden can stop talking about.

Governor Mark Sandford’s Argentine mistress won’t be covered.

I’m canceling my gym membership. Is liposuction covered ?

I’m applying for medical marijuana.

I’m calling in sick tomorrow.

Linsay Lohan’s parents will still have to pay for her rehab.

Sarah Palin will not be treated for being rogue.

Russ Limbaugh can still get illegal prescriptions.

I’m throwing my in laws out.

If the kids get sick they can call 9-1-1.

Don’t tell the octomom.

It’s something Joe Biden can stop talking about.

Governor Mark Sandford’s Argentine mistress won’t be covered.

I’m canceling my gym membership. Is liposuction covered ?

I’m applying for medical marijuana.

I’m calling in sick tomorrow.

Tom Durfey

Bad News Barack

These are dark days at the White House. The health care bill barely squeaked through the house and the senate is stalling and might not even vote on it this year. The President’s advisers are calling for more troops to be sent to Afghanistan but no one is sure if that will advance our goals. What are those goals anyway ? Wall street is doing fine thank you and the holiday bonuses are in the mail while unemployment for everyone else is rising with no end in sight.  Liberals are complaining Obama hasn’t taken them to the promised land and republicans are enjoying themselves as they wait for the 2010 mid term elections. Even Michelle’s ratings are slipping.

Time to panic ? Not yet. Worry ? You betcha. President Obama is spending his political capital but his bank is moving towards foreclosure. Some are even questioning his oratory skills. It’s getting harder to rally those who are sitting on the fence quite comfortably waiting to see how things pan out.

Here’s the good news. Don’t be surprised at any of this. It was bound to happen. This country is still divided on the big questions and answers don’t come easy when so many things appear to be getting worse. Obama keeps reminding us he never said this would be easy. He got that right. Did we ?

Tom Durfey

A Letter to Lou Dobbs About Journalism

Lou…I have no problem with you quiting CNN to in your own words, ” contribute positively to the great understanding of the issues or our day ”. Gee thanks Lou. Now you can rant about immigrants on radio.  Say hi to Rush for me. There are plenty of young journalists who already have their demo tapes on your old bosses’ desks.

Advocacy journalism can be used to expose corruption, lies and deceit. It can also be falsely used to publicize bigotry. You chose the later. You have every right to express your opinion and I have a right to disagree. What makes me angry is that you are blurring the lines when you call it advocacy journalism.

Ed Murrow of CBS News climbed out on a limb to sound the alarm about Joe McCarthy in the 50′s. Woodward and Bernstein inspired a generation with their investigative journalism that brought down a president. You are not in their league Lou. Your agenda is to inflate an ego that long ago out grew your hat size. That is a danger to journalists that you have chosen to succumb to. We don’t have the best reputation but there are some of us who still tell the truth. Don’t you dare label what you have chosen as journalism of any kind.

You sold out Lou. Not for money. You got too big for your britches and will now use your fame to feed your insatiable need to feel important for all the wrong reasons. Shame on you.

Tom Durfey

9-11 Terrorist Is Coming

September 11, 2001…I drove into the city with a clear blue sky over my head and a cloud of smoke in front of me growing larger. My daughter called me earlier to say a jet had crashed into one of the World Trade Towers. I called the newsroom. They said we were just about to call you, get in. I showed my press credentials to cops who waved me through. I did my job for the next few weeks just like everybody else. I reported the news.

Eight years later Khalid Shaikh Mohammed who bragged he planned the 9-11attacks from A to Z will be coming to a federal courtroom in Manhattan from where he will be able to see ground zero. He will face charges for killing almost 3,000 innocent people. On Monday I will drive the same route to work and we will begin planning our coverage of the biggest terror trial ever.

The wounds that never healed are open again. Justice is the revenge we wait for. It can be felt in the air of our city where you can see the smoke high in the sky trailing from the F-15 fighter jets that have flown watch over us ever since that day eight years ago. We are on the highest terror alert there is and probably will be for the rest of our lives.

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed is coming to New York City.

Tom Durfey

Jobs, Health Care, Afghanistan, Defecits…How Did We Get Here ?

It was a heck of a party and now it’s the mother of all hangovers. We were duped, cheated, lied to and went along with it all. Why didn’t somebody sound the alarm ? Who can we blame ? Take a look in the mirror and we see the problem and the solution. Most Americans still support President Obama but he can’t do it alone.

Tough times. Forget the politicians. This is our fight now and the good news is we know it. It is not despair when we grab our own bootstraps and start pulling on them. I get jealous when the person before me at the food store has more coupons than I do. The credit card companies can raise their rates all they want I’m paying cash and writing checks. In a few years our car will turn into a vintage classic. We have rediscovered the library. We’re going to a free concert this afternoon. Healthy food is cheaper and so is recycling.

I see opinion surveys and agree with most Americans. Priority number one is the economy. We need jobs. Stop sending our men and women away to fight wars because we need them at home more then ever. The big financial institutions are doing fine. No more corporate bailouts. Most of us don’t care about color, sexual orientation, religion and all the other things we can’t do anything about. It’s a melting pot.

The good news is we learned a tough lesson.   

Tom Durfey

Is Good Old Politics Dead Or Asleep

” Come let us reason together ” is in the Bible ( Isaiah 1:18 ) but it was President Lyndon Johnson who adopted it for politics. Johnson firmly believed it was the best way to govern. That’s how he got Medicare passed in the 60′s which was just as controversial as today’s health care reform bill in congress.

Sarah Palin isn’t the first or the only one to go rogue. Nobody practices politics anymore. The art of compromise is dead. It was killed by people who refuse to even consider the other point of view. You are either with them or against them. My way or the highway. It’s a fight to the finish with a scorched earth policy. Grab your gun and head to the town hall meeting.

And it’s not just politics. Sports and business are just as cut throat. Fans fighting, riots after championship games, big salaries for players on steroids. Just win baby ! Home loans for people who can’t afford them, hedge funds, ponzi schemes, big bonuses while the company goes broke. Greed is good ! I don’t think the country has lost it’s moral compass but the middle of the road looks like it’s going nowhere.

Hopeless ? No. I remain an optimist and refuse to give up on my country. Besides Johnson’s Great Society the 60′s also had riots, rampant drugs, mob violence, racial killings, beatings and a war going on. It wasn’t exactly love and peace brother.

There is an old saying that war stops when everyone gets tired of the killing. When we all get exhausted from this those left will reason together. Hope to see you there.

Tom Durfey

Raiders Of The Lost Health Care Reform Bill

Barack Obama is Indiana Jones…a.k.a…Indy O. Right wingers are the dark knights…a.k.a…dks. Indy O is trying to save a precious and powerful talisman for the people called health care reform…a.k.a…hcr. 

When last we saw Indy O the hcr was being held hostage in the senate finance committee. The dks had whipped the peasants into a frenzy with false complaints it contained death panels which would be released and kill all the grandparents. The dks stormed village hall meetings with pikes and swords to drown out the peasants. Indy O  fought back and rode his steed through the land doing battle with the dks. Wizard Harry Reid was able to free the hcr from the senate finance committee only to find it thrown into more peril in the castle of senate horrors where the dks had a small but powerful minority. The battle raged on for weeks. The dks sent in their evil dragons breathing flames and threatening the peasants with socialism, children torn from wombs, long lines to see evil witch doctors, taking away the kindly old medicine men that had treated the peasants for years, peasants going broke paying for other peasants and bad teeth for everyone.

Indy O has mounted his steed again to fight the dks. Will he be able to slay the evil dragons ? Will the dks hold hcr until it withers away ? Will the peasants be put into dungeons and forced to wait for slow painful deaths ?

To be continued…

Tom Durfey

We Need A Dialogue On Guns

For a couple of happy years I lived in a one room log cabin high up in the Rocky Mountains. I could see the continental divide from there. I think I was the only person on the mountain who didn’t own a gun. But I had the toughest dog in town. My neighbors offered to loan me some rifles but I never took them. I shot guns but didn’t feel the need to own one. This led to the perception that I was somewhat nuts. My friends there had grown up on guns. Buying them, selling them, shooting them. They were not hidden and proudly displayed for all to see on gun racks in trucks and in homes. They hunted and ate what they killed. They had lived this way for generations.

They were astonished that guns were illegal where I came from. Illegal because you have to have a permit to make it legal to own one. To my mile high friends in Colorado that was like burning the flag. They had some good points. It would take the sheriff or one of his deputies 40 minutes to get to my cabin if I called for help. By that time I could have been in a bear’s stomach.

I tried explaining to them the way city people feel about guns. There aren’t a lot of bears or moose around there. Guns are used to kill people. Many of them guilty of nothing more then walking home from school. Shootings in the city and the illegal gun dealers, they are a step below drug dealers, busted for selling the guns would be treated as harshly, probably worse, by my mountain friends as city ones.

What’s wrong here ? A clash of cultures. One grew up with guns necessary for their way of life. The other sees guns as killers. Guns don’t kill people, people do. Guns can’t talk either. People can.

Tom Durfey

Thanksgiving On The Web

The smell of turkey coming from the kitchen. I’m writing a blog. Family coming over. I have to twitter. Wood burning in the fireplace. I’m typing on a keyboard. Sweet cookies and nuts in little bowls. I’m drinking coffee and fact checking. Looking at old family pictures. I’m surfing political websites. The Thanksgiving parade is on tv. My eyes are glued to the computer screen. The kids playing in the rec room. I’m trying to figure out why the printer isn’t working. My wife refuses to buy me the motorola droid. I’m scanning amazon.com to see what gizmo I can get her that she won’t want but I will.

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. The blog is getting a good response. Politics is a full time sport and I have a lot to write about. The health care bill is finally in the senate. It’s better then the playoffs. Obama will announce his Afghanistan policy Tuesday. Sarah Palin is on a book tour and back in the media spotlight. The 2010 mid term elections are coming.

My new years resolution is to do some creative art work to make the blog look better. Did you notice the color went from blue to red ? The comments are getting better. One person wanted to know where to buy a Jack LaLanne juicer. I get more mail at swifypoly@aol.com then I get in the mail box.

Happy Thankswebgiving Everyone !

BIGGEST SALES & LOWEST PRICES ON INTERNET !

I wonder how many hits the blog will get with that title. The biggest phenomenon this holiday sales season is the stunning growth of internet sales. We won’t know for awhile what the final numbers are but I expect they will set records. One aspect of this growth is ” price shopping ” . Even if you go to a store to make your purchase it helps to tell the sales person ” I can get it on line way cheaper ”.

This is a big step. Forget the yuppies with their blackberries, I phones and all the other hand and eye candy they carry around. This is Joe the Consumer saying ” Where can I save a buck ? ”. Money talks and less shoppers walk, to stores. This is true for newspapers, network and cable tv, newspaper ads, radio jingles, remember fliers they stuck on your car windshield ? When the pocketbook meets the internet ” there is something going on here Mr Jones ” as Bob Dylan sang.

Lets talk jobs. Where will all the store clerks go and everybody else looking for work ? Pay Pal seems to be thriving. I have used it and came to know a nice person in California who sells me Byrds tee shirts, ” there is a time for every thing under heaven ” and they only cost $25 including shipping. Thanks Pat ! That’s news I can use, money in the bank and I don’t have to leave home. Neither does Pat. Surly other venues for employment will crop up as well. Bring ‘em on. We need the work.

And I didn’t lie with this blog’s title. swiftpolitics is for free.

Tom Durfey

I wonder how many hits the blog will get with that title. The biggest phenomenon this holiday sales season is the stunning growth of internet sales. We won’t know for awhile what the final numbers are but I expect they will set records. One aspect of this growth is ” price shopping ” . Even if you go to a store to make your purchase it helps to tell the sales person ” I can get it on line way cheaper ”.

This is a big step. Forget the yuppies with their blackberries, I phones and all the other hand and eye candy they carry around. This is Joe the Consumer saying ” Where can I save a buck ? ”. Money talks and less shoppers walk, to stores. This is true for newspapers, network and cable tv, newspaper ads, radio jingles, remember fliers they stuck on your car windshield ? When the pocketbook meets the internet ” there is something going on here Mr Jones ” as Bob Dylan sang.

Lets talk jobs. Where will all the store clerks go and everybody else looking for work ? Pay Pal seems to be thriving. I have used it and came to know a nice person in California who sells me Byrds tee shirts, ” there is a time for every thing under heaven ” and they only cost $25 including shipping. Thanks Pat ! That’s news I can use, money in the bank and I don’t have to leave home. Neither does Pat. Surly other venues for employment will crop up as well. Bring ‘em on. We need the work.

And I didn’t lie with this blog’s title. swiftpolitics is for free.

Tom Durfey

A Fight Obama Can’t Win

The Taliban is not leaving Afghanistan. We should leave the country to it’s own misery. President Obama is going down a long path with no end. He inherited this war but it is now his. We need our troops home with their families where they belong. 36 million Americans are using food stamps.

The President has too much on his plate. He should focus on the economy and health care. The richest nation in the world should not let it’s people go hungry and die without care. There comes a time when we have to say ” Sorry world, our priorities back home prevent us from being the world’s police force ”. No other country is spending the lives and fortune of it’s people like we are.

I have heard enough about Obama’s plan for Afghanistan and I think it is wrong. Candidate Obama won his mandate calling for change. Change from the ways that weren’t working. That mandate slips away a little bit more everyday. Our priority should not be Afghanistan. It’s a fight Obama can’t win.

Tom Durfey

OBAMA AFGHANISTAN SPEECH HIGLIGHTS

30,OOO MORE TROOPS TO AFGHANISTAN WITH AS EARLY AS CHRISTMAS DEPLOYMENT…AMERICAN TROOPS START LEAVING JULY, 2011…

Here are the 3 points Obama made towards the end of the speech to explain his policy.

One…Americans were attacked on 9-11 from Afghanistan. They were controlled by the Taliban in align with Al Qaida. No more attacks on U.S. We put the pressure on them.

Two…No more status quo in Afghanistan. The longer the situation deteriorates the longer America has to pay.

Three…Getting troops out of Afghanistan. He says we can’t afford to ignore the cost of the war ESPECIALLY IN LIVES.

The President called Pakistan a cancer.  Obama called the presidential elections in Afghanistan a ” fraud ”. He called out NATO and the U.N. for not sharing the burden while reaping the profits for what we do.

When the Commander-In-Chief came in the cadets at West Point did not stand up. They stood and applauded when he left.

Tom Durfey

What If I Did That ???

swiftpolitics decided to try some of the stunts people are doing to get on the news and become famous for 15 minutes. Here are the results.

The neighbors had a party and I crashed it. I left through the air and landed out on the street. I am covered with bruises and scratches.

I crashed the car into a tree and fire hydrant on our street. My wife came out and hit me in the head with a frying pan while calling me an idiot. I have to pay hundreds of dollars in fines and damages.

I made a sex video of myself and put it on the internet. It is now being used to torture prisoners at Guantanamo Bay.

I put a balloon on my head and called the media to tell them I was flying away. They told me to pay my overdue cable bill.

I took a gun to a town hall meeting. They beat me up and took the gun.

I went to a VFW Hall and protested the war in Afghanistan. They bought me a beer.

I asked an old girl friend to announce we were having an affair. She got an order of protection.

I told my boss I was seeing a woman and charging it on my expense account. He asked for her number.

Facebook and myspace canceled my accounts. They said they need the space.

Tom Durfey

Tiger By The Tail

The middle age blond woman taken by ambulance from Tiger Woods home in Windermere, Florida to Health Central Hospital in Ocoee could be Tiger’s mom or mother in law who were staying at the Woods’ home in Windermere. If you are like me the first thought that jumped into your mind was where do they get all those dumb names in Florida ? Ocoee ? Windermere ? Who lives  in towns with names like that ?

But back to the story that is gripping America. The bimbo count for Tiger is up to 9. 40 million Americans don’t have health care. Whoops ! Government printing presses are working overtime to meet the demand for food stamps. Super Size me ! Pack your duffel bags boys and girls for another exciting fun filled tour in Afghanistan !

America’s golfer is really John Daly. A fat beer guzzling party boy who can whack a golf ball and hit a pheasant 300 yards in the air. That’s shooting ! Let’s not forget that old racist Swingin’ Sammy Snead who still holds records Tiger hasn’t broken. And these guys didn’t even use drugs !

Let’s get our priorities straight here. None of us live in glass houses. At least not in towns with names like Ocoee and Windermere.

Tom Durfey

Liberals Are Just As Bad As Conservatives

They are all spoiled cry babies. If they don’t get want they want you have to change their diapers. Here’s a few…

Joe Lieberman…my connecticut liberal senator…don’t worry i didn’t vote for him…’04 democrat veep candidate with john kerry…jumped ship and supported john mccain in 08 who wanted joe as his vice prez candidate…mccain advisers insisted on sarah palin…don’t things turn out funny ?..smack in between those adventures in ’06 joe lost the democratic state primary to newcomer ned lamont…joe got re elected as an independent but has been mad at all democrats ever since…but as long as he is back in the spotlight for trying to sink obama’s health plan at the last minute that’s ok…

Howard Dean…who will always be remembered for blowing the iowa primary in ’04 and screaming all the names of the states he was going to keep running in…a month later he dropped out…but…he is a flaming liberal former democratic national committee chairman, ten year vermont governor, real medical doctor, progressive and nice guy…and another last minute turn coat on obama health plan saying it should be killed right now…

I used to like dean…never joe…but i am struck by these two using what little influence they have left to sabotage something they have preached for years…they have entered the pantheon of rush, sarah, white house party crashers, balloon boy and the rest…the only difference is dean and joe sold their ideals for a 7 second sound bite on 24 hour news channels…

maybe liberals are worse…

tom durfey

…these sentences are so short they could be on twitter……

A Holiday Message

Passage of the health care reform bill is being called Obama’s legacy. He hasn’t been president a year. It’s a start.

Forgive senate leader Harry Reid for voting no on the bill by mistake. The guy was so exhausted he probably meant it. Harry Reid has moved into the senate pantheon of the greats like Daniel Webster, Henry Clay, Robert La Follette, John C. Calhoun, Robert Taft and Edward Kennedy. 

The republican party has given the United States some of it’s greatest statesmen. Abraham Lincoln, Dwight Eisenhower, Teddy Roosevelt ( my favorite president ) and countless women and men who helped shape our country. I hope republicans return soon to what made their party and America great.

If for no other reason the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are wrong because not everyone is bearing the burden. Bring back the draft so everyone will have to serve. That will make us think long and hard before we send our brave men and women in harm’s way. We owe them that when we ask them to lay down their lives.

John Kennedy didn’t just write Profiles In Courage. Another book is A Nation Of Immigrants. In my view if you weren’t here to welcome Columbus you are an immigrant.

Our heroes are not balloon boys, white house party crashers, celebrities in rehab and they don’t do reality shows. They are the people who get up everyday and go to work or look for it. They care for their families in good times and bad. They care for their country and communities and want them to be better. 24 hour news cycles don’t factor into their day. They do the real work that makes us great and they don’t want a medal for it. We don’t see them in the media or in a perp walk in handcuffs. They are the ones who live the dream our country was founded on and keep the dream alive everyday. They make us proud to be Americans.

Happy Holidays. The best is yet to come.

Tom Durfey

The Audacity Of Incompetence…Dumb But Cheap

President Harry Truman had a sign on his desk in the Oval Office ” the buck stops here ”. Harry and his sign are long gone but the buck is still there. Obama picked that buck up. He says the safeguards in place to protect us failed ” systematically ” in the case of the would be airliner bomber in Detroit. He ordered a review of those not-so-safe-guards. So what went wrong ?

Incompetence. It raises it’s ugly head a lot in the federal government. Why ? Because we use the term ” best and brightest ” only when we talk about those closest to the president. They are payed a lot of money. Once you walk out of the Oval Office the pay scale goes down hill fast. We don’t pay the people on the front lines in the war against terrorism to be the best and the brightest.

An alleged terrorist, Najibullah Zazi, is waiting trial in New York City. He is charged with attempting to set off bombs in the city’s subway system and large arenas. His last job was an airport shuttle driver in Denver. He operated within an Al Qaida five man cell there. He bought his bomb making tools, including hydrogen peroxide and acetone, in beauty shops. He joked with the store clerks that he had a lot of girl friends. Zazi spent five months in Pakistan planning his attacks. How did he get a job at an airport ? Who hired him ?

Have you tried to buy a plane ticket lately ? It’s not much fun talking to someone in India who barely speaks english when trying to book a flight. But hey ! It’s cheaper for the airline companies to send jobs overseas right ? The buck that stops at the president’s desk is probably what those flight bookers make an hour.

You get what you pay for. I flew to Chicago a week ago and drove 18 hours home in my car. It was a nice safe trip. The drive home I mean.

Tom Durfey

Am I Getting Old Or Do I Just Want To Kick Butt ?

In the 60′s I laid down in the streets and stopped traffic to end the Viet Nam war. I had long hair and a beard. I burned my draft card. The government sent me another. I was a peace-nick. Now I want to drop the big one on all these terrorists threatening our country and be done with them. What happened ? Did I get older, wiser or dumber ? The first one definitely. The other two I’m trying to figure out.

We have closed our embassy in Yemin because Al Qaida there is behind the failed bombing of a plane in Detroit.  If we get Americans out of there does that mean we can nuke them ? Might as well take out Al Qaida where ever they are in those mountains bordering Afghanistan and Pakistan. Let’s drop one on those opium fields too and seriously put a dent in the heroin trade. A few mushroom clouds should get the message across.

Wait a minute. What happened to the long hair guy with the tye dyed clothes ? It took a few more years after I quit laying down on streets before that other war was over. I recycle. I saw someone throw an empty bag of fast food out their car window and I wanted to pick it up and throw it at them. I think people who abuse children should be thrown in jail and never see the light of day again. If I run into a wall street guy who got a bonus I’d like to punch him. What happened to peace and love ? I don’t want to turn the other cheek any more.

Wait another minute. That’s not right. I don’t want to become my enemy. There are people all over the world who are being thrown in jail because they want to be free. I don’t think these problems will ever go away. Give up ? No. My hair is shorter now. If I laid down in the street someone would probably have to help me get up. Instead of being hauled away in a police car I would be in an ambulance. 

I will die someday but the dream never will.

Peace, love and justice.

Tom Durfey

Will Obama Lose In 2010 ?

Since 1900 the party holding the White House has lost in the mid term elections. Will Obama break the record ? He’s been known to break records before. Politics, pundits and predictions. Here is this pundit’s prediction for politics 2010. Republicans will pick up two seats in the senate and 10 in the house. The GOP could do better if they had some ideas but they don’t. Anger alone doesn’t translate into votes.

Obama’s Achilles heal is jobs. I don’t see any big recovery in jobs for the next year. Some say we are coming out of the recession but the hangover from our economic binge is not going away soon and it’s a big one. Another stimulus package is like popping a few more extra strength Tylenols. It seems like a good idea but it ain’t a cure.

What should Obama do ? Keep plugging away. It’s what Americans without employment are doing. This country was founded on the idea that we would be different. It’s called the American spirit. It’s taking some hard shots right now but it’s still there. We are at our best when the going gets tough. Forget the tea parties. Put on a coonskin hat, grab your rifle and fight for your family and home. A lot of our soldiers don’t want to be in Afghanistan and Iraq and I don’t blame them. But they are there. It’s hard to look for work every day when you  keep getting beat back down. But we do. It ain’t easy. It’s going to take time. That we have plenty of. Let’s use it as best we can.

Tom Durfey

Johnny Carson On Jay And Conan And NBC

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Johnny !!!

Good evening and welcome to the Tonight Show. I just checked my watch and it’s 12:05. Good morning.

Boy late night tv is getting crowded isn’t it ? At least on NBC. When I started I was on from 11:30 to 1 am. Now they need three hosts to cover that time slot.

But seriously folks. Couldn’t NBC have worked this out better ? Why didn’t they drop Jay and Conan on an island and see who survived ? The ratings would have been better.

The local affiliates have had it with NBC. They say it stands for No-Body-Cares.

When they chose me for the Tonight Show I was hosting a game show called Who Do You Trust. That’s the first thing I would ask before joining NBC again.

NBC has been bought by Comcast Cable. They might make the Tonight Show pay per view. At ten cents a viewer that could be ten or twenty bucks a night.

Local news programs are hurting too. I hear the one in Altoona just hired George Burns.

Bob Hope was on NBC for decades. They had to pay Milton Berle to stay off.

I guess they didn’t learn anything when they replaced me. Letterman went to CBS, Leno was kicked to 10 pm. Conan is leaving. Where’s Joan Rivers when you need her ?

I bid you a fond goodnight.

Sarah Palin Goes To Fox News

It was bound to happen. A match made in heaven. It’s like republicans at tea parties, going to town hall meetings with guns and death panels.

As long as she doesn’t do the weather.

” Let’s take a look at our world forecast ! We start right next door in Russia. Must be cold in Siberia. I can see their breath from my front porch in Alaska. Down in north and south Korea, aren’t they one country ? These weather maps are like newspapers. They’ve been in front of me all these years but I can’t name one. There is a disturbing trend moving across the U.S. It’s called socialism. Now to the earthquake in Haiti. Pat Robertson is right. That’s what happens when you sell your souls to the devil. You Betcha ! ”.

Or sports.

”  Football player Plaxico Buress should be let out of prison. It’s his constitutional right to carry a gun and shoot himself in the leg. It’s a testament to our senior citizens that Brett Farve will take the Green Bay Packers to the Super Bowl. I’m pro life when it comes to sudden death. What’s with all these black guys in the NBA ?

Or fashion.

Anchor…” Let’s go live to Sarah at Neiman Marcus. Any bargains there Sarah ? ”..Sarah ” You Betcha ! I’m sending all these bills to the Republican National Committee ! ”.

Or the Supreme Court.

” In the great history of American rulings there have been rulings ! ”.

Or traffic reports.

” I’ll try and find some and I’ll bring them to you . ”

All quotes from Srarh Palin are taken out of context. But that’s ok. They don’t make sense when they are in context either.

Tom Durfey

Blogs Live !!!

Obama State Of The Union Highlights

 President Obama began his State of the Union address by defending the banks bailout. He said he hated shoring up the banks that created this mess we’re in…”As popular as root canal ”. But if we didn’t do it unemployment would be double what it is now.   He says the worst of the storm has passed but the devastation remains.

 

He then talked about how he would create jobs. He calls it…”The number one priority for 2010 ”. Obama wants to take 30 billion dollars the banks have repaid and use it for small business. He wants to give small business a tax credit so they can hire more workers. He also calls to eliminate the capital gains tax for small business so they can expand and hire more people.

 

Obama wants to slash tax breaks that go to companies who turn around and send our jobs overseas. He says the House has passed this bill and called on the Senate to do the same. The President called for creating more green jobs, building more nuclear power plants and more off shore drilling. He called on the Senate to pass climate and energy legislation already passed by the House. Obama says the nation that leads in energy economy will lead the global economy. He also called for more trade agreements to expand our exports.

 

Obama says the best anti poverty program is a good education. He wants to invest millions of dollars in Community Colleges. For college graduates he wants a ten percent limit a year in paying off their loans. If a man or woman goes into public service and stays there for 20 years they don’t have to pay anything back.

 

Obama defended his health care reform. He says…” Let’s clear a few things up. I know this is not good politics ” but we are closer than we have been in a hundred years in reforming health care and we can’t stop now. He pointed out that the Congressional Budget Office says his health care reform will shave the deficit by a trillion dollars. Obama also apologized for not explaining it better.

 

Finally Obama says we must change the political mood. He says every day is now like election day…” If you lose, I win ”. He called on republicans not to obstruct a bill just because they have the votes to do so. He said he was speaking to both parties on this, taking a swipe at liberals in his own party who can be just as bad as republicans if they don’t get their way. He says saying no is not leadership.

Finally…” I said change won’t come easy ”.

Tom Durfey

 

 

We Need A Declaration Of Independence

Nobody is going to solve our problems but We The People.

The Financial Mess…We bought things we couldn’t afford. Homes, HD-TV’s, I-Pods and phones, Game Boys and anything we could put on a credit card. The big banks and Wall Street were happy to oblige. The people we elected encouraged it by making it easier.

Politicians…Most of those elected officials are not doing anything to solve the problem. Conservatives say no to everything and have no ideas of their own. Liberals say no if they don’t get everything they want. Most politicians care more about getting elected than anything else.

Is this our fault ?…You bet it is. Americans are angry. The problem is we do too much arguing and nothing about the problems. We’re fighting over which life boats to use while the ship is sinking. Gulp ! It’s ” my way or the highway ! ” while the highway is crumbling beneath us.

Solutions ?…Stop looking for the quick fixes. There aren’t any. It took us about a decade to screw everything up. There is no magic pill that will fix it. Most economists agree that things are going to stay bad for years even if there are sign things are getting better.

” Prudence indeed will dictate that Government long established should not be changed for light and transient causes and accordingly all experience has shown that mankind is more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. It is our right and duty to throw off such government and to provide new guards for future security. ”

Choose a candidate who is honest and ready to compromise. It worked pretty well in July of 1776. Those were the guys who wrote that paragraph above and signed it. The Declaration Of Independence.

Tom Durfey

Last Friday the Securities and Exchange Commission filed a law suit against Goldman Sachs for defrauding customers who bought investments based on sub prime mortgages. This is just the beginning of a real mess for Wall Street. On Monday individual investors will file more suits against Goldman Sachs saying GS ripped them off too. Now other investors are considering suing other Wall Street firms that did the same thing. The chickens are coming home to roost.

Now that the federal government has opened this us those greedy investors who watched Goldman Sachs and other firms rip off them as well as the people who bought those sub prime mortgages. It’s like lions eating their young. While congress debates stronger regulations for financial institutions the public is suing them. There’s some money to be made here and it will be at the expense of the fat cats who got us into this economic mess.

Sometimes the system works slowly. But it works. Move over Bernie Maddoff you might be getting some company on your cell block. Criminal charges will follow these new law suits. Justice delayed is still sweet.

Tom Durfey