The tea party, when Alice arrives, is characterized by switching places on the table at any given time, making somewhat short, personal remarks, asking unanswerable riddles and reciting nonsensical poetry, all of which eventually drive Alice away declaring it is the stupidest party she ever went to.
Alice…Sarah Palin
The Mad Hatter…Teddy Roosevelt
The March Hare…George W. Bush
The Door Mouse…Scott Brown
When Alice arrived at the tea party the Mad Hatter was asking riddles. ” Speak softly and carry a big stick ! What is it ? ”. ”What’s what ? ” asked Alice. ” The answer to the riddle ! ” said the Mad Hatter. ” A very quiet Hockey game ? Ya know, hockey stick ! ”. ” No you idiot ! It’s how you lead the country ”. ” I wanted to lead the country ” said the March Hair. ” You led it into the biggest recession since World War II ! ” the Mad Hatter told him, ” You are a walking weapon of mass destruction ! ” Door Mouse, do you know the answer to the riddle ? ”. ” Become the 41st GOP senator and say no to health care ! ”. ” No No No ! Don’t you have anything to offer ? ”. ” My daughters are available ”.
The Mad Hatter was getting mad and asked another riddle. ” What is it that every reform movement has ? ”. ” A pick up truck ? ” said the Door Mouse. ” You’re getting warm ”. ” ” I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake ” said the March Hare. ” Do what you can, with what you have, where you are ” sighed the Mad Hatter. ” For some reason a different standard applies for the decisions I make “ said Alice. ” Then you should say what you mean,’ the Mad Hatter said. `I do,’ Alice hastily replied; `at least–at least I mean what I say–that’s the same thing, you know.” ” No ! ” thundered the Mad Hatter, ” What every reform movement has is a lunatic fringe !”.
The tea party got quiet. The March Hare hung his head. ” Like Cheney and Rove ” he mumbled to himself. ” Like posing nude for Cosmo ” whispered the Door Mouse. ” Like quitting your job after you asked people to vote for you ” said Alice. The Mad Hater wasn’t so mad anymore. He had forgotten more about reform movements then the others would ever know. He believed in the best of people. He also knew they could easily get lost from the ideals they held when the crowds cheered. He thought his tea party guests were good Americans. But they had lost their way. The Mad Hatter was tired of the tea party and started to leave. ” This is not a riddle, ” he told them, ” A vote is like a rifle, its usefulness depends upon the character of the user ”.
Note…My thanks to one of my favorite writers and the author of Alice In Wonderland Frank Baum. Quotes from the tea party guests are from them.
Tom Durfey
