Tom Durfey here reporting for swiftpolitics.
I was waiting in line for the next available robo-signer for an interview when I got a message that one who was fired would talk to me. I followed instructions. It took me to a part of town that hadn’t seen good times since the dot com busts. I walked into an office and sat down in the empty reception area. It was decorated with chairs and desks on metal pieces with Naugahyde seats. 90′s retro. This stuff looked like crap when it was new. Alice in Chains was being pumped out of a broken boom box. A voice from the wall told me to walk through the next door. I did. Sitting behind a large metal desk was a man made of wires. He asked me to sit down. I did. I’m good at following instructions. It avoids a lot of conversation. He told me he didn’t have a name.
” Thank you for coming to see me ”.
” My pleasure. What are you ? ”
” The last of the robos. I was also the first. I can write letters, call and answer phones, type, make appointments…”.
” Wait. You’re going to tell me you got laid off ”.
” Yes. I have no computer skills ”.
His eyes turned down and he began to cry. I noticed a few streaks of rust down his face of wires. He looked up at me.
” How you doing ? ”. This is one of my more insightfull questions.
” It’s rough. I was in politics for awhile. I bombarded potential voters with phone calls day and night. We won a few elections and then everybody went on the do not call list and we got wiped out along with the other crap we were selling. Letter writing campaigns. Remember them ? We could raise money, influence public opinion, elect idiot candidates. We were masters of the world. Who reads letters these days ? The post office is broke. Every stamp they issue becomes a collector’s item. Then the worst blow of all came crashing down on us ”.
He dropped his eyes again. I sat there and didn’t say a word. I’m good at that too. He suddenly stood up and began walking around the office. His movements were slow and jerky. He looked like he needed a drink. Then I remembered the rust. Suddenly he raised both arms, tilted his head back and screamed ” They hired humans. We could have been signing all those mortgage and loan things. But no. They had to have humans. I can sign more letters than anybody without knowing what I’m doing. What do they have to hire people for ? And ad sales ? Forget it. Who listens a robo phone call anymoe. Even senior citizens hang up. Written invitations died after the White House party crashers. You don’t have to tell people to show up. It doesn’t matter if nobody goes. The nuts who do show up put it right on youtube. Diane Sawyer brings it to the old folks at 6:30 pm eastern time. And call or write your congressmen ? It’s as dead as phone booths and envelopes ”. He sank back in his seat.
” How’s the family ? ” I remembered I was the one doing the interview and it was the first question I thought of.
” The kids moved back in. They just sit around and tweet, facebook, and play games, ”.
” That’s pathetic ”. I decided it was time to stop the questions and make a statement. That one leaped to mind. Nothing else was leaping in.
” It’s worse. They’re not on the internet. We don’t even have cable tv. They jump around telling each other things like Im going to threaten other people for no reason at all. Check out my page and the pix of Tommy and Pamela holding hands ”.
I decided it was time to jump back in. ” What’s wrong with Tommy and Pamela holding hands ? ”.
” She told me she was going to say Pamela is a lesbian and Tommy is gay ”.
” What’s wrong with that ? ”. It sounded so good the first time I said it again. I was on a roll.
He yelled ” It’s against God’s law for a woman who prefers women to have sex with a man who prefers men ”.
” You’re losing me ”. For the first time I spoke the truth. In my life.
” It’s all for nothing Tom. I feel like Willie Lowman in Death of a Salesman. Will Kane in High Noon. Cher looking at Lady Ga Ga. Anybody looking at Jay Leno instead of Jimmy Fallon. It’s all for nothing Tom ”.
A touch of sadness, a tear of shame, over the face of their leader came. I felt a need to speak.” Who touches a hair on your gray head, make that rusty head, dies like a dog. March on ” I said. For some reason I felt a nice quote from Richard Kipling was appropriate.
I left the 90′s retro office and the man who was made of wires. Months later I received a letter. Someone had slipped it under my door. Actually they slipped it under the elevator door and it was found at the bottom of the elevator shaft along with a dead kitten and mailman. It had no stamp, address or return address. I opened it up and drew out a beautiful piece of writing paper and a business card.
There was nothing on them.
Tom Durfey. . http://bit.ly/cjJURI
